Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

Agreed - you know what the prices are when you agree to go. If you really begrudge paying a restaurant that has to pay for rent, stock, wages, insurance etc and which employs numerous people - don't go!!

I’m guessing those in the “only go if you can afford to subsidise” camp are the CFs who are happy to get cheaper food on everyone else. I can’t imagine why anyone would be happy for a friend, who had less than them, to subsidise their food, unless they were looking to get a cheaper meal? I’d be utterly mortified charging my friends for my food, and them and me

This ^

It's becoming clear to me, reading this thread, that the ones who are incensed that someone would not want to subsidise their 2 bottles of wine and steak, (when the other person only had a bottle of mineral water and a salad,) are the type of people who want people to subsidise them. The piss-takers in life. The sort who 'borrow' a tenner and 'forget' to return it.

Anyone who has a scrap of decency or regard for anyone else, (and anyone who is a real friend,) would not expect others to subsidise their excessive (and expensive) scoffing and drinking. It's a fucking cheek actually, and anyone who IS like this would not be dining with me anyway. I don't eat a lot, I don't drink much, and hell will freeze over before I will subsidise some cheeky fucker's expensive 5 course meal that cost 3 times more than mine. What's more, no decent FRIEND would expect another friend to do that. It cuts both way you know!!!

As someone said much earlier in the thread, if these people thinking others should 'split the bill,' were out clothes shopping with a friend; would you 'split the bill' if she bought 3 dresses totalling £90, and you bought one dress worth £30, (so you had to fork out £60 for your one dress when it was only £30?)

That is, would you pay for one of her dresses? If she bought 3 and you bought one, would you be happy to pay for 2 each?

Of course you bloody wouldn't! So why do you think it's OK to have £55 worth of food and drink, and expect someone who has had £10 worth to pay £30 plus to subsidise your food consumption?

Bloody cheek! Some friend YOU are if you think that's OK.

@delatron

I'm glad too that I'm not friends with people who are constantly watching what the rest of the group are ordering, clocking how many drinks are consumed just in case they are 'shafted' by their friends. Honestly you sound like a joy to go out with.

It's about having nice food, socialising and having a good time.... Not calculating how many pennies you are down by at the end of the night. If you eat out with the same group it all works out in the end.

Feeling very happy with my circle of friends at the moment.

Bully for you. How wonderful that you have a group of friends who are all so cool about splitting the bill, no matter how little they may have consumed themselves! Doesn't make you any better than people who prefer to pay for their own you know.

I am very happy with MY group of friends. They are the type of people who are quite happy for their friends to do what makes them happy, and what they're comfortable with; INCLUDING paying separately in a restaurant without looking down their nose at them and calling them killjoys, tight-arse, mean, begrudging, and joyless!'

I could never socialise with people who are judgy and snidey and try and make people feel like shit if they prefer to just pay for their own food and drinks. There are multiple reasons why, and someone may be struggling financially. How unpleasant some people are on here, that they would judge a friend for simply wanting to pay for what they ate themselves.

Only in Britain are people like this. In many other countries, restaurants have no problem billing each individual person or couple. Similarly, people in other countries have no issue with it either!

As I said, would you 'split the bill' if you were out with a friend clothes-buying or food-buying for your families? And one of you bought twice as much as the other??? Of course not! So why the F do people get all snarky and pissy and insist you're a tight miserable twat, if you don't split the bill in a restaurant?

So fucking weird! (AND judgemental and rude!!!)

This topic comes up on mumsnet again and again. This wouldn't even be up for discussion in Ireland. The bill is split, unless someone is obviously not drinking in which case the others pay more.

Yes, exactly. I've seen scuffles break out as people try to pay! One person will often try to pay for everyone, let alone splitting the bill, or divvying it up.

People will try to be the first to the bar to get the first round it. And wallets will be pulled out before the taxi is near the destination, to be the first to pay. Every time DH and FIL are out together, there are arguments over who gets to pay.

The culture of generosity is so markedly different in Ireland. I wonder why...

If I was well off one month I would agree to split a bill. If I wasn't I would just tell friends I'm paying for my own stuff and that's all. I would ask to be billed separately.
I really couldn't care what any of them thought about that. You do what you have to do...and don't fret about people's weird opinions one way or another.

Agree TheDowagerCuntess
Tippz with your lovely ranting, calling people 'cheeky fuckers' etc yes I am glad I don't have to put up with that in my circle of friends. Nobody takes the piss and nobody gets their calculator out.

BarbaraofSeville - why do you think there are restaurants? They exist to make a profit . They have to pay staff, rent the premises, pay overheads, pay tax, pay business rates... and buy food.

The drinks are "overpriced" in order to facilitate 2-4-1 deals and 25% off Monday to Friday etc.

When you sit there with tap water and a starter - meanwhile expecting service, a clean table, a warm room - do you not realise that everyone who is ordering several courses and wine is subsidising you?

Sheesh.

I generally split the bill, and certainly don’t tot up every penny. But if you’ve clearly had more expensive food or more courses or drinks than the others, it’s very rude imo not to offer to pay a share that reflects this. Either the others are happy with just splitting and will rebuff your offer, or they’ll accept.

The unreasonable person here isn’t the OP, it’s the others who lacked the awareness and/or courtesy to be happy to be subsidised. Although I don’t realise notice £10 myself, I’m not so self-absorbed that I don’t realise that £10 is a lot to many people!

That's fine Tippz, you're clearly all happy to be those people who are dividing everything down to the penny.

That seems very alien to me. As I said upthread, if there's an obvious difference (e.g. A non drinking vegetarian will be much cheaper than a steak eating drinker) then fine. Otherwise.... just no, I would find it mortifying to be saying, "ooh Betty, you had the special so that's an extra £2, and oooh Delilah, you ordered those peas at £1.50, but then Barbara had a spoonful so let's say that's £1 for you and 50p for her..."

@hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea, what a nasty response! No need to be so personal.

I hate to say this but it's pretty clear reading this thread that some people have zero concept of struggling for money. Just enjoy the fact that you never have to worry about whether to get that side order even if you're starving and could eat way more than you can afford!

Bill is always split when I go out either as couples or with friends. On that basis I never hold back when ordering

LightsON - OR when we've been struggling, we've either not gone or told our friends and agreed to do something cheaper. It's really not that difficult!

Yes, we've been known to stay in for takeaway with friends last minute if someone is short (and sub them).

Crikey, that’s a bit strong @hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea

There were 8 of us, I paid for all the food with the £160 of vouchers I'd swapped for £40 of points and the other family paid £42 for the drinks. We left £5 each tip.

You spent £202 and only left a £10 tip? That's less than 5%. When you use a voucher, you should base your tip on the full amount before the discount. The server has done the same amount of work as if you didn't have the voucher.

In future I'd check the menu prices and do a rough calculation in your head of the total. Then casually say at the end that you reckon yours came to about so-and-so £ and put the cash in the middle. Always bring cash and a bit of change if you're worried you'll have to pay more. Only order what you have the money for. Problem solved hopefully! No use complaining afterwards though. You can't do much about it now!

I absolutely hate going out with pennypinching Bill splitters but they were a bit mean about the voucher imo

I went out with work people recently who are pennypinching bill splitters and on that occasion I was quite glad for it as I had starter main and a drink some of them had three courses and alcohol and expensive mains to the extent that someone's fajitas was costing more than my starter and main put together not to mention their extra fries.
however having said all that I still wouldn't of insisted on splitting the bill if others hadn't done that and Are notorious for it

I don't see many people on this thread who are teetotal or don't eat a lot for whatever reason saying that they are happy to split the bill with the three course alcohol consumers.

@Tippexy

The tip wasn’t included in the final bill.
Both couples put a tip down - in cash.

I do, whataboutmeee. I'm vegetarian and not a big drinker, and more than once I've had a significantly cheaper dinner than others but just split it. On one occasion my friends had oysters, steak tartare and red wine and I had a cheese toastie (French restaurants not bejng so big on the veggie offerings!) - at £60 it was the most expensive toastie ever. But like I said upthread, if you're good friends, it evens out. There will be other occasions when they've bought rounds and I've been drinking something more expensive or I've wanted a starter or they've bought me a lovely birthday present.

That being said, I always try to point it out if someone else has had a cheaper meal, to save them the awkwardness of doing so.

@dustarr73

“So £9 is what you paid over,so basically half the price of the sharing plate.

So op if they had used the vouchers for the benefit of everybody,would you still have insisted on paying for your own.”

In the meal amounts, I included the £6 paying our half of the sharing plate.

I wouldn’t have expected them to use the vouchers for our benefit, they were their vouchers. So yes, I would’ve insisted on paying my own.

Genuine question for all you "itemisers".

If you're out for drinks with mates, do you insist that everyone keeps drinking until everyone has bought the same number of rounds?

I'm only talking 2 or 3 mates, not a troupe, but finishing "out of sync" could still potentially leave you a tenner down!!! What do you do in that situation??

Figgygal so you don't like penny-pinching bill splitters when you order loads of food and drink but when you're more frugal with your order you're glad for them? So basically you're one of those people who would spend a fortune and split it evenly with other people who ordered less and be ok with it and then be happy to penny pinch when you ordered less than others? Sounds like you take the piss a bit!

That being said, I always try to point it out if someone else has had a cheaper meal, to save them the awkwardness of doing so.

Yes, yes, yes. I do this too. It's the polite thing to do, especially if I've ordered more that others.

I wouldn't be prepared to do that rebecca. I often socialise in a big group of couples or with work colleagues and it doesn't always even out.

With family I am more than happy to pay, but not with twenty colleagues. The last time we all went out, a retired colleague in his 70s joined us and he had a main meal and no alcohol. The drinkers wanted to split the bill with no thought to his financial position or the fact his meal came to much less. I don't think that's fair.