Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

I don't think YABU to be annoyed but it's too late to ask them for the tenner back. For me, if I am eating something without sharing, I would ask to pay for what I ordered. I'd also insist that for my friends if they ordered less as some are quite shy about it. If we are sharing several dishes, we would just split the bill.

Exactly, it's not high rollers, it's everyone. Everyone has the same mentality, and it's part of what makes nights out so enjoyable - just the general spirit of generosity, and wanting everyone to enjoy themselves.

I do wonder how the adamant 'pay for what I order' crowd feel about shared dishes, do you get anxious when the group decides to share all dishes? What if you don't eat part of one of the shared dishes? Do you deduct a percentage? Its all fascinating.

And in my experience, it is very rarely the case that the ones who order expensive dishes and lots of wine etc. are doing this to free load off others. I have only encountered this on an exceptional basis and have found that type of person generally has a wide known reputation for this (because people notice this and this type of behaviour usually extends across the board). Mostly people order what they want, they are happy to treat themselves and happy to treat others alike - the act of sharing and celebration and friends and generosity is more important that 'did i get what i paid for'.

It's funny about sharing food as there's an episode of Gavin & Stacey where Ness & Smithy order something different, others want to have a try, they both say if you wanted some you should have ordered some.

But I'm possibly the opposite where I never finish anything so it's open house take what you want. If you're trying a different cuisine, it's nice to be able to say oh I tried this.

If you're going to go somewhere like Prezzo, I would budget £20 a head as it's not cheap. If money is tight, why not suggest a chain pub that does 2 meals for £10. That way you pretty much have an idea all in £20 should cover it.

It is odd that money be an issue but it's only bought up at the end. It ruins the whole night. You need to go in knowing what's what. It doesn't matter if they paid with gift / reward vouchers or coppers, they paid £40 off the bill.

If on a budget if the chain pub idea doesn't suit, how about a dinner party, guests usually bring a bottle, you cook something you can afford.

Hahahaha yep I bet you can calculate what you've had "in seconds" if you're THAT type of friend. You probably memorised every price on the menu upon sitting down.

It's not about the mental arithmetic though, is it?

Personally I don't see it as getting "ripped off" or "subsidising". That's such an odd attitude to have to your friends. I see it as sharing. With my friends. Whom I like.

Are most Irish people quite wealthy? I've only been a couple of times and prices in shops and restaurants seem to be a similar price to the uk, depending on the exchange rate (it looks quite expensive at the moment but I went to Dublin when we got nearly 1.5 euro to the pound and then it seemed slightly cheaper than cities in the UK).

But comments on this thread and any wedding thread where it's sometimes said that in Ireland people give hundreds of euros as wedding presents and all drinks for guests are paid for by the hosts. That would be unaffordable to all but the richest in the UK.

It's not a case of 'memorising every price on the menu' FFS, it's simply having an awareness that a pizza and tap water costs significantly less than a starter, steak and wine.

Why should the person on a small budget have pizza and tap water but pay for starters, steak and wine? That is the issue here.

Irish people aren't any more or less wealthy than anyone else - it's a fundamental cultural difference of generosity, sharing and giving.

It's marked and noticeable, and once you've experienced it, watching people haggling over pounds and pence, not willing to spring even a few pennies for someone else's (part of) drink or meal just looks so, so miserable. And yes, cringey.

As I said upthread, Irish people fight to pay, not to get out of paying, or paying literally only for themselves. Never mind splitting he bill - DH would rather shout the entire table just to end the awfulness of people sitting around toting up individual amounts.

Not being generous (or short arms, deep pockets) is a fate worse than death in Ireland. And it's not just money - food, time, anything.

In my experience people in England similarly are keen to pay and offer to get the round or pay more than their ‘fair share’ in at the end of the night, or pay for the taxi etc. However, that might just be my social circle.

However, it can go too far.... people can be over-generous where it becomes almost a competition to show how freely you can throw away your money, and for the sake of a good night and showing everyone what a great person you are, you and your family end up in poverty for the rest of the month.

British people are as a nation are quite tight and ungenerous I think- when you look at the generosity generally found in places like Ireland, US, South Africa etc. Here people frequently resent every single thing others get out of them (all generalisations obv)

I think as a MINIMUM you should be expecting to cover your own meal/drinks and that amount of money is accounted for and non-negotiable. That way even if you do order steak and lobster other people aren't subsidising you.

I don't like the sneery "if you can't afford £9 then you really can't afford to eat out". Yes, you can. Pay what you owe and you'll never be wrong. I cringe at the posters who talk of their "DH goes to pay", DH this and DH that. Either the money is joint in which case you're paying for yourself anyway or you're making a point that you've been paid for and sound like a knob when somebody tells you that an extra amount of money to find is tough for them. Just stop it.

Only CFs themselves say that kind of thing and they're facilitating the overbearing 'split bill demanders'. If everybody put aside the money for EXACTLY what they've consumed then nobody would ever be in this situation and might want to split the bill if they're not being strong-armed into it.

... and tips are subjective. Pay what you want to pay - if the service was wonderful for you then tip accordingly - and let others do the same from their own perspective without hovering over them like some kind of belligerent 'tip monitor'.

So the message from some people here about people who want to just pay for their own food is people on a budget are "tight misers" who shouldn't eat out in the first place if they can't afford it. Yet people can afford it - to pay for their own so why should they miss out on eating out if they want to? The point is they can't afford to subsidise other people's more expensive choices.

But I have never once met an 'overbearing split bill demander' - who are these people? Pretty much every meal I been to, the bill comes, someone will pick it up and either (a) insist on paying, whilst others try and snatch it out of their hands protesting, insisting it is split or (b) will just roughly work out how much per person. Everyone chucks in cash/cards no drama. If it was clear that one couple or one person had had noticeably less than everyone else - the group would instinctively raise this - 'John you just chuck in 20 you weren't drinking'. John would probably protest that it didn't matter, the group would insist he pay less. No dramas! Some of these stories sound like going into court not a restaurant.

Bubblebubblepop
No one is saying it's wrong to go out and have the cheapest main meal and a glass of tap water. What is wrong is then insisting you are only paying for that and making everyone else calculate exactly what they've had - miserable!

Blimey... if being required to mentally add up anywhere between 2-5 simple figures together in your head is beyond you then perhaps you should stay at home. It's not exactly University Challenge, is it?

Irish people aren't any more or less wealthy than anyone else - it's a fundamental cultural difference of generosity, sharing and giving

Indeed. The entire country would commit mass suicide rather than deal with some of the people on this thread. The evident meanness of spirit is quite something to see.

If you're going to go somewhere like Prezzo, I would budget £20 a head as it's not cheap

That is startlingly cheap.

If money is tight, why not suggest a chain pub that does 2 meals for £10

That's actually just obscenely cheap. A meal for five pounds? Not only does that have to be the worst quality possible, what on earth can you be eating for that money, and how many people had to be underpaid and exploited for you to get such cheap food?

It's odd that in a country that pays so little for food that so many are still so mean about it.

12hrsoff
Yes I realise she had the receipt, but people like that are always on edge when out for dinner and watching the others like a hawk. All drinks are clocked, etc.

... and if CF people didn't expect to be subsidised and would have AT LEAST the amount of money needed for what they've consumed then people like the OP wouldn't need to feel awkward or have to clock what anybody else is eating/drinking.

There are some very silly attitudes out there and I'm not talking about the OP. I would never comment on how little somebody else has eaten. That's really crass. Just because some people like to over-order doesn't mean they are an example of how.it.should.be.

hotbutteredcrumpet, not really any of your business, is it? What a pretentious and snobbish post.

It's not that adding up what you've had is difficult - obviously not - but it does often had a sour note to the end of the evening if, just when the bill arrives, someone annnounces they're only paying for what they had, whips out their phone and starts doing calculations. Fortunately, with the two groups with whom I most regularly have meals, all this is sorted before we go; the restaurant is chosen with budgets in mind and we all know that we'll be paying our bit.

Debbie Downer walks in and states - i will be ordering a glass of tap water and a piece of toast so want a separate tab. Doesn't set the stage for a wonderfully relaxed and vibrant evening does it?

In my experience, people always try and pay for the whole meal or, if dividing the bill for a larger group, everyone over-pays because to do anything else is embarrassing and ridiculous. I have never come across some of the attitudes on this thread. I dont think it has anything to do with disposable income either - it's more about attitude. I would rather not go out, than be niggling over what was my part of the bill.

hotbutteredcrumpet, not really any of your business, is it? What a pretentious and snobbish post

It's not really anyones business, but here we are on AIBU. Is there any reason it is any less my business than anyone else?

And its not pretentious or snobbish to talk about the reality of too cheap food. Not my fault if if makes you feel guilty and lash out.

These debates are fascinating. Never the twain shall meet.

I think most of us should just take heart that for the most part, we get to socialise with like-minded friends and kindred spirits. And the evening is a relaxed laugh.

Wonder what the other friends really think of the one who just orders tap water and one course every time. talk about a spectre at the feast!

Can't stop laughing at the posters who think it's a matter of maths rather than manners. Anyone who sees themselves as "subsidising" their friends has a seriously odd approach to friendship.