Poppy etiquette for Germans

[Fanta4]

Nc but long time member.

I am German. I have lived in the UK pretty much all my adult life (my choice, not circumstance). Every year I have an internal debate about whether I should/ should not wear a poppy. Mindful also that I work in a formal, customer facing environment and don’t have a noticeably German accent.

Pros:
_Good cause I support
_On a personal level, very grateful for the sacrifice, particularly WW2, which my parents vividly and horribly remember
_Feel fully part of British society, my children are British etc

Cons
_Feels strangely disrespectful to wear a poppy when my quite recent ancestors caused so much death and destruction
_I’ve had an elderly neighbour at the door selling poppies who would only sell to my husband, so feelings obvs strong in that generation and I don’t want to offend

So over to you, wise Mnetters. AIBU to wear a poppy?

I'm Irish, and there are also issues there with regards the poppy - some who see it as a British symbol of the oppressor, and some who see it as a memorial to the many hundreds of thousands of Irish people who died fighting for the British army in many wars for many reasons. My personal compromise is that I will always give money to the poppy sellers who come to the door (because I think that ex service personnel are frequently failed by the state) but I don't actually wear the poppy.

those who died remembered

But only the British military and their allies. That is what the poppy represents. It is not remembering civilians or enemy soldiers.

I'd wear one IIWY. My half-German, half-British ds (I'm the Brit) will be reading at a remembrance service this week and will be wearing one.

Considering what's going on over here in Germany with the AfD etc (tendencies that are not limited to Germany), the more Germans who show that is not what they stand for and never will be, the better, AFAIC.

I think it is a nice piece of historical revisionism not to mention a gross simplification to paint the German people pre/during Second World War as a hapless bunch who were despite all their good intentions dragged into war by their crazy leader

Shall we weep at the grave of the poor old concentration camp guards, as no doubt they suffered too?

I don't think it's imperialistic and jingoistic at all. It's about ordinary people remembering their loved ones who died in conflict.

"Yes, my ex (German) was totally against poppies, because he thought it glorified war (and was anti-German)."

In contrast my dm who is in her 70s and was bombed out of her parental home aged 2 during WWII asked me to post a poppy for her so she can wear it in Germany.

I wear a poppy not only for Brits but for all victims of war. Nazis were the guilty party not the German people. I always think about the lives lost in general not only British lives. I am strongly against war and would wear a white poppy but never see them.Do what feels right.

MadgeMidgerson I hope this isn’t directed at me as this is precisely why I have started this thread.

Shall we weep at the grave of the poor old concentration camp guards, as no doubt they suffered too?

They too are victims of a hateful regime and would no doubt be shot if they didn't follow orders. Just as British soldiers would be called traitors for going awol.

fanta4

I just wanted to highlight this because in Germany they don’t remember the fallen. But that’s another topic entirely.

National Day of Mourning in Germany

The National Day of Mourning (Volkstrauertag) is an occasion to remember all victims of war and tyranny. Like the Sunday of the Dead (Totensonntag), the National Day of Mourning is a “silent day” - this means that in some regions of Germany music or dance events are prohibited.

www.timeanddate.com/holidays/germany/volkstrauertag

I don't think it's imperialistic and jingoistic at all

I don't think it's controversial to say that many German people approved wholeheartedly with Hitler's aims.

I wear a poppy in remembrance if all the young innocent lives lost in a tragic war, not only the British ones.

I wear a poppy in remembrance if all the young innocent lives lost in a tragic war, not only the British ones

Again, that is not what the poppy is for. The (red) poppy is purely for remembering the British military and allies, not civilians, not enemies.

I was definitely brought up to think that all war is bad and should not be glorified - I was born in the early 80s in East Germany if that makes a difference.

I think it’s the same with showing any signs of national pride or patriotism. This has only changed recently with football world cups, Olympic Games etc. A while back Germans would not have been seen waving flags or being filmed saying they are proud to be German. All out of fear to be regarded as nationalistic.

Number just as there are many members of the BNP in this country. Facists in every country, doesn't men you label them all.

Madge, I don't think anyone's doing that. I happen to think the Germans, at that time, collectively do have a lot of guilt to bear and answer for. There will be greater and lesser degrees of that guilt (and there were the relatively few Germans who carried out acts of resistance). But what is also the case is that of the young men sent to war, most will have been thoroughly and systematically indoctrinated. This doesn't absolve from guilt, and Germany could, for very good reason, never ever have a culture of remembrance like we do in Britain. But I wouldn't care to make any grand statements about how I would have acted in that place and at that time. And, to get back to the topic of the OP, I am not sure why the guilt of a previous generation should stop someone respectfully remembering the sacrifice made to liberate her country as well as many others (what we refer to as VE Day is often referred to in Germany as the Day of Liberation) from Nazism.

MadgeMidgerson

Do you wish to hang your head in shame for all the past atrocities that the British have inflicted on other countries?

You have to take into account the fact that German's would've been killed if they had resisted the Nazi's. Their families would have been punished. Would you do whatever it takes to save your children? To stop them being gassed? Raped? Beaten?
The German soldiers deserve to be mourned. They also suffered at the hands of the Nazi's, they were forced to make awful decisions.

Splinterz Volkstrauertag really isn’t a thing in the same way that rememberance day is here. In fact, I’d never heard of it growing up. Totensonntag is a generic Christian day for remembering all dead.

MsHarry If you are trying to equate the miniscule (but admittedly worrying) numbers of fascists in the UK with the rising of a fascist nation that wanted to wipe Jewish people off the face of the planet and rule Europe by force, then you are utterly deluded.

I come from a different European country but have lived in the UK for a very long time. Our country was invaded by Germany and my dad forcibly conscripted into the German army and fought on the Russian front. Like many other posters on this thread, I wear my poppy for my dad and all other fallen soldiers irrespective of the country of origin.

Foxysoxy Your statement is ridiculously ironic. Countless British people gave their lives to resist fascists in Germany.

Number Many Germans were forced to go along with the Nazis plan. They were bullied and suffered consequences if they didn't.

I do think some people are missing Fanta4's point (forgive third person, Fanta4 :) ). She's asking (AIUI) whether it's OK for her, as a German, to wear a symbol of British remembrance to remember the British fallen, not to wear it in order to remember Germans. That's a leap I think other people are making.

I really dislike the tone of some of the comments on here, Op has come on to ask how she can show respect without offending and I can't believe how some haven't moved on. Very surprised and quite embarrassed.