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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Splitting restaurant bill

974 replies

idontwanttodothisanymore · 06/11/2017 14:37

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

OP posts:

cambodianfoxhound · 09/11/2017 00:47

Way to kill the vibe stone dead, never to be resuscitated again

Totally, if someone said they wanted a separate tab, because they were 'minding their outgoings' at the start of dinner out - I would be calculating how quickly we could order pay and get out of there. Its almost like announcing you are there under sufferance and will endure an austerity meal - either that or a hint that you would like someone else to pay for you. Either way, not fun, not fun at all.

OtterInDisgrace · 09/11/2017 02:18

Christ. I’ve heard it all now. Being poor isn’t fun for other people, mmmkay? Specially not if you want to eat food around them. Just stay indoors and flagellate, whilst you drink your tap water, that’s probably for the best.

OtterInDisgrace · 09/11/2017 02:18

Sorry, that should have said ‘self-flagellate’.

cambodianfoxhound · 09/11/2017 03:29

Otter, it has nothing to do with being poor. I have been poor, I regularly and happily dine and socialise with people who are poor. It just sets the whole event off on a bit of a sour note, I would feel like they didn't really want to be there, that the whole thing would be an ordeal.

Bluntness100 · 09/11/2017 04:01

"Waiter, can we have separate bills please, I'm watching my outgoings this month"

Can’t sleep and this has cheered me up no end. It really should become a mumsnet classic

BadLad · 09/11/2017 04:21

"Waiter, can we have separate bills please, I'm watching my outgoings this month"

This is up there with the advice to snitch to the Dorchester that some of their guests have uninvited you to their wedding.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2961462-AIBU-Disinvited-from-friends-wedding

Bluntness100 · 09/11/2017 05:39

Snitch on her to The Dorchester, I'm sure that they won't be impressed by such behaviour

Just read it, that cheered me up even more

MrsJamin · 09/11/2017 06:40

I just can't believe people who drink think it should be subsidised by those that don't!
If we're out with friends and there's a discrepancy, such as starter or desert or alcohol, then we'll adjust the cost accordingly, eg two couples, bill £120, one had a starter and more alcohol so perhaps it would be split £55/£65. Working it out to the penny seems mean. I'd always want to be fair with friends, especially if I thought they were mindful of food and ££ spent. Never had a problem in estimating a split like that.

Rebeccaslicker · 09/11/2017 08:14

Jamin I think everyone has said if there's an obvious discrepancy, say bottles of wine rather than a glass, people will point out that the non drinker should chuck in less. That's v different to just paying for what everyone had which is the bum clenching bit.

Here's an example. This is a restaurant i go to regularly with 3 old school friends (it's brilliant if anyone lives near it or the battersea one!). 3 of us are pregnant and 1 drives so no booze. You get maybe 3 plates each.

Here's the thing though - I'm veggie, and you can see the expensive dishes are the meat and fish ones. Plus if you order 3 veggie dishes, everyone likes them - so you end up with a bit of 3 dishes whilst the meat and fish eaters get a bit of 12 dishes each.

I would still cringe horrendously at saying, "oh I only ordered the cheap ones and you lot ordered the more expensive stuff". Wouldn't everyone? But it seems from this thread perhaps not

www.littlebirdrestaurants.com/menus

LadyinCement · 09/11/2017 09:07

Tapas must be the depths of hell to bill splitters. How on earth do you monitor who has eaten what? They must leave a tapas meal with terrible indigestion.

Also this non-drinking business. If I have a small glass of wine, it is definitely not more expensive than someone else's two cokes or hand-squashed cloudy-apple presse.

The thing is with this subject I think the lines are drawn and no one is going to cross to the other side. Some people think it's outrageous to pay tuppence more than they feel they owe, and others think that it is cringeworthy to divvy up the bill (unless there is a major discrepancy).

I like the point upthread where a poster asks if OP and her ilk get worked up about unequal Christmas presents - ie that set of body products came in a 3-4-2, therefore they spent £2 less on me than I did on them. And what about when some people have three dcs and you have two? Oh, the vapours .

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/11/2017 09:13

I regularly and happily dine and socialise with people who are poor

Jesus, is that you?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/11/2017 09:18

Lady?RTFT many people explained that giving presents is not the same as eating out, you’re comparing apples with oranges

McTufty · 09/11/2017 09:19

@cherrychasingdotmuncher

KERALA1 · 09/11/2017 09:25

Maybe we should all consider what Jesus would do in such circumstances? Would He be a bill splitter or a pay your own kind of guy? Would he order the lobster and expect the disciples to pick up the tab even though they only had bread and wine?

Well I think this thread is quite funny so well done .

Rebeccaslicker · 09/11/2017 09:26

YOU claimed that, cherry. I can see why you might think you are many people though...!

It is the same point. It's all about whether you're happy to spend money on social stuff or whether you limit it.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/11/2017 09:34

Oh dear lord here we go again.

I wasn’t the only one who said it.

It’s not the same, because what you spend on other people’s presents depends on your budget, not theirs. I’m sure everyone appreciates your attempts to make them look like tightwads, but really no one gets upset if others spend less money on their presents than they do on theirs. HTH.

Once again - it defies logic to say that people who don’t pay the minimum for what they consumed are the fun, generous ones, and the people who do pay the minimum for what they consume are ‘tight as a ducks arse’ as someone so eloquently put earlier. Totally baffling!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/11/2017 09:35

I agree KERALA this thread has given me plenty of laughs over the last few days

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 09/11/2017 09:35

Christ I hope you don't argue about your restaurant bills for this long!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/11/2017 09:36

Because sitting in a restaurant is the same as dipping into a thread as and when you have the time 🙄

Rebeccaslicker · 09/11/2017 09:37

Well, I can certainly see why it baffles you. As you have clearly misunderstood most of it throughout the posts in the back half of the thread!

And you can't say "no one does this" with presents. You can only say YOU don't do that. Based on your posts though, it seems unlikely!

BatShite · 09/11/2017 09:37

It just sets the whole event off on a bit of a sour note, I would feel like they didn't really want to be there, that the whole thing would be an ordeal.

See I would think the total opposite in that situation. I don't see how someone still coming to an event but making sure they can afford to pay, means they don't want to be there at all

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/11/2017 09:39

Well, I can certainly see why it baffles you. As you have clearly misunderstood most of it throughout the posts in the back half of the thread!

What about it is wrong then?

And you can't say "no one does this" with presents. You can only say YOU don't do that. Based on your posts though, it seems unlikely!

Seriously, the attempts to make me look like a tightwad (hate to break it to you, but I’m not) is embarrassing please stop.

Rebeccaslicker · 09/11/2017 09:47

Pssst. It's not me who's making you look tight.

As has been explained on hundreds of occasions above - it's all about socialising with friends and priorities. Some people's priorities are atmosphere and sharing and relaxing. Money doesn't really come into the equation as a factor. Others' priorities are only paying what they perceive as their fair share on such occasions.

Delatron · 09/11/2017 09:48

Off topic but I really want a hot buttered crumpet now....

FinallyHere · 09/11/2017 09:53

Reading your posts, Rebecca restores my faith in, well, the majority of the human race, that they are essentially generous and enjoy sharing.

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