Poppy etiquette for Germans

[Fanta4]

Nc but long time member.

I am German. I have lived in the UK pretty much all my adult life (my choice, not circumstance). Every year I have an internal debate about whether I should/ should not wear a poppy. Mindful also that I work in a formal, customer facing environment and don’t have a noticeably German accent.

Pros:
_Good cause I support
_On a personal level, very grateful for the sacrifice, particularly WW2, which my parents vividly and horribly remember
_Feel fully part of British society, my children are British etc

Cons
_Feels strangely disrespectful to wear a poppy when my quite recent ancestors caused so much death and destruction
_I’ve had an elderly neighbour at the door selling poppies who would only sell to my husband, so feelings obvs strong in that generation and I don’t want to offend

So over to you, wise Mnetters. AIBU to wear a poppy?

The poppy does not represent soldiers but all servicemen and women. I am Scots and have never had anyone object to a poppy. Scotland has its own poppy: www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-34711800 I was talking to the people at the Poppy Scotland stalls in town and they were inundated with people wanting to buy - not just poppies but badges, lanyards etc; in fact they bring out new ones every year and people collect them.

I am currently wearing Merchant Navy and Royal Navy poppy badges on my lanyard at work as both my parents served. I have marched in many Remembrance Day parades and it has never been jingoistic but a sombre memorial, followed by fellowship and laughter in the Legion; foreign military have always been welcome. When I stand at the memorial I remember the people lost, my grandfather who died as a result of WW1 in 1922 leaving a widow of 22 and two children of 4 and 2, my friend and oppo who died on active service, the people I know who are still suffering the aftereffects of war and conflict, my father's PTSD from Arctic and Atlantic convoys, and so on.

There is always a commonality between those who have served, even if on different sides. There are many stories of respect and friendship across lines, both after and during conflict. I remember my friend's husband, a Royal Marine, coming home from the Falklands and expressing pity for the Argentine conscripts he had fought against. Surgeon Lt-Cdr Rick Jolly is the only person who has been decorated by both sides in the same conflict for the same actions; Argentinian soldiers were treated in the hospital at Bluff Cove the same as the British, according to need. I have served with people from the German Navy, and have had a lover in the Bundeswehr (army).

I will be there at our village memorial on Sunday, wearing a poppy and my medals, probably carrying my parents' and grandfather's in my bag. I shall no doubt cry again, particularly during the reading of the names and the reading of Deep Peace.

Yes, the poppy was instituted after WW1 but continues to remember all conflicts since. The money goes to help those who served and are in need, but many people have moved on and remember all those who have suffered and died, just as we remember those who are now are allies who served in Afghanistan, such as the Germans.

When I see so many hateful posts on Facebook or in online newspaper comments, I wonder how many of these people have actually served because I have only seen friendship and respect between Allied a and German veterans - remember that when Douglas Bader was shot down and captured he was feted by his Luftwaffe opponents.

runners I know but what I am funding and what I am remembering/respecting don't have to be the same thing.
I'm happy to support the British Legion but it doesn't mean I can't think about ALL war dead in ALL wars

Sending love to TooManyPaws - we lost our Arctic Convoy (RN) grandpa this year and it's a very tight community with a scary story to tell. Too many lost

You can’t hold a completely different generation responsible for the awful behaviour etc started by one man.

That would be like blaming me for the British Empire.

I think it’s fine.

The scholl siblings and their work in the white rose movement had more to them than the majority of Germans at the time and they were executed for it

They were teenagers and they resisted

The historical revisionism (not from the OP I might add) on this thread is grim

I think you have every right too.

Many people die in wars all the time and the majority of who dies on either side is innocent people who follow....

The generation may take it more literally as they were mostly affected by the emotions of that particular time...

But it is all how it feels to you...

Wear one if you want to wear one. It's about remembering those lost and showing respect for their sacrifices.

I am distressed to hear the poppy seller ‘would only sell to your husband’. Is that based on nationality, gender or age. Frankly, if people still hate Germans 70 years after the end of the war (and it is EXTREMELY unlikely the poppy seller had a role in WW2), they have kind of missed the point of the poppy and remembrance.

Poppies are about remembering all who have fallen and suffered.
In war everyone loses something.
Wear one if you want to.

We have an elderly neighbour here in Scotland who is originally from Bavaria. He was in the Hitler Youth as a boy. There was no option. After the war he left Germany as soon as he could, and worked for a German company all over the world before settling in Britain. His sons grew up British and served in Scottish regiments. He wears a poppy every year, with gratitude for what this country offered him and his family. I respect him for that and find it quite touching in fact.

On the other hand my English mother, the same age as him, cannot forgive the German nation for the war. I think that is very sad, but I try to understand where she is coming from too.
Just a way to say, there is no simple answer, but I respect anyone from another country who chooses to wear a poppy in a spirit of remembrance.

‘Cannot forgive the nation for the war’ ? How old is the person concerned? The biggest amount of anti-German sentiment I see is from people who weren’t even born in wartime.

Had a discussion with a friend about this after we saw a story that the England Football Team are going to wear a poppy playing the German Team soon. (Don’t do football.)

I said I didn’t really see it as specifically about a war with Germany, more to remember everyone who’s died in every war... a symbol of peace.

He’s a lot older and didn’t see it that way. We both found it very interesting how different generations feel differently about this symbol.

If you are in a customer facing role, you should probably wear one. And thanks for thinking about it so carefully.

I wouldn't worry, we Brits caused lots of pain and devistation to our own people by sending them to fight. We helped Jewis people to die by providing Germans with concentration camps as well as arms.

I feel wearing a Poppy projects a message that I support war in order to have peace. But the other part of me wants to remember the war so we don't have to experienc it again, especially with our German neighbours. Buuut, we do continue to bomb and interfere with our fellow humans in the east. It's a tough one. There is a peace poppy you can get, it's white, perhaps we should wear that.

As to the good cause, it is a good one and you can give without wearing the wee poppy.

My otherwise very tolerant grandpa certainly forgave the Germans for the war. There were PoWs in his community who stayed (technically went home to Germany then back to the UK) for decades afterwards and were loved and valued friends.

But he never forgave the Japanese. He was in the Navy and on his way East when the war ended. I don't think he ever got over his fear. Allied PoWs were treated very badly by the Japanese.

SocMcDuffin just watched that song. Says it all really. :(

I would wear one, but I understand your hesitation. I’m from Norway, and Norwegian sounds similar to German. I have experienced from the older generation the hesitation and slight mistrust because they think I’m German, and it has stopped me from speaking my native language when out and about. It’s not everyone, but there are still some out there who have prejudices.

riceuten well obviously if she's the same age as the chap who was in the Hitler Youth during the war, she was born before the war. It's the memories of what happened in the war to family and friends, including her father who died as a result of injuries, which have coloured her views. I've tried to reason it out with her but then I haven't walked in her shoes, so I just try to understand why she feels like she does even though I don't share her feelings.

Lots of people wear poppies to remember all the fallen, but that's not what they're actually symbolising. They are specifically to remember British servicement and women, not all the people war has killed. I don't agree with that, for a variety of reasons, including that I think the poppy has been subverted and used by successive governments to jingoistic and exclusionary effect, including making them into symbol of colonial oppression I don't want to identify with.

So I wear a white poppy, for peace, to symbolise my remembering everyone in war. I have no issue with the Royal British Legion, though, so I donate to them too.

I also make an actual effort to actually honour my current friends and family who are in the services and remember those we've lost, rather than just sticking a poppy on because that's what you're supposed to do.

Do whatever you feel comfortable. The Poppy is representing service people who died in service of country. No matter which country, sons/daughters, husbands/wives all died giving service in war.

We’re too accepting of pensioner racism and prejudice stoked up by the tabloid press, and are the first to whine when we feel the British haven’t had a fair crack of the whip or have been treated unfairly. I have lost count of the times gormless morons come out with baseless anti-French prejudice and yet are the first to say they feel the have been discriminated against. Personally, I used to wear the poppy but stopped when it seemed to become a requirement in order to prove your level of patriotic. I admire hugely the work the British Legion do, but they themselves warn against ‘poppy fascism’ and are tolerant of the white peace poppy- unlike the mouth breathers who infest Facebook and ram it down people’s throats

Wear a poppy to remember the fallen and the money goes to a good cause. It's sad that Germany doesn't remember the fallen, do they have a similar alternative or viewpoint that means that they remember a different aspect? As for your neighbour. Maybe they sold one to your husband and when he bought one, they assumed only he needed one? Or didn't want to press you?

My grandmother was Austrian, she married an English man and always wore a poppy.

I was always lead to believe that remembrance day was to remember all fallen soldiers not just the soldiers that died in WW2. Although Germans and British were on opposing sides during WW2 they have been on the same side for other wars. Both sides of me (My German side from my mother and my Scottish side from my father) wears my poppy with pride. It is something I have never questioned x

White poppy is a sign of someone without the ability to understand the simple concept that poppies are worn to remember the dead. One suspects that every soldier killed in every war would advocate peace as better than war, so what is the white poppy for exactly? To me it is for people to disrespect those who gave up their lives - it is only for virtue-signallers and the wilfully ignorant

That's not correct, Andres. White poppies symbolise everyone who has been killed in a war civilians and opposing sides included. Red poppies as sold by the admirable Royal British Legion are specifically for British service men and women.

Lots of people wear them to symbolise everyone but that's not what their actual founders, makers and sellers say they are for. There's a good BBC article about the difference here: www.bbc.co.uk/remembrance/how/poppy.shtml