Can we start a CF Christmas thread?

[AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley]

Because:

I need some light relief

I'll start. DS (nc now) once texted me on Christmas Eve to tell me (not ask) that her and DN were coming for Christmas...and staying for three weeks!

There was a list of instructions with the text, including:

I'll be sleeping in your room, and you, DH and DN can all share with DD, because I've had him all year alone and need a break. (She actually told me she was giving me a chance to prove that I was a better aunty than a sister!)

There'll be none of that (insert horrible racist word beginnig with P) shit that you normally cook. I'm allergic to hot food.

DN wakes up at 5.30. He needs breakfast within a half hour of waking, or else he won't be able to poo later in the day.

I need picking up at 6.00 at the latest, so you can give him tea.

Then she had the nerve to text DH and tell him I'd agreed to it, and she was ready to be collected! DH left work, and it wasn't until I'd been waiting in the rain for him to pick me up as arranged, and called him, that I dound out he was halfway to where she lived! (30 miles from us).

I'd just ignored the text.

He came straight back, I sent a "lol, dream on!" text, cue months- MONTHS- of PA fbk statuses about family not being everything, etc, etc...

Anyone else?

I won a Fortnum and Masons mince tart in a raffle some years ago. Thrilled until I saw the use by date was the previous Christmas. After much thought opened the tin it was in and ate some. Delicious, the booze in it had matured it beautifully.

I received a pack of fruit flavoured condoms one year in an office Secret Santa, a book on farting another year. A colleague received a tin of cat food. I used to spend ages looking for something halfway reasonable for my person so not impressed. This was in the days when the spend was £2 so a challenge.

O dear. It would appear that I nay be a Christmas CF. I spend more on my single siblings than I do on the ones with kids.
The total amount spent is roughly the same but obviously divided by more people.
In my defence I ask my siblings to only buy for our kids.

Hahaha Mumma Twinkle Toes. On admitting your PA teenage CF present giving. Fair do's to you DM for putting her foot down. Please tell us you all get on well now and swap well thought out gifts or goats.

My FIL is a CF when it comes to buying presents for me.

Lavish hamper between me and DH - my 'main' (but joint) not DH's main present (he is their only son of course he gets more) full of things only DH likes. Nuts (I have an allergy), ale (not my drink), cheeses (only like cheddar!) You get the picture. The only nod to me existing is 2 bottles of cider and a bar of nut based chocolate. And they were bog standard Kopperberg type (apparently DH's hint to him was not 'supermarket mainstream ciders ) So I had a bar of allergy inducing chocolate for Christmas. We have been together 12 Christmases...

But last Christmas was truly brilliant. FIL was off the booze due to booze induced illness. DH's hint was a nice bottle of bubbles. Lo and behold I get a boxed bottle of bubbly! With a gift card tucked in the flap saying 'To FIL. Merry Christmas 2016 Love Rich Friends' What a CF!!! Yes I got a nice bottle of bubbles but the card just took the piss at how little I mean to him.

My sister is a CF when it comes to presents. Give a long list to Dad (who is not well off) and grandparents for the kids and most commonly gives folk a scratch card. One year I got an individual pot of Lucky Charms breakfast cereal!

Mine was a demand for a visit on Boxing Day.
GP staying for Xmas, we were taking them out to a concert.
But hey, dn, who can't bear to be without gp insists on coming to us Boxing Day. We are out we say. But there they were, waiting fir us as we drive back from the concert, telling us how long it took to drive here and how it was t really worth coming for such a short time...

We should have an Apre Christmas CF thread..to see all what happened THIS Christmas.

I'm enjoying all this Cheeky Fuckerdom

My BIL/SIL make request for their three children, usually around the £20 region.

A couple of years ago I only had one DC, DC receives a 3"x3" cardboard book which could not have cost £5.

I was gobsmacked, BIL/SIL are very vocal about the fact they are well off and do not have a mortgage.

Unfortunately I like my nieces so I still buy them gifts, but I don't ask their parents what they want anymore, and spend no more than £10

My best friend is a CF when it comes to money and well....a lot of things actually now I think about it?

Anyway, one Christmas she presented me and my baby DD with a huge hamper, all done up in cellophane with a bow etc. Wow!

Then I open it up....

She had literally gone round her house and put stuff in that she didn’t want anymore. A half empty bottle of in-shower cremè, an opened pack of cotton buds, some bits from Avon that were at least 6-8 years old(?!), an old top of her daughters (for mine) that was stained and had shrunk and was totally the wrong size, a scratched plastic bangle seemingly from 1989, you get the gist.

I mean, what can you say to that?

I mean, what can you say to that

what did you say? 😂

Yeah... what did you say?

The only thing to do is to spend a fiver on an over the top exquisite gift box and regift her back her shite, putting in one half opened item each xmas at a time. That's you sorted for her gifts for next 20 years

What is CF?

Also I cannot believe that someone talked to you like this. Disgraceful.

I wouldn't have a 'best friend' who is a CF so I wouldn't have been required to say anything.

What can you say,?
"Do you happen to have the contact details for the hamper company? I think there might have been a mix up and I got a joke one. It was hilarious though"

PCBH DVDs

I read that as Pirates of the Cari-Be-Han. Pretty sure that's not right.

I think I might be a CF. We go to aunt's for Christmas after years of going to grandparents. We are infirmed ojf this. My mum is allowed to do the sprouts but that's out. Big fuss of aunt vdoing all the cooking, won't allow help. Uncle chooses wine and and we are informed about it - no chance of him accepting any. We bring pressies of course but that's it. Cant afford more anyway. To be honest we are only in contact at all because of wider family. Any suggestions?

Sprouts but that's it*

Why go if you don't want to?

Because there are elderly family members who would be very upset if we didn't. We all just go on best manners.

Diarrhoea about 6pm Xmas Eve. Stops about 11pm. Can't leave house for 24hrs.
If it's good enough for the schools, it's good enough for the rellies.

No, we're going, no question about that. It's likely to be a last Christmas four one person. Just how do I stop being a CF?

One year at PILs, SIL had invited a new partner round for the day. He asked MIL if he could do anything to help in the kitchen and ended up cooking the entire dinner single handedly for everyone after she then left him to it.

The last few years PIL get the turkey, DH and I get the other food bits and BIL supplies the drinks. One year SIL was asked to bring some tin foil with her. She pulled off a tiny piece then hid the roll in her bag so we couldn't use any more. That was her entire contribution.

First Christmas here married and with DS. Every year before DH and I have gone to our own families and this has been fine. Talking about what we're doing this year so both sides can see DS. Hosting everyone isn't an option can't inflict MIL on my family as we physically have not got the room. My family is 3, his 7 including him.

MIL asks when over at ours a few weeks ago what we're doing. I said we're still deciding how to divide it since we couldn't have everyone over since we couldn't fit everyone. She says 'but you like cooking'. Yes but not a full Christmas dinner for 11 with an EBF 4 month old. I say about no way to fit everyone. She shows me how it will work. Points to where everyone will sit and since we wouldn't fit anything on the table (it wouldn't fit people sitting,let alone one plate each). Tells me I can do silver service style bringing over each dish and plate up what everyone wants.

She hasn't counted for my family OR ME to sit down to eat since 'You can just go to them when you're finished here for dinner can't you?'.