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AIBU?

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Original poster

The weird things that non parents say...

355 replies

Wiggles9408 · 08/11/2017 22:26

Just a general one, no malice intended but what are your experiences of the things that people without children have said to you in regards to parenting?

My examples are as follows (all in one day): dd is 6mo I went into work for a KIT day and a few of my colleagues that don’t have children (in amongst genuine lovely questions about dd) said the following ‘Babies seem easy to me now I’ve got a rabbit..’ and ‘so what’s it like?’ My answer ‘harder than I’d imagined’ the response ‘oh really? I just imagined you watching Disney films all day with a baby!’
And my favourite one EVER ‘I’d love to be getting paid to do nothing all day but watch Jeremy Kyle!’
I know they probably weren’t meant to come across so ummmm belittling but in my head I did have a few brash come backs but didn’t say anything just laughed it off. so anyone else had comments made that left them a little HmmConfused

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/11/2017 23:41

I have compared someone's baby to my cats before. I did it because they'd been droning on for so frigging long about every minute aspect of their baby's routine that I was desperately trying to keep myself amused.

53rdWay · 08/11/2017 23:41

Babies seem easy to me now I’ve got a rabbit

Grin this is fantastic.

BriechonCheese · 08/11/2017 23:42

I have 6DC, I've heard it all.
However I do realise other people can be as tired, if not more tired than someone with children.
Try being any of the following medical student, chronically ill, a flight attendant, a paramedic, a nurse, kept awake by neighbours every single night with deliberate bullying tactics.
The idea that no one can have it worse than a parent, especially on fhe tiredness front shows a level of naïveté that goes unrivalled. Wake your eyes up to the world.

Not aimed at the OP btw.

Yes being parent is hard, yes the sleep deprivation is killer but you can't trump everything.

Pennypickle · 08/11/2017 23:42

Ahh... But what if the childless person has a puppy that whines all night for attention because, you know, puppies don't like being left on their own.

Does the lack of sleep differ between being up all night with a baby to being up all night with a wailing puppy?

I've had experience of both.....Knackered through lack of sleep is knackered....Regardless of the reason.

BriechonCheese · 08/11/2017 23:43

Today 23:38 SingingBabooshkaBadly

I know it's a cliche but when childless people say they're so busy they're exhausted. Without children being busy is often true but it's self inflicted and self controlled. Having children being busy is totally out of control and not one thing after the next. It's 8 things at the same time with no ability to prioritise.

Except it isn't always self-inflicted or self-controlled. What if that childless person is caring for a sick husband, wife or parent whilst working full time? It's so maddening when parents play the 'you don't have children so can't possibly know what it's like to be exhausted'.

The difference between the two situations is that (generally) you made a conscious decision to have a child and relinquish the control you have over your life. Someone caring for a sick partner had that inflicted on them. And they aren't the position of regaining control - and the ability to sleep - as the years go by.

^^

And this too. So much this.

Damn my DH looking after both me and his mother. Or is he allowed to moan because he has DC too?

Original poster
Wiggles9408 · 08/11/2017 23:45

53rdway yep! God I wish I was scooping up pellets of poop... nappy leaked on me today. Not cool.

OP posts:
ManchesterGin · 08/11/2017 23:48

I returned after maternity leave with my third child and my younger female colleague asked me if I'd struggled to get up for work that day after all the lie ins I'd had whilst being off an maternity Confused

ifcatscouldtalk · 08/11/2017 23:49

op I think their comments can certainly come under young/naive/ possibly not interested in babies?
I had my baby a good decade before most of my friends had a baby. They showed polite interest and didn't say anything overly silly but some did have a rose tinted take on it.... As did I before she was bornGrin.

SingingBabooshkaBadly · 08/11/2017 23:52

BrieChonCheese Flowers for you and DH

ifcatscouldtalk · 08/11/2017 23:53

Oh I have remembered one. At a works Xmas do after returning from maternity leave. Older male colleague "how was your little break." This man actually had a child. Confused.

Original poster
Wiggles9408 · 08/11/2017 23:54

Yes ifcatscouldtalk those are definately contributing factors to the comments but I do believe that not being parents is also part of it but definately not all of it that’s for sure! Oh yes my glasses were firmly in place until the day she came and WOW she rocked my world... pictured is snuggling on the sofa reading a book. As previously mentioned she sat with me for five minutes and wriggled and I had poop on my lap. Ahhh lovely.

OP posts:
SocMcDuffin · 08/11/2017 23:59

"Oh I know what its like having a colicky newborn! My cat is my furbaby so it's just the same as being a mummy to a baby!"

NamasteNiki · 09/11/2017 00:02

I know it's a cliche but when childless people say they're so busy they're exhausted. Without children being busy is often true but it's self inflicted and self controlled. Having children being busy is totally out of control and not one thing after the next. It's 8 things at the same time with no ability to prioritise.

Having children being busy is also self inflicted. You chose to have children.

Original poster
Wiggles9408 · 09/11/2017 00:06

namastaniki both assumptions aren’t correct

It’s wrong to assume anyone outside of parenting doesn’t have a tiring stressful life that’s not self inflicted as proven in previous posts.

It’s wrong to assume every parent ‘chose’ to be one.

Let’s move on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wiggles9408 · 09/11/2017 00:06

NamasteNiki sorry damn phone.

OP posts:
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 09/11/2017 00:06

I wa pregnant with DD2 and currently childless future SIL said 'you'll be fine to leave the baby with your mum Monday and fly to the wedding for the week. Also, what's going on with my hen night?'

I was having a C Section on the Friday.

I sadly report, I was bullied into the wedding. Did leave my few day old baby with my mum and flu after CSection in misery.

SIL is now an earth mother type who is an attatchment parent and won't even go to a Christmas lunch in case her baby needs to breastfeed which she likes to do totally naked. (Don't ask.)

bubby64 · 09/11/2017 00:12

Being the mum of twins, I once got told "they can entertain each other and leave you to sleep" ...yeah. ..that worked Hmm

Spuddington · 09/11/2017 00:12

I have a friend who is child free but has a dog. I cannot talk about DD around her because every single thing I say is met with "oh, dog is just like that, it's so hard!"

Seahawk80 · 09/11/2017 00:12

@SingingBabooshkaBadly you have a very good point.

I’m currently feeding DS and have been woken up every 2 hours for the last 4 nights. But I chose to have him, it won’t last forever and the smiles I get make up for it. It’s very different for someone being woken up by an elderly relative or a sick partner. I do think it’s unreasonable to just assume that only parents can be this tired.

Having said that I’m sorry OP that your post has been derailed by arguments about tiredness . On a more lighthearted note my younger colleague asked me at the weekend when I’d come back to work, I said when DS is 1. He then said so when does he start nursery...around 5? Yes I’m just going to leave him with a tv remote and a sandwich until then 😂

Halfdrankbrew · 09/11/2017 00:13

My brother in law and gf got a couple of puppies the same weekend we had our first child. We went round to my in laws and they were there too with their dogs, I was stood holding our newborn baby as you do and so the gf picked up one of the dogs and started to cradle and kiss it (they aren't pretty handbag dogs). When my in laws asked about the baby feeding etc the gf pipes up she's getting up feeding the dogs all night, as though putting a bowl of food out for a dog is the same as being sat up all night breastfeeding a baby. Every time we talked about our daughter, normal new baby chit chat she'd pipe up about the pissing dogs and how tiring it is!!! When they were leaving she invited everyone to kiss the dogs, I pointed out I was holding a newborn, my mil who hates dogs replied "er no".

When I told this story to one of my childless friends she went mad at how awful I was and how the girl was trying to relate to me. No she sat comparing our daughter to a dog for the best part of 2 hours!!!

Halfdrankbrew · 09/11/2017 00:14

Yes spuddington snap!

Arseface · 09/11/2017 00:15

Ach, it only seems weird when you have young children and all of your peers are young too.
There is a disconnect when you're at different stages but it all evens out in the end.

You get caught in a necessarily intense bubble when your DC are little but (although your examples are extreme!) it's not your colleagues being strange, it's you.
Seven months ago you were exactly the same

What was the weirdest thing you remember saying to a new parent before you had a child?

GottadoitGottadoit · 09/11/2017 00:21

Having children being busy is also self inflicted. You chose to have children

That comes across as very pedantic.

GottadoitGottadoit · 09/11/2017 00:25

What was the weirdest thing you remember saying to a new parent before you had a child?

I felt mildly affronted that my friend never took me up on my offer to babysit her newborn. Even though I was renowned at that point for my dislike of children, and babies in particular. Grin

RedForFilth · 09/11/2017 00:25

Having children being busy is also self inflicted. You chose to have children I don't like this attitude that seems to pop up a lot. It wasn't a choice for some of us. I absolutely adore my son, I love him more than I thought possible. But he was conceived during a very brutal attack and I didn't discover the pregnancy until 5 months. I wouldn't change him for the world now of course, but it isn't always a choice.