Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

I think we've agreed that work nights out are different. Not close friends, don't know if they have similar eating, drinking habits etc.

Plus we've all agreed that even though with friends that split the bill, it would be pointed out if one person wasn't drinking, didn't eat much and they would pay less.
We just don't split hairs over the odd drink, a few pounds difference in mains, if someone orders extra fries etc...

Absolutely work is different - it's when its friends that i find it cringey to get out the calculator!

I've paid for my own and split the bill.They are not mutually exclusive.

But there's no point moaning after the fact.If you're on a budget then ask for a separate bill at the start.

Rounds are a different matter.If there's loads of us, then no.But if 2 or 3 of us are on the wine it's cheaper to split the no.Than pay for glasses.

Interesting, on a work bash we're even more likely to end up with a big pile of cash in the middle of the table as everyone just divides the bill by the number of people & chucks the nearest note (rounded up) in.

I suppose it depends on the industry, location etc. but at my place no one wants to be the one to sit pinch faced at the end of the table rooting around in their purse/pocket for small change....

@FloraFox

You spent £202 and only left a £10 tip? That's less than 5%. When you use a voucher, you should base your tip on the full amount before the discount. The server has done the same amount of work as if you didn't have the voucher.

There were four couples. At £5 per couple, that's a £20 tip.

Oh dear, YABU - if this is an issue you perhaps should not be eating out?

Splitting the bill is polite and the norm?

Minerva the PP said "the other family". I read it as two families paying £5 each.

@Tippz somewhat of a different context and so not worth signifying with a response.

Generally - when eating out, sharing company etc you would split the bill, this is normal behaviour.

Someone ringing through an itemised inventory of what they had consumed would not be polite.

that comparison with clothes shopping makes zero sense and you know it.

Firmly in the split the bill life's too short group with piffle, blunted and hotcross. Happy to pay abit more one time maybe abit less the next - if that makes me a hideous scrounger so be it .

This kind of thing drives me nuts. I have hardly any money so always order a cheap meal and drink water, then I get called tight for not wanting to subsidise everyone else's 3 courses plus alcohol. They're the tight ones wanting other people to pay for part of their meal! I always try to announce up front now that I only want to pay for me, but I still get judged for it and it pisses me right off.

And the people that say that it all balances out in the end clearly are the ones who's meals are more expensive or they'd know it really doesn't!

The clothing comparison is ridiculous.

Eating out and drinking together is social. Getting out your highlighter and embarrassing everyone else is not!

Qumquat - so why go? Why not just do something different with those friends?

I’m also struggling, with the fact we have someone on here who thinks going for dinner is the equivalent of clothes shopping.

And the people that say that it all balances out in the end clearly are the ones who's meals are more expensive or they'd know it really doesn't!

Oh come on, you know people are saying it evens out because they tend to all order in the same pricing corridor, no one over orders, no one under orders, hence it evens out. You did read the thread didn’t you?

@qumquat

This kind of thing drives me nuts. I have hardly any money so always order a cheap meal and drink water, then I get called tight for not wanting to subsidise everyone else's 3 courses plus alcohol. They're the tight ones wanting other people to pay for part of their meal! I always try to announce up front now that I only want to pay for me, but I still get judged for it and it pisses me right off.

EXACTLY! Great post!

I mean, some people are posting daft stuff like 'why quibble over 50p or a quid?!' No-one is ON about that? We are talking about over a tenner. (Obviously!)

If I ate £12 of food and got asked for £15, I would not say anything, but if someone said we all have to pay £29, I would say 'fuck that!' and would put my £12 on the table.

It's not a matter of not being able to afford it - though some cannot; it's about not being mugged off and subsidising some cheeky fucker who thinks I should pay towards THEIR bill which was double mine or even triple!. As the poster above said, THEY are the tight arses, expecting people to sub them!

I will ask again! Why do people expect this in a restaurant (that people should split the bill even if they had much less?) But they wouldn't do it with anything else!

Hi all,
We're getting a lot of reports about this thread and have made several deletions. We understand that splitting bills is a really hot-button issue but there are a few posters who also seem to have misplaced their own manners tonight, so could we ask that everyone to bear our guidelines www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette in mind as the thread continues?

I go out for meals because it's generally a fun event I've been invited to and I don't want to sit at home weeping over my bank account. I enjoy going out for meals. I just wish I could do it without worrying about offending other people by refusing to subsidise their meal. I hate that I'm thought of as rude when I'm just trying to maintain a tiny bit of social life as a single mum.

I haven't read every page of the thread, just the first and last. I was responding to the post just above mine where it says it always evens itself out. How does it ever even itself out if you never order alcohol and others always do? Or if you never order a starter and others always do?

Thanks Helen.

Sorry if I quoted an offensive (now deleted) post.

I shall refrain from doing it in future.

Why do people who have no backbone, blame others for their inability to speak up? OP was too embarrassed to come across as being cheap, that’s why nothing was said. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying “sorry, on a budget here” and paying for what you ate. I don’t drink so generally take that in to account when paying, but I let people know that as i’m not forking out for several bottles of wine I didn’t drink. If anyone has a problem with that, it’s their problem.

Qumqat, most have said, booze is usually removed if a non drinker in the group so they don’t pay.

Most have also said they order with the group, so everyone has starters, share wine or water on the table, mains are in the same price range, so if someone has a pudding one meal and doesn’t another, or if someone’s main costs a couple of quid more this time, it might be less next time, thus it evens itself out. However this is when with friends.

However if you socialise with people who order much more than you or drink when you don’t, then clearly you should just pay your own. If you socialise with people with similar ordering patterns to youself, then it’s easier to share, but if you have a consistently behave differently to your friends then you should defintely pay your own bill. It’s jist those who split don’t have this constant differential between them and their friends.

Well in the £60 example I gave above, one of the friends had just surprised me with a £50 diptyque candle because she thought I'd like the smell. The other had sat with me in a&e from 2-6am when I burned my foot.

You see what I mean - it evens out if you're friends.