The weird things that non parents say...

[Wiggles9408]

Just a general one, no malice intended but what are your experiences of the things that people without children have said to you in regards to parenting?

My examples are as follows (all in one day): dd is 6mo I went into work for a KIT day and a few of my colleagues that don’t have children (in amongst genuine lovely questions about dd) said the following ‘Babies seem easy to me now I’ve got a rabbit..’ and ‘so what’s it like?’ My answer ‘harder than I’d imagined’ the response ‘oh really? I just imagined you watching Disney films all day with a baby!’
And my favourite one EVER ‘I’d love to be getting paid to do nothing all day but watch Jeremy Kyle!’
I know they probably weren’t meant to come across so ummmm belittling but in my head I did have a few brash come backs but didn’t say anything just laughed it off. so anyone else had comments made that left them a little

A wry smile because someone’s diet may have led to a “minor heart attack”? Did I just read that?

Mostly I laugh at pre-child me. I thought he would feed, cuddle for a bit, sleep contentedly and repeat. I even arranged to play the "walking up the aisle music" at a friend's wedding when he was only going to be 6 weeks old... And was down to be matron of honour at another friend's wedding when he was 12 weeks.

Ha! Just about made it through the first one. Fortunately friend for second one was total Anti-Bride-Zilla, and the most laid back bride I've ever seen, and both sets of parents rallied round and looked after me. But I think I may have been the most useless MoH in history.

I remember a childless guy at work saying "I can understand women wanting to have a baby. Biology, innit? But then all they do is moan about how hard it is and how knackered they are, so why do they have more kids?"

I still can't decide if he was ignorant or wise...

Hmm. As a non-mother, cat owning, dog owning person I’d like to say in my experience these reactions are very much the exception rather than the rule.

@RoseWhiteTips no one ever said people or MEN don’t get tired.

A wry smile because someone’s diet may have led to a “minor heart attack”? Did I just read that

Yes Rose you did & I’m sure it reads very badly, but if you had a couple constantly & loudly judging you for your diet choices, talking to everyone about it to our faces & behind our backs, when their own diet was far from healthy, including this “intervention” , then I’m sure you might give in to a tiny wry smile once you knew they were okay too, we are only human

Welll when someone starts moaning at me about being tired (for whatever reason, children or otherwise) and I have also had a bad nights sleep, I agree and moan too. I am not belitteling a child to the status of a cat, I am having a conversation.

I think saying ‘oh your life must be such a doss’ is a stupid thing to say to a new Mum. I don’t think having a bit of a mutual moan about sleep is on the same level. What were you expecting them to say when you were going on about how little sleep you had with a new child? Just sit there completely mute?

Maybe the exception but they stick in your mind because they're so dumb. Another woman at work quite often earnestly tells me how much she's looking forward to having kids and how she's all set up to deal with the sleep deprivation etc because she's got two cats who wake her up early in the morning. And then there was the woman who said that she understood parental love because now she had a hamster. These people exist! They talk to me!

They most days definately are the excepting yes as I said this was amoungst an entire day of people with and without children being very interested and keen to hear about life since dd I just thought the things they said were quite funny and wondered what over people had experienced. It’s not meant to offend anyone just a bit of bants before bed. I keep laughing at the ‘thought he was dead’ comment 😂

It's quite different being woken up by the cat than having a baby I think. Babies require you to feed them, change them, soothe them back to sleep. There is no option not to do it. It's really not comparable at all.

Small babies do it every night, throughout the night and some do it until several years old. It leaves you a total wreck very often. One of my dc didn't stop waking me up in the night until 8 years old! That was 8 years of not a single night's sleeping through. It really does not compare to a restless or slightly annoying cat!

@Wiggles9408
I only came on here for a bit of a laugh before bed too, not to get into an argument.

Well that previous message is disappointing on the old auto correct front. * other

willyougotobed

Really just wanting to know what you would like non parents to say when you are telling them all about this. Just smile and nod?

'I should have a baby too so I can drop to cushy part time hours and have 4 days off' errr. Ok. Maybe then you can cram 5 days work in to 3 and spend the rest of the week with a small dictator you created yourself.

Also, on discussing being tired and drained after being up all night another colleague said 'oh, I think I'd be great as a parent. I've got a dog so it's great practice and has made me feel mentally prepared'. In my head I was howling with laughter

Smile, nod, sympathise and make coffee!

Okay I’m leaving this thread. I appreciate I shouldn’t have replied or probably read it in the first place due to my sensetivity on the subject at the moment.

Apologies

I'm not a mum but I'm currently pregnant, due middle of December, and in early pregnancy one of my friends reactions was 'oh brilliant! If she comes on time you can make the Christmas night out and have a good drink again for it!' even my friend who doesn't have kids, doesn't like kids and is generally clueless about kids thought this was ridiculous.

YES patsyprincess it was all meant to be one big laugh but looky here we’ve got a mutany on our hands. Let’s clear this up:

Babies and cats, different species and if cat gets annoying I could throw her at least three foot and she’d land a safely... babies not so much I wouldn’t want to test it. So no we can’t compare their problems either.

All human beings get tired and sometimes cats (we’ve found mutual ground with the cats) not only mums can moan about being tired obviously everyone can moan but just remember we’re better at it as cilla would say... we get a lorra lorra practice at being tired and moaning about it.

Not all non parents say headcase things to parents 99% of the time they’re interested in our amazing new routine thats really working (hah) and they do give a sh*t but there’s a 1% that make stupid nieave comments AND THATS WHAT THIS IS ABOUT THE FUNNY WEIRD STUFF THE 1% HAVE SAID THAT LITERALLY LEFT YOU LIKE

Mic drop.

Such a load of tosh on this thread!

I'm a long haul stewardess, I miss a night's sleep every week, cross time zones from the Far East to the West coast of America regularly, then on my days off have a MIL with dementia and a mother with severe heart and lung issues, yet apparently I know nothing about being tired because I don't have a child! Hmmm!😡

Dayman - Yes smiling and nodding would be better I'd say.

Sorry Dayman. Didn't realise.

Hahahahaha at anyone who thinks having dogs or cats or demanding jobs is anything like having babies

really, it's not.

A wry smile for a heart attack? Have a word with yourself.

No honeyroar no ones saying you can’t be tired or have a moan about it if you don’t have a child... I haven’t read that anywhere. You sound like you’ve got a lot on your plate but this post was simply to have a giggle at the funny stuff people have said to us about life as a parent, not that in your personal life which sounds very stressful and demanding you can’t be tired. You have every right to be tired and to complain about it whenever you need to, as does everyone that’s awake for reasons beyond their wants and control.

I know it's a cliche but when childless people say they're so busy they're exhausted. Without children being busy is often true but it's self inflicted and self controlled. Having children being busy is totally out of control and not one thing after the next. It's 8 things at the same time with no ability to prioritise.

Except it isn't always self-inflicted or self-controlled. What if that childless person is caring for a sick husband, wife or parent whilst working full time? It's so maddening when parents play the 'you don't have children so can't possibly know what it's like to be exhausted'.

The difference between the two situations is that (generally) you made a conscious decision to have a child and relinquish the control you have over your life. Someone caring for a sick partner had that inflicted on them. And they aren't the position of regaining control - and the ability to sleep - as the years go by.