Can we start a CF Christmas thread?

[AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley]

Because:

I need some light relief

I'll start. DS (nc now) once texted me on Christmas Eve to tell me (not ask) that her and DN were coming for Christmas...and staying for three weeks!

There was a list of instructions with the text, including:

I'll be sleeping in your room, and you, DH and DN can all share with DD, because I've had him all year alone and need a break. (She actually told me she was giving me a chance to prove that I was a better aunty than a sister!)

There'll be none of that (insert horrible racist word beginnig with P) shit that you normally cook. I'm allergic to hot food.

DN wakes up at 5.30. He needs breakfast within a half hour of waking, or else he won't be able to poo later in the day.

I need picking up at 6.00 at the latest, so you can give him tea.

Then she had the nerve to text DH and tell him I'd agreed to it, and she was ready to be collected! DH left work, and it wasn't until I'd been waiting in the rain for him to pick me up as arranged, and called him, that I dound out he was halfway to where she lived! (30 miles from us).

I'd just ignored the text.

He came straight back, I sent a "lol, dream on!" text, cue months- MONTHS- of PA fbk statuses about family not being everything, etc, etc...

Anyone else?

Friend (who I always buy for) asked if I could get her ds a jumperoo... I laughed and asked if she had any other ideas. She did want me to spend nearly £100 on a baby shower gift so her sense of entitlement and CF’ery is well established.

Just slightly CF. My uncle and his wife used to send my husband and I slightly odd presents we'd never use (stainless steel wine goblets, glass avocado dishes) One year they sent us a tartan toilet bag-with someone else's gift tag from the previous year! When I wrote my thank you note I enclosed it, and said 'you left this inside'. Last present we ever got from them.

I misread that as "tartan toilet seat"...I was going to ask you where they'd got it from!

On the "crap gifts" subject, me and DH try to outdo each other every year by buying (besides other things) the shittest, most tacky gift for Christmas! Think chipped teapots, and a sweater with a woodland scene on it...

The issue?

I usually like mine!

My ex bil and sil would turn up for Christmas dinner and bring nothing at all - no wine, chocs or anything. My family always turned up with contributions to the dinner so I had always expected it.
However it wasn’t a problem until they wanted to take leftovers home with them and a bottle of wine to have with it!

We always did a secret Santa at work. One year we did it, handed out all the strips of paper thenabout a week later one lady said she didn’t want to do it. Lovely lady organising it said ‘Oh, dont worry I’ll buy it. Tell me who it is and I’ll sort it’. Other lady didn’t want to let anyone else do it either. She huffed and puffed nd wouldn’t stop going on about how she didn’t have time for it.

When we all opened our present, lovely lady opened hers to find a little cardboard box switch £9 in it. We were all until stroppy lady revealed cardboard box cost £1 and she couldn’t think what to put in it.

Bostin your post reminds me of my DB. The year I had DS1 I was really stuck on a present for him and too sleep deprived to trek around looking for inspiration. He Only buys designer clothes or expensive stuff for himself and has everything. Decided to get him some loungewear pjs. Thought they were nice. He didn't turn up to mine for xmas day so didn't get the present until next family gathering. When he opened it he went silent and then said 'what are these? Pjs? I don't wear pjs I sleep naked.' Obviously I wouldn't know that! I was speechless. Other DB's wife tried to smooth situation by saying that he could just put them on in the evenings to relax. He still looked at them in disgust. Months later he tells me he has worn the pjs and seemed to want praise for it!

Secret Santas seem to cause any amount of crap for people. Someone always whines and moans about what they get, even if it's a perfectly ordinary, passable gift. Someone always buys something like a buttplug or incontinence pants as a 'joke'. Some poor sod's always got to buy for the most snowflakey, self-righteous, 'allergic'-to-everything member of staff - the sort of colleague with whom you can't win even if you do buy them the Oxfam Goat because there are 'more important charities you could have chosen...'

I hate Christmas. All this stress!

My SIL has a history of CFery. Christmas just brings this out more.

I've always bought her DC presents that I know they want. One year her eldest (14) had been saving up for a particular (fairly expensive) item of clothing. I knew that she really wanted to be able to wear it to a school event in January and it was clear that she was not likely to have the money she needed in time. Given that she was clearly trying hard to save herself, DM and I decided to give her the rest of the cash she needed (about £150) between us for Christmas. She sent us a photo of her in the boots she bought, but no thank you message (par for the course).

For several years after that (ending only when I had to tell her that my circumstances had changed and I would not be able to spend much on presents) SIL and nieces assumed we would do the same thing. In early November they would start telling us what they planned to spend our money on this year (which made it pretty hard to stop). This is CF enough, but I accepted it as I knew that they didn't have much spare cash and they didn't really understand that it seemed a bit rude.

Most years I gave them a small gift to open as well as the cash. The final year I couldn't really afford to spend what I did (I spent far less on my own, younger DC). As her 'extra' present I gave the older niece (now 19) a make-up set that had been a free gift with some toiletries I bought for MIL. Niece complained that one of the items was the wrong colour for her and asked if I had the receipt so she could take it back. I explained that it had been a free gift so she couldn't really return it. She sulked for the rest of the day and she and SIL still make jokes about what I might get for free and wrapped up for birthdays/Christmas (eg 'Got a free sample of washing powder- do you want it for MIL's birthday ha ha ha').

Work secret Santa is always shite. Why not give everyone the afternoon off to go get hammered instead?

'She wants a surprise again this year hmm'

Wrap up an empty box.

please how rude of your niece to complain about the colours. I would quit buying presents for any of them.

My ex BIL & SIL always used to send us links to some very specific, usually expensive, item that they wanted for Christmas. That’s fine because we’d have rather got something that they wanted but they never reciprocated. When we sent them links to things we wanted they’d always say “we’ve already got your presents”
One year BIL bought his two brothers socks, half a multi pack of socks each. IIRC my ex’s brother got the packaging with his half of the pack and ex just got three pairs of socks. That same Christmas they’d asked for a £40 computer game for BIL and makeup costing about £50 for SIL. I got something that was clearly a free gift from a book club.
One year we sent them a link to something we wanted for Christmas in April . They still said they’d already got our presents. Lying bastards.
Leaving my ex was the best thing I ever did. He was a git but his family were complete arseholes. Knowing I never had to see them again was just the best thing ever when I decided to leave him.

My in laws are CF's all year round but the level of cheeky fuckery definitely intensifies at Christmas. Where to start?

The first Christmas after DH and I moved in together PIL's were insistent we come to their house for Christmas lunch. When we arrived, after driving for two hours, they had done absolutely nothing, not so much as peeled a vegetable. It turned out they had invited us round expecting us to cook for them.

One year SIL emailed everyone a couple of days before Christmas to inform us that DN has plenty of toys and would like cash instead. I explained that I'd already bought (and wrapped) her present so she replied suggesting I unwrap it, return it and take it back to the shop for a refund as DN "would really rather have the money". DN was 4 at the time.

Then there was the year PIL's presented DH with a card with £20 in it, moments before handing his sister the keys to a new car. Another year he got a jumper and she got a mini break for her and a friend.

When we had our first DC we decided we wanted to spend that Christmas Day at home as we were still getting to grips with new Parenthood and couldn't face the drive. We explained this to PIL's but told them they were more than welcome to come to us. They declined. Cue phonecalls from several random family members we hardly ever see demanding DH explain why he has "broken his mother's heart" by telling her she's "not allowed to see her DGC on Christmas day".

I could go on.

With SZ, I got the whole "well, you WORK, you can afford it!

I was a SAHP/college studant at the time. Yes, DH WORKs, but we have these funny things called BILLS to pay!

I don't know how I forgot this part of the conversation, but I told her I was skint after getting all my DC's Christmas gifts. Her response? "You can take some of them back. Your kids don't like Stuff anyway, you said yourself".

My DC haven't got rooms full of toys, granted. Our apartment is TINY and there's no room for a shitload of junk! (Oh, I got slated for not buying them an xbox- that's akin to child cruelty apparantly!)

Christmas dinner is held at our house as we have the space. We used to go out as a family group (us, PIL, BIL, Dh's 1st MIL & SIL and a couple of others) but after a couple of duff meals we decided we'd rather all chip in.

So everyone either brings an element of the dinner or just chips in some cash. It's been that way for 6 years now.

2 years ago BIL's then new gf decided she did want to join the secret Santa (the adults do a £30 ss) and come for Christmas dinner. However she then labelled DH a CF for charging people for Christmas dinner. No matter how many times it was explained to her she just couldn't grasp that her suggestion of "the host pays and you take turns" didn't work. Eventually Bil said he'd chip in her share. She came, drank a fucktonne of alcohol despite bringing none (the kitty covers some soft drinks & a couple of glasses of wine, people bring their own), plated up 3 plates of leftovers to take home to her mums and gave MIL a £30 Argos voucher as her gift.

I have an elderly relative who always gifts really odd things found in charity shops. I don't think he's a CF but I do think it's sad that he doesn't use his money to make people happy. He has a lot of it sitting in the bank but won't touch it thanks to his wartime spirit.
It's sad to think a huge part will go to inheritance tax when he could've bought nice gifts for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren (I'm a distant relative so don't expect anything at all).

I have a good secret Santa one! It’ll out me but fuck it!

In my last job, one January we had a management shift about, so we all got new managers. My friend and colleague, let’s call him Carl, was now being managed by ‘Keith’.

Keith was a total nob to Carl all year. Never praises him for (very high standard) work, took the credit for Carl’s work, cancelled Carl’s holidays so he could take his own, and refused to let him have 2 extra few days off after paternity leave because his wife had a c-section and her wound became infected so she needed help at home. He would routinely humiliate and belittle Carl and I was very worried for my friend as I could see he was on the edge of a breakdown.

Come Xmas, Carl drew Keith for secret Santa. Being a good egg, he didn’t buy him a shit gift but a bottle of posh whiskey as Keith loved whiskey. He refused to stoop to his level.

On the day of secret Santa, someone shouted up that we’ll exchange gifts at 4pm. Keith ranted about how he never knew it was today (lots of emails had gone out) blames Carl for not telling him (Carl was not a PA of any sort), told him he’d got Carl anyway then huffed off to the shop at lunchtime. He had a see-through Tesco bag with 4 cans of special brew in, obviously his gift.

Carl was furious, but didn’t show it. He doesn’t drink, Keith knew this, obviously Keith just got whatever was cheap (on his £90k salary).

So Carl told me that fuck Keith, the whiskey was gonna go to his dad and would I help him find a shit gift in Tesco. We went out about bought £10 worth of Tesco value pasta in various forms (Keith was on a no carbs diet). They gave us a big box which we covered in wrapping paper and placed the pasta inside. He looked overjoyed when it was brought out, and had a massive strop when he opened it. He never knew who bought it! He at least had the good grace to donate it all to the food bank, but only because his boss told him to!

We went out about bought £10 worth of Tesco value pasta in various forms (Keith was on a no carbs diet).

This makes me unreasonably happy. Good on Carl!

We're the least well-off part of our family on both sides (comfortable, but had pfb in mid-twenties) so it's possible others think we're tight. Certain overgenerous in-laws have cooled off in recent years but I don't know if that's to punish us or because they've realised we don't want or need piles of gifts.

The only CF is a relation of DH's and only by marriage, so I don't feel much obligation who turned up to the gentle family get-together blind drunk - literally: she didn't recognise anyone and sat with her eyes shut, sort of swaying. We're hosting this year: WIBU to insist that she only come if sober? It's a 2pm multigenerational buffet type thing at which less than half the room will have a drink at all, and those maybe a glass of wine or two.

Three unconnected paragraphs there. I don't really think we're CFs: the presents might be cheaper but they're well-received, and we always arrive with contributions to dinner/wine, and take turns hosting.

Ooh, I've just remembered one which is a combination of cheeky and very sad.

In context - my family have big Christmas Eve celebrations, as well as Christmas Day. I go to my parents and my fiance and I have a separate day between us, my sister comes to our Christmas Eve, but goes to her husband's family for Christmas Day.

This particular year, DSis is coming alone, and is sulking about it, missing her then fiance. My dad has had food poisoning recently so can only eat basic food, and my mum makes a more basic dinner accordingly. I join in, bring some bits and pieces to enjoy on top, and generally try to keep the cheer up. DSis does nothing but complain about not having a proper Christmas dinner.

My mum's best friend of sixty years is also dying. Late on Christmas Eve, we get the call from her husband that she has sadly passed away. My mum puts a very brave face on it, we go to Midnight Mass as usual. Christmas Day she is in a very heightened state of emotion. Checking the weather every five minutes to see whether it's good for a walk, fussing about a lot of things, very obviously trying her best. Yes, her behaviour is annoying, but I try to keep her on an even keel with all sorts of 'Don't worry about that!', 'I'll do that' type comments. DSis responds with slapped-arse face and grumpy responses to whatever she says.

We get out on the walk, and I try to say that she ought to lay off, and try and enjoy herself. DSis then tells ME that I am making things worse, and that she 'doesn't have to be here'!!!

Yeah, well with an attitude like that, you can fuck right off and no one will miss you. Next year she was on honeymoon with her husband and we honestly had the loveliest time without her.

Not sure if this is actually cf or not but at least it is a bit weird

We are invited to mil house for Xmas dinner. She likes to eat early so we are asked to arrive at 12.30pm. We arrive at 12.33pm due to bumping into a friend outside, to find that mil and her partner had eaten already and washed up. They couldn't wait as they had been up since 5am. They had played our portion up which we ate alone at the table as she wouldn't even sit with us.

Following year she invites us again. I ask her if she is going to wait for us this time. She says she is an early riser and might struggle to. I ask her why she can't have breakfast or a snack to keep her going. She reluctantly agreed to wait for us. When we arrive she has been true to her word. BUT she has installed a tv on the wall above the table. She seats her, her dp and my dp on the side facing the tv and me underneath t. So I end up sitting watching those 3 gormlessly eat and watch tv with no conversation.

I refuse to go now.

This makes me unreasonably happy. Good on Carl!

MrsHathaway this thread has made me text Carl (who I haven’t seen in aaaages) and say remember when we bought the pasta for Keith, aren’t we funny and he’s apparently still a bastard, let’s meet up with the kids so this thread has done some good at least

I went to SIL's for Xmas a few years back. MIL had cooked the Turkey and taken it (wrapped in foil and towels) hot to her DD's house.

We get there at midday and nothing else has been started. SIL&BIL announce that they are going to have a drink at a neighbours house and leave us babysitting their DC, for about 2 hours. No food or nibbles are available. They then return, clearly having had drinks and significant nibbles.

I think one large bag of crisps were offered. At 7pm an aunt asked if the potatoes were going to be put on soon, as they had been planning to leave at about this time for a reasonably long drive home.

We ate at 2130. Nothing overly complicated and by my family's standards a bit lacking in veg (roast spuds she'd prepped and frozen, steamed parsnips the travesty carrots and sprouts.), not that I cared because it was food.

I was EBF a month old DC. The ONLY reason I was able to stay that long without food is that my Dsis had given me a huge tray of Thornton's chocolates which I was munching on when I headed into hangry territory. Afterwards DH said I'd been unreasonable not to share them with him (jokingish) and I pointed out I was keeping his child alive

The following year I hosted. I said to arrive between 11-12 for a 1pm dinner. They arrived at 1.30 but it was OK because I knew not to start short cooking time things until you see them in the flesh. We ate at 2pm. I got criticised for cooking too much veg, and then the buggers ate the lot and I had to cook more for my boxing day bubble&squeak.