Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

I'd say it would be a faux pas. Whoever has set up the meal has picked the time, place etc and has clearly said that it is a split bill. To attend then only spring it on everyone at the end of the meal that you are only paying for what you had, will put a spanner in the works and a downer on the evening with faffing around with the bill. It would be a different matter if you discretely asked to pay for your own in advance of agreeing to attend however.

Hey @olivia, oh yes I meant if the couple mentioned beforehand that this is what they preferred to do. In that case, if they only have a set amount to spend, I don't see why they should have to miss out, it's not as if they're going and refusing to pay! Which definitely WOULD make for an awkward evening.

This thread is so interesting, I've given up now trying to convince posters that us 'pay for our own' lot are not penny pinching scrooges who don't have a generous bone in our bodies.
Am off sick so now trying to analyse the attitudes from a very amateur psychology viewpoint.

A few comments about being made to feel guilty if a fellow diner 'only' orders a main and water - why does that make you feel guilty? Some people GENUINELY aren't that hungry you know, even when it's their main meal. I'm not one of them, but I know people who eat light all the time so couldn't physically eat three courses - should they order it anyway for the sake of others? I think it was suggested upthread that in that case they don't attend.

I remembered last night going for a meal with DH's friend and a few others, he was insistent on paying for everyone and told us all he'd be very offended if we didn't order three courses and they had to be the most expensive things on the menu. I only wanted coke because of medication which he was ok with, but because I didn't order the steak that was £60 odd he got really funny with me! Was incredibly awkward. I wondered what his thought process was that he got so offended by us not having exactly what he dictated. Don't get me wrong, he's incredibly generous and I'm not ungrateful in the slightest!!! Just find it so interesting.

Just to say - the meal was a year ago but was thinking about it last night.

And I don’t agree that my use of cunt makes me anti-feminist.

Me neither, as I say so on the thread I linked to. The title is misleading because there are many feminists on there arguing the same.

A few comments about being made to feel guilty if a fellow diner 'only' orders a main and water - why does that make you feel guilty? Some people GENUINELY aren't that hungry you know, even when it's their main meal. I'm not one of them, but I know people who eat light all the time so couldn't physically eat three courses - should they order it anyway for the sake of others? I think it was suggested upthread that in that case they don't attend

Think about it this way: two friends decide to go a fancy restaurant as a celebration. They get there, and one, having looked forward to it and saved up, orders 3 courses and some wine, because it's a destination restaurant, an event. The other one says "I'm not very hungry, I'll have a small pasta and glass of water". Of course they have every right to do that, but how do you think the other one is going to feel? They will feel stupid eating their starter and dessert alone. They will feel greedy (even though they are not) and they will not feel celebratory at all. They will feel let down and disappointed that the promised event was not stuck to.

As I said, you would have every right to do just that...but do you see the issue for the other person?

crumpets yes I can see that point of view, and I think these kinds of situations would become more amplified the less people are there. So, a one to one meal is going to be the most awkward, a works do with 20 people is going to be hardly noticeable.

Still - if I was the big eater I'd just enjoy it and say "I'm really hungry so am going for it!" and if I was the small eater, well it's just how hungry I'd naturally be. In fact, I went for breakfast with my friend a few weeks ago and she was starving but I wasn't. She had a huge cooked breakfast plus pastries etc and I had a croissant and coffee. It was fine, didn't even come up as we were there to chat and enjoy seeing each other.

I think food is linked to emotions a lot, this has come up a few times on here. Eating a lot has been described as joining in, having a generous spirit, fun...and eating light as being tight, boring, miserable.

I think the Boots 3 for 2 gift comment is irrelevant, as is the cinema comparison.

I don't think it is the case that those who are happy to split the bill equally are the heavy eaters/drinkers. I think we just don't care what everyone eats! I couldn't tell you what my friends ordered last time we went out, who went large on a steak etc. I'll quite often order the veggie dish, it never occurs to me that I'm 'subsidising' my 'CF' friends because, you know, we're friends!! I just don't notice. We're all having a nice meal together.

Still - if I was the big eater I'd just enjoy it and say "I'm really hungry so am going for it!

You might, I wouldn't. And if I were the light eater (which I have been ) I would be considerate of my friend and order a starter and then another starter as a main, so we were at least eating at the same time.

like I said all along, its about attitude and not being an arse.

this should IMO be the last, definitive, word on the subject.

ibb.co/jsufJG

I can only ascertain that people who think “I don’t see why someone should pay £10/£20/£30 above what they’ve consumed” is the same as “make sure you don’t get stiffed for 95p” are, at best, a little hard of thinking.

I completely agree with that graphic puffy. Seems perfectly reasonable.

I sometimes do the two starters thing too crumpets, especially if most people are having starters. But it partly depends on what sort of restaurant it is and which items I like off the menu.

Or I sometimes have a starter and a main but, because I will be genuninely full, take a good portion of the main as a doggy bag for lunch the next day. Now, I'm sure there will be someone will a conflicting opinion on the matter of doggy bags, which I'm quite surprised haven't come up so far on this thread.

What about tipping? 10-15% of whole bill or just what you ordered?

Think about it this way: two friends decide to go a fancy restaurant as a celebration. They get there, and one, having looked forward to it and saved up, orders 3 courses and some wine, because it's a destination restaurant, an event. The other one says "I'm not very hungry, I'll have a small pasta and glass of water". Of course they have every right to do that, but how do you think the other one is going to feel?

Maybe I’m the exception but it wouldn’t bother me in the least if someone had more or less than me. I can’t bear it when people say “I’m only having a dessert if someone else is”. Why? If you want one get one, you’re an adult, FFS

Well everyone puts in 10-15% of what they ordered and it should come to 10-15% of the whole bill.

My bill is £9.50 and I put in £11

My friend's bill is £27 and they put in £30

Total bill is £36.5 and there is £41 on the table.

Silly 10%, wether I’m splitting the bill or paying my own. If everyone does 10% of what they are paying it makes no difference does it?

Oh, no! Let's not get started on that. Actually, the individual payers won't be around to see the bill - they've already run off leaving £5.95 (in old pound coins) on the table...

It wouldn't make you feel guilty. That's not even amateur psychology!

It's just a bit weird, sitting there eating a course by yourself. It feels rude. Have you never noticed that when someone might want a pudding, if nobody else does, the first person will nearly always say, oh right never mind?!

Plus I would feel bad for the person sitting there with an empty plate. It detracts from the social element of the whole thing.

I can't bear leftovers so I would never have a doggy bag but I couldn't care less if someone else wants to take their remnants home. Just don't take someone else's. THAT's cringetastic.

(cherry you can't even ascertain 3 divided by 6, or why using part of a woman's anatomy as an insult is demeaning, so you'd best give up your complex analyses, not that you could make much more of a fool of yourself.)

like I said all along, its about attitude and not being an arse.

What?? Where have you got 'being an arse' from just ordering what you feel like eating and can afford? I don't understand this. So you'd modify what you order depending on what the other person has? What if they're waiting for you to do the same?! How is it arsehole behaviour to order whatever you want?!

I've already explained it to you lights, and you said you understood. Clearly not though

Silly 10%, wether I’m splitting the bill or paying my own. If everyone does 10% of what they are paying it makes no difference does it?

No, if I pay 10% of my food cost which was twice what yours cost and you pay 10% of your cost, I am paying twice the tip of you. I am subsidising your tip! You said you were dead against anyone subbing anyone else.....

You might, I wouldn't. And if I were the light eater (which I have been ) I would be considerate of my friend and order a starter and then another starter as a main, so we were at least eating at the same time

With respect, I think this is your issue and no one else’s. I don’t know anyone who’d be obligated to order a starter and a main just to ‘keep up’. It’s a horrible waste of food if nothing else.

MN teaches you a lot. I thought people opened a menu and ordered what they wanted to eat and could afford. I didn’t realise there’s a whole political system around it

It's just a bit weird, sitting there eating a course by yourself. It feels rude

Speak for yourself. If I want a starter I’m having one, if other people think it’s rude that’s their problem

Unless it's been poor service I always tip 15% or round up to a tenner in cash or whatever if that's preferred by the server. I've been a waitress and I've been a bartender so to me tips are important!

No, if I pay 10% of my food cost which was twice what yours cost and you pay 10% of your cost, I am paying twice the tip of you. I am subsidising your tip! You said you were dead against anyone subbing anyone else

Oh dear god really! What happened to sharing 🤔

But if we must split hairs by your standards, If you have £50 of food, and 2 other people have £25 each worth of food, the tip is 10%, you leave £5 they leave £2.50 each. If they’d also had £50 of food then your tip would still be a fiver. It if you want to argue with your friends about £1.67 then go ahead (but are they still the tight cringey ones?)

For me the bottom line is - if you can’t afford what you’ve picked off the menu to consume, the whole price, all courses and drinks added together, plus 10% tip - then order something cheaper. Don’t expect some of the cost to come from others

No, if I pay 10% of my food cost which was twice what yours cost and you pay 10% of your cost, I am paying twice the tip of you

But despite it not making any sense (the tip on a £100 bottle of wine would be 5 x the tip on a bottle of wine for exactly the same level of service) convention dictates that the tip is 10-15% of the amount of the bill. So if your share of the food costs more, your tip costs more.

Your argument would only stack up, if a tip was generally a fixed amount per person.