Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

- it's all about socialising with friends and priorities. Some people's priorities are atmosphere and sharing and relaxing. Money doesn't really come into the equation as a factor

Yes, funnily enough those who pay for their own manage to have all his with the added bonus of considering that money may be a factor with other people who are consuming less than them.

You carry on splitting the bill and I’ll carry on making sure my friends don’t subsidise my food. Tight bastard that I am!

Sure thing. I'm sure making sure THEY don't pay extra to subsidise YOU is totally your priority. You've convinced me, yessirree

So according to this thread, it's joyless to go out for a meal with someone if they only have a main meal and a drink. But then at the same time people say they like to order whatever they want and not keep track.
Either you do notice what people order, or you don't. Which one is it?

I would enjoy a meal out with my friends regardless of what they ordered or how they paid.
If a friend would rather you to stay at home than come out on a budget then they are not a true friend. This thought would have never even crossed my mind!

Oh noooooo someone on the Internet doesn’t believe me

What rebecca can I pretty pwease do to convince you?!!!

FWIW, I’m totally convinced that you’re not out to get a cheaper meal courtesy of your mates by ordering loads and that you’re not a nasty judgemental cunt. Really.

This thread also restored my faith...in people who don’t believe having a salad and water are out to spoil my fun with their mean-ness. Who the fuck looks at what a friend orders and thinks “oh this is about ME, this is NOT FUN FOOD! How dare they spoil my meal by being poor”

Money doesn't really come into the equation as a factor. Others' priorities are only paying what they perceive as their fair share on such occasions

Well that's all well and good for those who can afford to think like that. Whilst you're enjoying socialising with your friends, have a thought that sometimes people might only be able to afford to be there if they can control costs.

They can afford to spend a tenner on a pizza and water but if they get steamrollered into putting in an even split of three courses and wine, which would be more like £30, that's £20 less they have for everything else, which might lead them getting into debt to pay essentials, or having to live on beans on toast for the next fortnight.

If you are fortunate enough to have never been in such a position where you don't have to look at prices, or think about how much you can spend, at least have some compassion for those who do have to.

I would enjoy a meal out with my friends regardless of what they ordered or how they paid.
If a friend would rather you to stay at home than come out on a budget then they are not a true friend. This thought would have never even crossed my mind!

Exactly! I’d rather have good company who order toast and water than friends who stay at home because they can’t afford what I can afford. Some people on this thread sound like they’d be awful friends! If people are basing a good night on what other’s order for food and drink, they must be very boring people indeed.

So according to this thread, it's joyless to go out for a meal with someone if they only have a main meal and a drink

No.

why are people so confused? Do you not understand about appropriate behaviour? If you are going for a bite to eat with friends, a main and a drink are appropriate. If you are going to an event type dinner, a three course and wine affair, and you have only a main and a glass of water, that is bordering on inappropriate. Because you aren't joining in the planned activity, it's like going to a movie with friends but starting to read a book half way through. But you can still perhaps do that if you do it with some grace.
But ordering a main and a water while the others have the expected 3 courses with wine AND then making a fuss about the bill and bleating about them "scoffing steaks and drinking too much" is joyless, mean spirited and just awful.

It's all about attitude and appropriateness. Sometimes you split the bill ,sometimes you don't. Sometimes its ok to order light, sometimes it isn't. Just act like a normal, friendly grown up and it's really not hard at all.

To be honest cherry, I think your whole “I regularly dine with poor people so pay my own so they aren’t subsidising me” is fairly obnoxious.

I think for most people, (other than yourself and your “poor” friends), who pay their own tend, they to order and consume significantly less than the people they socialise with as they are on a budget the people they socialise with aren’t, so tend to they order and consume more. It’s fair enough they would then pay their own bill.

Sorry cherry the poor people comment wasn’t you, you just quoted it..

There are some tight people on this thread but it is a funny read!

I think most people knock a bit off when they're dividing the bill If someone is pregnant/driving and hasn't drunk much but adding up to the penny is just cringey-I bet the people who do that are also the ones who think it's fine to leave no tip!

"Waiter I'm watching my outgoings this month"😂😂😂 too funny!

Hotbutteredcrumpets you are describing a different scenario to what most people are talking about.

Really cherry. You think it's appropriate for a woman to call another woman - or indeed anyone - that word?

I can't help it if the truth hurts. You keep on convincing yourself that you're the generous one by embarrassing your friends with your penny pinching. We'll carry on laughing at your delusions.

But Barbara, why does that have to be the choice? It's not a choice between the savoy and staying home. Just pick a budget friendly place and everyone's happy. It can feel really awkward when someone says they just want tap water and a small dish - it makes everyone else feel bad about wanting a starter or wine. Whereas if you go somewhere budget friendly, everyone's a winner!

Quite, hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea . It is about acting appropriately.

I arranged to go out to lunch with someone I hadn't seen for a long time. We mutually agreed a gastropub-type place. Upon arriving old friend had already asked for water and then ordered soup. Now, maybe she had fallen on hard times (methinks very much not) or maybe she just didn't want to spend the money/time on a lunch, but I was a bit hurt. Of course I ordered soup too and the lunch was over in half an hour. You know what? I insisted on picking up the tab. The OP would lurrrve me because I'd had a spritzer which really pushed the boundaries equality-wise.

The Dorchester thread that was linked. Amazing

It can feel really awkward when someone says they just want tap water and a small dish - it makes everyone else feel bad about wanting a starter or wine.

Does it? I don't see what one person in a group orders as being any of my business tbh. If I was out in a group and someone didn't order a starter or a desert, it would not stop me doing so? Or make me feel awkward either. If I did think any deeper into their food choices (which I really wouldn't as..why would I?!) I would likely come to the conclusion that they were either on a diet, not very hungry, or a bit skint. But that they still wanted to come out to socialize.

I guess one thing this thread has done for me is show me quite how differently some people think.

There are a lot of people who seem to want to order a lot of food and think others should do the same when they don't want to, to avoid making the several course people 'feel awkward'.

I like good pizza, really like good pizza, so have it a lot. Pizza happens to be inexpensive, but that's beside the point here, honestly.

But it's also quite filling, so if I am having a pizza, I would almost never have anything else at the same time. I don't want any more food, so don't have a starter and don't have a dessert.

Obviously pizza is served at Italian restaurants that often do fish and meat dishes as well. So if I am dining with people who have a starter, meat or fish main and dessert, that could easily be £25, whereas my pizza will be less than half that.

Should I still expect to split equally because someone things it is cringy, awkward or too difficult to add up 5 + 15 +5? Or should I order a starter and dessert that I can't eat and don't want, to stop my 3 courses companion feel awkward? Why does their preference trump mine?

I would, in your position, Barbara. I would hate to be the person who always piped up, "oh but I only had a water and a pizza, here's my tenner."

In reality, most people who go for pizza only have pizza because as you say it's really filling. If it happened regularly that I was having pizza and my friends were having lots of other things, i would simply change the venue or the activity if it annoyed me. There's no way a good friend wouldn't understand wanting to go/do something different!

Do you not understand about appropriate behaviour? If you are going for a bite to eat with friends, a main and a drink are appropriate. If you are going to an event type dinner, a three course and wine affair, and you have only a main and a glass of water, that is bordering on inappropriate

I completely disagree. Surely people should just eat what they want and can stomach?

Also, who decides the rules? Maybe it’s ‘rude’ to over-order? This bizarre definition of appropriateness just crates too many blurred lines. Just order what you want to eat/drink FFS.

Because you aren't joining in the planned activity, it's like going to a movie with friends but starting to read a book half way through

No, the equivalent of doing this during a meal would be to sit on your phone all night and not join in conversation (which would be very rude), not order less food than others.

* "Waiter I'm watching my outgoings this month"😂😂😂 too funny!*

This is still making me laugh! TBF in my student days I was a waitress and some diners do think you’re there to hear their boring life stories, so something like this wouldn’t surprise me. I do recall one set of vair posh diners (i worked in a ‘naice’ restaurant) being very ‘server! No expenses spared tonight, take my black Amex, champagne for all and keep it flowing’, posturing to his mates, and then throwing a shit fit when his bill came to £600’

Really cherry. You think it's appropriate for a woman to call another woman - or indeed anyone - that word?

Well if the shoe fits. But like you say, the truth hurts.

I can't help it if the truth hurts. You keep on convincing yourself that you're the generous one by embarrassing your friends with your penny pinching. We'll carry on laughing at your delusions

Honestly, you are embarrassing yourself trying to insist I behave X way when I’ve repeatedly stated throughout I haven’t. But if it makes you feel better to believe that I have a salad (gross) and tap water (double gross) then you carry on my dear.

It can feel really awkward when someone says they just want tap water and a small dish - it makes everyone else feel bad about wanting a starter or wine

see this is why in some cases it’s better to pay for your own, no guilt about splurging.

Seriously people if you can’t afford to pay for the price of 3 courses and drink without someone else subsidising, don’t get them. Heed your own advice!

Lady maybe she just wanted soup and water?

Imagine being so self centered that you think what someone else orders at a restaurant is about you

I prefer to split equally unless I’ve had more in which case I offer to pay more, but no issue with people who want to pay their own.

Just a different perspective is when I’m with people who I know split equally (which is most people I go for dinner with), I often order something cheaper than what I actually want eg if everyone else is having pasta at £14, I don’t want to order the steak at £25 pounds even if it’s what I want because I don’t want them to sub me, even though I’m our group no one really minds. I just feel embarrassed to order something more expensive so I don’t!

That last comment wasn’t specifically to Lady BTW but the posters on here who sulk if someone orders less than them

Rebecca Me having pizza while others have steak and pudding doesn't annoy me at all, why would it?

And why shouldn't we go to the nice Italian that we all like? They do a range of food that different people like.

I can cook steak at home in 5 minutes with zero effort so wouldn't order that in a restaurant anyway. Good pizza is a lot more effort, even with a breadmaker, and that is one thing that restaurants often do better than home cooks.

I just don't think I should not have my pizza because someone else prefers steak and dessert and they 'feel awkward' if I don't have the same as them. And obviously if their choices are significantly more expensive then they should pay roughly what their's cost.

In reality, most people who go for pizza only have pizza because as you say it's really filling.

Or maybe because they actually like pizza?

I’m laughing at all these alleged ulterior motives for ordering food 😂

But ordering a main and a water while the others have the expected 3 courses with wine AND then making a fuss about the bill and bleating about them "scoffing steaks and drinking too much" is joyless, mean spirited and just awful

So effectively this would mean that my relative would never be able to go out for a meal with friends because they always have a 3 course meal with multiple bottles of wine and she only ever wants 2 courses and no alcohol at most.

Goodness MN is the gift that keeps giving in terms of the intolerant views of people.

The alternative of course is that you enjoy the person's company, don't want to exploit them financially and eat and drink what you want do (and pay for it) while accepting their need to eat and drink less.