Can we start a CF Christmas thread?

[AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley]

Because:

I need some light relief

I'll start. DS (nc now) once texted me on Christmas Eve to tell me (not ask) that her and DN were coming for Christmas...and staying for three weeks!

There was a list of instructions with the text, including:

I'll be sleeping in your room, and you, DH and DN can all share with DD, because I've had him all year alone and need a break. (She actually told me she was giving me a chance to prove that I was a better aunty than a sister!)

There'll be none of that (insert horrible racist word beginnig with P) shit that you normally cook. I'm allergic to hot food.

DN wakes up at 5.30. He needs breakfast within a half hour of waking, or else he won't be able to poo later in the day.

I need picking up at 6.00 at the latest, so you can give him tea.

Then she had the nerve to text DH and tell him I'd agreed to it, and she was ready to be collected! DH left work, and it wasn't until I'd been waiting in the rain for him to pick me up as arranged, and called him, that I dound out he was halfway to where she lived! (30 miles from us).

I'd just ignored the text.

He came straight back, I sent a "lol, dream on!" text, cue months- MONTHS- of PA fbk statuses about family not being everything, etc, etc...

Anyone else?

Easy

My sister...sent me a long list of things her children would like for Christmas. None of it cheap.

Got to Christmas Day and she didn't turn up at the family do due to "circumstances" so left the gifts with my mum as I rarely see my sister.

Turns out what actually had happened, she hadn't bought anything for my children so had avoided coming round so not to face it. She collected her children's gifts the next day

More fool me as she did it again the year after and her children's birthdays

My kids have not had a gift from their aunt in two years

This year I'm not buying them ANYTHING

NuggetFeatures! 🤣🤣🤣 I am going to introduce that to my daily vocabulary 👍🏻

Not so much CF as just plain ignorant...last Christmas Day I had to call an emergency ambulance out for my DH (who has cancer). I had already phoned the specialist dept at the hospital he is under who were quite clear "put the phone down and call 999 immediately" so had taken advice). After having to explain neutropenic sepsis, the ambulance dispatcher asked me twice "well, will he die in the next 5 minutes?". Aghast!

(Having related this tale to DH's consultant the next week, I was told that the correct answer in future is "YES".)

PS Fortunately, he didn't die, the ambulance arrived and he was admitted to hospital. I'm hoping this Christmas might be a bit better!

Mine is secret santa related.

A few years ago our department was much bigger than it is now, we probably numbered around 30 people and secret santa had always been fairly typical. Some joke gifts, some well thought through gifts and some "I forgot and this is all I managed on my way to work" gifts.

One year QueenCF and KingCF declared that it would be far more sensible if everyone just chipped in £10 each for a Christmas present then they would go to Boots to buy presents for everyone so no one ended up with rubbish or left out.

Stupidly a fair amount of my colleagues agreed because they thought it would be easier.

None of them clocked until afterwards that QCF and KCF had used the 3 for 2 to save money and collected in excess of £200 worth of Boots points on their personal cards. They kept the money then acted like generous wonderful people dishing out gifts - a third of which didn't need paying for.

I haven't done secret santa since. Now I just buy a hamper of food for foodbank instead.

Fuzzy!!!!!

Like you need to hear that???

🌷🌷🌷🌷

Jesus, Fuzzy.

This Christmas wishing you nothing more trying than a slightly dry turkey, or underwhelming cracker contents.

And an absolute shit-ton of Quality Street, crap TV, and cheese-related-heartburn. Naice cheese. 💖

OP, at least you won't have to invite her to the new house though...thank goodness 😊😊😊.

maddie this thread is actually giving me the light relief I need while the cleaners are in! 😅

I had a (now ex) friend and her children over for Christmas day. The day started well enough, but it soon became apparent that she had no intention of doing anything at all, by which I mean parenting her children.

So while trying to sort out Christmas dinner for 9 I had to:

Deal with DD2's upset that ex-F's 2DC had opened all of the jigsaw puzzles and mixed the pieces together, scattering other pieces. We threw them away as clearly pieces were missing and bought new ones in the sale,

Her DC climbing on the back of the sofa and ripping the zips that attached the leather cushions. ex-F had always been so careful about the correct use of her own furniture and I couldn't quite believe she'd let them do it to mine. The zips were wrecked so I've just superglued along the length.

Sorted out her own dinner but did nothing to help her DC (aged 3 and 5) get theirs so DH and I started serving ourselves as she tucked into seconds.

After we'd done the washing up (and she sat and drank wine) and they were about to leave DD1 (6) came in tears and said that she couldn't stop them. I went through to find they'd opened a play tunnel and put it across the hallway. Her DC were taking everything apart in one room and throwing it through the tunnel into DD2's bedroom. CDs and DVDs had been taken out of cases, the disc, case and paper inserts had gone through as 3 separate items. Ornaments had been thrown and broken, books, candles, yarn I'm a knit/crochet person hats and gloves, shoes. Lego Oh god the lego! Just everything. It was about a foot deep in the doorway.

ex-F offered to stay to help pick it up, but I just smiled and said I'd sort it. I just needed her gone. We shut the door and DH said they were never to set foot in the house again.

The best bit? In the morning she phoned a mutual friend and sobbed about how lonely her Xmas had been and how no-one had bothered with her. MF then invited her over to join her Boxing Day and the kids did similar in their house to the point that her DP said the same as my DH.

When MF and I worked this out after Xmas we decided we were both done with the CF.

My DS (now VLC) once invited me for Christmas at her home. She asked for £25 as a contribution which I gave her. I arrived and found that there were four other guests (none of them family). I then later found out that I was the only person asked for money! The other guests contributed nothing, were heavy drinkers and as I was driving I didn't drink alcohol.
This was after two years of my giving her lifts to go shopping, go to the hospital and days out, and I lent her money (which I rarely got back) at least once month because she didn't want to ask her very high earning partner for money when she'd spent the £1500 a month he gave her (after he had paid the bills).
You could not make it up.

A dodgy school friend of my Ex MILs sister had a Christmas market store selling beautifully arranged, ready wrapped, gift baskets, food hampers and a gift wrapping service for various other things she was selling.

She was only there for a day and she was very busy. She didn't live locally anymore but was visiting for a few months. My Ex MIL bought two of the sets discretely whilst I was there and then gave me one later as a Christmas present. The one I received had some empty boxes inside and some already used toiletries.

Cheeky because she'd said she'd spent ages wrapping them all up so knew the boxes were empty and knew someone would be opening them up for Christmas. Cheeky because she made such a fuss of my MIL and saying how nice it was to see her and how they'd get together after Christmas etc. She even gave her a reduced price as she was a friend!

Some of these!

Oh don't worry...I grew some balls after Shagzilla! I've found I can be assertive AND a nice person at the same time.

I let my DS's take advantage for so long because there was deeply buried guilt there. It's taken a while for me to actually find myself, and discover I don't owe the world any more than I feel comfortable giving!

Shagzilla... (someone needs to post a really funny one after this, because I'm about to bring the thread down) I heard on the grapevine that she lost custody of the kids. There were things going on that even I didn't know. 😐

My mum was batshit crazy and adored my brother in a very sick way. One year it was obvious that depite buying him a drum kit and an electric guitar - along with all the many accoutrements, she had forgotten to buy me anything. Rather than just admit it, or give me money, she wrapped up a used pair of her shoes (three sizes too big for me - and about as far removed from my own taste as possible) and a handbag that was still full of ancient tissues and strands of tobacco. THEN she gave the bag to my brother to put some of the electrical bits and bobs into. Sigh....

Sorry Radley - not funny. Those poor kids! I hope they're okay!

Your sister is an absolute cf

The Christmas Eve DS used to send me links to things as "ideas for DN"...because DN wears Daisy Perfume and size 5 ugg boots, you know! (DN was 3 at the time).

I would LOVE for people to donate to a food bank or something instead of buying me a gift- but the CF should have let you know and let you decide whether you gave or not!

I have had ok SS presents in school staffrooms but here's the worst 3:
When we were asking each other, some weeks before, what we were getting ours and what we'd like ourselves I said 'Anything from Body Shop' . Someone who knew I didn't share her huge opinion of herself smirked as I opened my BS ruler, rubber and pencil sharpener.
Then there was a second hand looking book of limericks with the printed price scribbled out presumably as it was below the amount we'd all agreed to spend. I cheerfully and truthfully said I liked limericks but had missed the point. The back cover blurb included an example about someone's bad teeth. It had come from a senior member of staff who'd sneered when I had 2 days off to have a tooth out and said no one else did that. It was a wisdom tooth and involved a night in hospital and a general anaesthetic.
I wasn't hurt by what I got in the lucky dip at a big comp. 'The lads' of the staff were known for wrapping unlabelled tins of dog food and such. The dip was completely random, I got a free sample of loo cleaner just like the one which had come through my letter box the previous day!
Secrets Santa? Such fun!

Now the random lucky dip is right up my street! I would have needed new pants! (Because I'd piss myself laughing, not to wear just for the lucky dip!)