Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

pengymum Mon 06-Nov-17 15:59:21
This is such a British thing! On the Continent it’s so simple: you tell the waiter you’re paying separately or together and they take care of it. Everyone knows that they will have to pay for what they order so don’t take the P. Simple. Why all the angst over here? Don’t need any massive discussion, just tell the waiting staff before you order. Doing it after causes them a bit of hassle as people may have ordered bottles/jugs of drinks but if it’s done at the beginning they can sort, at time of ordering, which bill to allocate it to. Nothing miserable about paying for yourself.
If you invite someone out, you pay. If they invite you, they pay. Just be clear at the start. Otherwise you pay your own

Completely AGREE with this. Although I can see a problem in that many posters on MN think they are Hosts when they're nothing of the sort so might need to brush up on the 'Rules of Invitation'.

Nah that's fine, witch. You stick to being the one who can't bear the thought of Sally having an extra sangria on you and counting out all your pennies and the ones who like to share will carry on doing exactly that.

Some of these stories sound like going into court not a restaurant.

Indeed!

If it was clear that one couple or one person had had noticeably less than everyone else - the group would instinctively raise this - 'John you just chuck in 20 you weren't drinking'. John would probably protest that it didn't matter, the group would insist he pay less. No dramas!

This is how adults should (and do) do things!!

Some of you may as well all go out for your own meals & then meet up in the park afterwards to drink your tinnies!!

Rebeccaslicker, chortle away to yourself all you like it just makes you look silly.

I usually just pay the bill when I go out, or my friends do. No fuss, no drama but I would NOT tolerate this kind of supercilious attitude in a friend who would look down on somebody for what they've ordered. Nor would I have friends who take the piss as some on here clearly do.

Nah, you are quite funny. I think its the self righteous frothing, so amusing.

Ordering one course and water is being “a spectre at the feast”?! Rubbish.

Many people simply can’t afford three course meals and booze, for themselves or to subsidise others. Or they might be on a diet, dislike the pub / restaurant soft drink selections. Should they just stay in?

IME at large group meals the people who drink the most booze often don’t put in enough money to cover it, annoying those not drinking as much or not drinking alcohol at all. Those people also rarely offer to help work out the bill so the person who does has a dilemma.

Ah so now you've gone from splitting hairs and pennies to paying the whole lot? Sure, I'm convinced

Now I'm laughing at you Rebeccaslickers because your assumptions are wrong.

This bit's not directed at you but It's risible that some posters here are so insulting towards other posters who actually want to pay for what they've ordered. You know, the whole amount of what they've had. What do you say about their fellow diners who will not even pay their MINIMUM bill because they expect somebody else to pick it up?

These threads always generate an incredible number of posts because it's a hot topic. If people weren't so entitled and mean themselves, it wouldn't be because nobody would be hard done by.

OP, you are NOT being unreasonable. Just in case that's got lost in the braying, bragging and downright bitchiness of some.

Rebeccalicker, I don't care because I don't need to convince you. I don't believe most of the posts on here. :)

That's ok, you care so little about convincing me that you keep posting at me :)

Bottom line - most people are adults who can be trusted to be fair. If your friends aren't like that, take a look at them.

Or yourself.

Some of the language on this thread is ridiculous. People falling over themselves to describe paying for your own meal as ‘joyless’, for Christ’s sake. Does anyone really get ‘joy’ from going for dinner and splitting the bill? I even saw someone talk about ‘the sheer awfulness’ of watching people calculate their share. God only knows how they’d react if something genuinely awful ever happened to them.

*That's ok, you care so little about convincing me that you keep posting at me smile

Bottom line - most people are adults who can be trusted to be fair. If your friends aren't like that, take a look at them.

Or yourself.*

Totally agree, the only thing i would worry about my friends/family, is that they were giving too much, extending themselves too far in the generosity of others. We watch out for each other - if someone is struggling either financially or otherwise - we would rally around and insist on paying for them as a treat. Would never occur to me to think they were trying to rip me off.

Does anyone really get ‘joy’ from going for dinner and splitting the bill?

Yes, we do get joy from sharing meals with people we like, and not arguing about money.
Some of you fun suckers might want to try it.

Agreed lyingwitch

Yes us too hot

We are going out with friends on sat night for a meal - cannot imagine whipping out my phone "well sarah your starter was £2.50 more than my pudding" "you drank two thirds of the bottle we only drank one third" it would be mortifying!

The two tribes will never agree on this one!

Some of you fun suckers might want to try it.

I might have known you would peddle tripe like this in response. Every one of your posts on this thread has been patronising and pretentious.

I guess you would see it that way. I mean when people call their actual friends and family such awful names, they are bound to be negative about strangers, aren't they?
I feel more sorry for you than anything though. Imagine having to live with such an attitude problem?

If you were in tribe misery hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea you would have to change your name to colddrybreadandtapwater

You look down on and make digs at people who have to work to a budget and I’m the one with an attitude problem? Christ.

'Debbie Downer walks in and states - i will be ordering a glass of tap water and a piece of toast so want a separate tab. Doesn't set the stage for a wonderfully relaxed and vibrant evening does it?'

Pretty much.

No I don't. I AM one of the people who have to work to a budget. A small one. Like I've said, its not about money, it's about attitude.

Guess you missed that in your frothing.

That's actually just obscenely cheap. A meal for five pounds? Not only does that have to be the worst quality possible, what on earth can you be eating for that money, and how many people had to be underpaid and exploited for you to get such cheap food?

Thats how thye hook you in, cheap food, loss leader, and you pay through the nose for alcohol.

I have a decent disposable income, I can afford to eat out regularly, I am acutely aware that I am lucky and that some of my friends are not in the same privileged position. I will try and choose a restaurant that accommodates the budget of the friends I am dining with so they can have a stress free meal without feeling the need to skip courses or stay off the booze due to cost. I imagine I am also like most people insofar that if items I have ordered big ticket items I will offer to add more to the final bill.

That said if everyone around the table is not struggling financially and everyone has more or less ordered similar value items I have to confess to cringing when someone starts quibbling over a fiver or my biggest nightmare asking to see the menus again to work out costs. That's just being tight and mean spirited. If you hanging out with the same people for long enough everything balances out over time.

I'm quite surprised that people seem so feel so strongly about splitting one way or the other. If I am with good friends, I don't mind splitting the bill but can't see a problem with people just paying for their own food either. If someone hasn't had much to eat and they don't earn a lot why should they pay for someone else to have a starter, main course, several drinks etc. If I am with colleagues that I'm not particularly friendly with I really wouldn't want to split. If at a pub, we usually order an pay for food at the bar individually to get around this. If at a restaurant, we order and someone tells the restaurant what we would like and collects money for food in advance.

'Debbie Downer walks in and states - i will be ordering a glass of tap water and a piece of toast so want a separate tab. Doesn't set the stage for a wonderfully relaxed and vibrant evening does it?'

Spot on.