Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

I've had no money and I've had money. And since having money I would say I have paid more than my share more times than not, for example - when the bill doesnt quite add up so you put in extra to avoid a lenghty, drawn out debate. Sometimes it has rankled but I just put it down to one of the things you have to suck up when you go for those kind of meals. One thing I cannot bear is picky bill scrutiny.

£10 is not quite in the taking the piss zone so YABU to be so upset about it. I now realize there are two camps: people who count pennies and mind splitting the bills, and people who just enjoy the outing without counting pennis. I know which group I'd rather socialize with.

Am laughing at the idea that any of the tight misers would be involved in a drinks round they'd probably kneel over

Am laughing at the idea that any of the tight misers would be involved in a drinks round grin they'd probably kneel over their tap water

When I’m out people generally round up their share when putting money in, and we end up with too much! I can’t imagine having three courses and plenty of drink, and then being so socially inept that I’d expect to pay the same as someone else who had one course and tap water!

I can’t imagine having three courses and plenty of drink, and then being so socially inept that I’d expect to pay the same as someone else who had one course and tap water!

Some people would do this though, that much is clear. And they think anyone who doesn't want to split the bill is tight-fisted and mean and miserable.

Some friends eh?

As a few people have said, it's the ones who have a large amount, and expect people who have smaller amounts to subsidise them who are the tight ones. Not to mention first-rate cheeky fuckers!

As a few others have said, go out, eat lots, drink lots, have a great time & don't spoil it by being a po faced mizzog at bill paying time - it's not a good look!

I am loving the assumption that those who are happy to split are "cheeky fuckers". Way to justify being tighter than a duck's arse!

What about this is hard to understand? - It's not about being tight and miserable, it's about being on a low income and having a set budget.

You can have a separate bill and still enjoy an evening out you know When I eat out I don't sit their hunched over glaring at what people eat and get a calculator out at the end. I literally just have an amount I can afford, sometimes it's £20, sometimes £40, at times it's been £100. Some of the bad times it's been a tenner but I've still gone and had the cheapest on the menu because to me, relationships and quality time are more important.

I don't think people who like splitting the bill are greedy/cheeky fuckers at all, so why is anyone who only wants to pay for their own food being called names? As I said before, if I had the money I'd want to treat people not get out of paying my share.

We're not all tight, just broke.

Another example here for you.
Tapas night out where one end of the table had two items per person and the other end had three items. Of course stuff was shared and in fact calls of “pass us the stuffed vine leaves” or whatever were heard from 2 tapas ordering end. They tucked into all dishes as did the other end. But when the bill came and people put cash in we were very short. I questioned it and got “well I’ve paid for two as I ordered two” , one person went home and the bill ended up costing 2 people (I was one) and extra £10 each to subsidise those who ate it all happily but insisted on only paying what they ordered. A bill split here was totally fair but not done whereas a bill split with steak munching freeloaders paying £12 for their £20 steak and pasta eating poor people paying £12 for £7 pasta wasn’t so good. £60 toaster made me wince but the candle would hel! That said my friends wouldn’t make me pay £60 for a toastie!!

Genuine question- why is calculating a bill ‘cringey’?

I eat out with friends and we usually pay for our own. I’ll scan the bill - see for example a starter at 4.20, main at 9.50 and 2 x drinks at £2.50 each. I round it up and think 5+10+5 = £20 plus 10% tip so £22. I’m perplexed as to why someone would cringe at that.

Actually I’m perplexed by this whole thread - that people think not having the maximum number of courses is being rude or not joining in? What if someone just wants one course because that’s what their appetite just is. Should they order 2 extra courses to avoid looking mean?

Also, how did you all acquire your psychic powers please? You all say “if you can’t afford to split the bill don’t eat out” - how do you know how much other people are going to eat? Unless they tell you beforehand, which would be REALLY weird! Is that what you all do?

I can’t imagine having three courses and plenty of drink, and then being so socially inept that I’d expect to pay the same as someone else who had one course and tap water!

In that situation, it usually ends up with someone saying “Oh, Marge, you hardly had anything.” Marge then says she doesn’t mind - but it’s generally agreed that she just puts in a tenner.

Genuine question- why is calculating a bill ‘cringey’?”

It goes against the notion that you are sharing a meal with friends, I think. You share the meal, you share the bill. The calculation is rather transactional.

It just looks cringey to me. People each working out their share - looking as if they can't bear it if their friends got something more than they did - just no. To me, the polite thing to do is to split it but take note if someone would get royally shafted and point it out so they don't have to. Otherwise it's awkward for them when everyone else is splitting it!

Rebecca, your arithmetic must be really shit? I can tot up my rough share of the bill in seconds in my head. There is no cringing and 'bearing' someone having more. In fact, if you've looked at the menu beforehand, you have an idea of what you owe, then just add on a tip.

It is cringey. It really is. But as I said upthread there are two camps on this who will never agree. The norm in every group I've ever been in is to split - broadly adjusting for big discrepancies. Most people's orders are similar and pretty much even out, not worth tallying up who had what for say £10 discrepancy.

People each working out their share - looking as if they can't bear it if their friends got something more than they did - just no.

They could equally be working out their share, as they didn't want friends to subsidize their expensive tastes when the rest had similar amount.

I expect this is rarer, especially given attitudes in this thread but I actually have a friend who does this at times. When she realizes that others have had a lot less expensive stuff than her. Like, before the orders she won't know that others are going to plump for pasta dishes, and she doesn't fancy anything cheap so will go for fillet steak. Then will work out her cost then let the others split between them if they want to.

I think it's quite hard to keep track of what you've spent over a meal - I wouldn't remember by 10pm how much my 8pm drink Cost! I trust my friends not to rip me off and we'd adjust shares of the bill accordingly if we'd had very differently priced meals.

In this case, I think it wasn't a massive discrepancy but the fact they didn't share the voucher would rankle with me a bit. It's just learning to be more assertive next time and suggest a slightly more fair split.

I’ve split bills and I have also paid my own. On nights where we pay our own some people use calculators on their phone because they’re crap at adding up (not me like a PP I can do mine in seconds). It has never once felt cringey. These people are my friends, I want them to do what’s right for them. I’d think they were extremely judgemental if they scrutinised the way people look at a bill.

I’ll tell you what is cringey - having to stop cheeky fuckers in their tracks when they suggest that everyone puts in £45 when actually one person only had a coke and £8 pasta and everyone else had 3 courses and wine.

Can someone explain why wanting to pay for what you ate and drank is being “as tight as a ducks arse”?

Also the the “if you can’t afford it then don’t come” - some people budget very well but still could get ripped off.

I eat out with friends, family or colleagues probably once a month. Unless it’s a naice restaurant, What I usually do is go to the cash machine, take out £40 then pop into the shop and buy mints. This is so I have change for the night and so I have lovely fresh breath afterwards anyway, my budget is around £39 for me. Which I think is a very good budget knowing that I’ll provably order 2 courses (or maybe even split a starter) and I very rarely drink so I’ll have probably 2 soft drinks (usually go to places that main courses are £10ish, Italian restaurants at happy hour etc). So I take a good budget for me, if others drank and the bill was split at £60 each for example, I hardly think it’s fair to say I shouldn’t have gone if I can’t afford it 🙄

To answer the question about rounds on a night out...like I say I rarely drink but when I do I’m usually quite pissed by round 3, so god only knows how it works out

Another poster made a good point way upthread. If I pay for my own I can eat like a king guilt-free. If we were splitting the bill and I was the only one having a starter and dessert I’d feel bad. Paying for own = license to be greedy fucker

From this thread though it’s clear some people are happy being greedy fuckers at the expense of others 🤷‍♀️

I can imagine you have an income for DH, then benefits for yourself if you're medically retired.

I think this is more you didn't like the other woman, over OMG we had to pay £10 more.

What's £10 between friends?

If this really is a big thing for you, as others have said, ask for separate tabs on your table. I don't really consider lasagne an extravagance. Scallops with chorizo on a bed of polenta and fancy sauce - totally fancy.

I'm guessing you're hoping DH won't subject you to another dinner date with them due to this?

There was a Friends episode about this. Rachel wasn’t working, or was working in a much less well paid job than the rest of them and they all kept going to places she couldn’t afford and she would eat salad and the rest would eat steak or caviar or diamonds on toast, or whatever. And then it all came to a head and the Friends, being actual friends, didn’t make her feel like some kind of shit heel party pooper because she - quite literally - couldn’t afford to be so very casual about it.

Actually, Joey couldn’t afford it either.

Anyway, the point is, this here Friends thing works both ways. I can’t imagine thinking: oh, I couldn’t possibly eat out with ‘Marge’ because she’s poor and would be sitting there with her calculator out.

I think the people saying that are pretty crass and insensitive, not the other way around.

Otter I’ve been thinking about that episode reading this thread too it was Joey Rachel and Phoebe who were ‘poor’ and the others were kinda pricks about it. Ross says “I just never thought of money as much of an issue” and Rachel points out “That’s because you have it”. Always makes me laugh as it’s very true!

OtterInDisgrace I've been thinking of that episode all through reading this thread! It was Rachel, Joey and Phoebe from what I remember.

And yes I agree that some of the comments are a bit insensitive upthread like this one:

Am laughing at the idea that any of the tight misers would be involved in a drinks round they'd probably kneel over their tap water

Just nasty tbh.

@TheDowagerCuntess - You have hit the nail on the head for me, we are Irish and have the same scramble to pay at every opportunity. Funny point about taxis, the wallets come out before we even get in and it almost becomes tense as you pull into the destination as to who can stuff the money in the drivers hands first. And these are not high rollers - everyone does it.

I have noticed it is very different in Scotland, where we ordered Chinese takeaway with a group of friends and you paid down to item you ordered and god forbid you suggest sharing dishes. With us, it would be taken as all shared and if not you would practically force others to eat some of yours.