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AIBU?

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Original poster

Splitting restaurant bill

974 replies

idontwanttodothisanymore · 06/11/2017 14:37

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

OP posts:
Tippexy · 07/11/2017 16:03

Why all this stress over £6?

And yes it is £6 - surely you would have added a tip, bringing yours up to £35.

lightsON111 · 07/11/2017 16:28

My point is, that the rules of this meal out have been clearly communicated to attendees. You choose to go, you split the bill. If you don't agree with that, then don't go. All you will do by kicking up a fuss at the end of the meal about who had what will bring a bitter taste for everyone.

From this thread it is clear there are deep divisions in how people think bills should be split. In this case, that split has been clearly clarified. Don't like it, don't go.

Rather wonder if the world is divided into two, those happy to split the bill and those that see "scroungers" around every corner and won't pay a penny more than for what they have actually eaten or drunk. Both are fine as long as they socialise within their own like minded groups...

I find this really sad :( Would those of you saying "stay home" actually say that to a friend or relative? As in if there was an event coming up but they only had £25 but wanted to come would you say to them - "Sorry but we're splitting the bill so £25 may not be enough, it would be better if you didn't come"? I feel that this is spiteful! Might be being dramatic though. The worst thing that they want to do is come out for a meal and pay for what they eat and drink, how does this cause so much irritation in people?

I realise now I live in a different class to others completely. But I don't see 'scroungers' and don't use that word, I just have very little money and literally CAN'T afford more than £20-30 on a meal out!!!

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2017 16:30

I also think there is clear deep divisions, those who split the bill equally between all parties and don’t genuinely know if their own bill was a little more or a little less, because the focus for them is an enjoyable meal with friends and don’t sweat paying a few quid more, they feel they are paying for their share in the evening.

Then there is those who will pay exactly for what they had and will know exactly how much they spent as they total it up as they go and pay exactly that, this seems to be either due to budget constraints or an unfortunate situation where their friends and family are all apparantly repeat offender scrounging free loaders so they have been forced to behave in this manner.

I think as long as each side socialises only with each side it’s fine. The issue arises when the two world collide.

lightsON111 · 07/11/2017 16:32

Yes that's fair Bluntness, it does seem to be what you're used to and how you socialise. Guess it's another reminder that for some, money is no problem and no big deal, yet for others every single penny is valuable and a bit more over the budget can be a big problem.

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2017 16:35

As in if there was an event coming up but they only had £25 but wanted to come would you say to them - "Sorry but we're splitting the bill so £25 may not be enough, it would be better if you didn't come"?

No of course not, don’t be silly. However if it was me and I couldn’t afford it I wouldn’t go. I would politely decline because I couldn’t partake properly in the evening the same as everyone else, and if I told anyone I couldn’t afford it properly, so would be sitting with my glass of water and my side salad, they would immediatelh offer to pay for me, and I wouldn’t like that either.

So yes, I have only ever went to things I can fully afford and I have declined things I can’t fully afford, no matter how much I want to go. I simply pick my social events that are fully within my means.

Rainbunny · 07/11/2017 16:38

I don't live in the UK but I'm always surprised on these threads at how apparently difficult it is to simply be billed separately? Especially as it would only amount to two separate bills in your case. Where I live waiters wouldn't blink at issuing separate bills for diners even in larger groups.

MarthaArthur · 07/11/2017 16:41

bluntness100 thats well and good for you but does that apply if you are always hard up for cash like some people are. Should we always decline going out unless we can keep up with the jonses? I would never leave home again to hang out with people if that was the case.

OliviaStabler · 07/11/2017 16:41

I find this really sad sad Would those of you saying "stay home" actually say that to a friend or relative? As in if there was an event coming up but they only had £25 but wanted to come would you say to them - "Sorry but we're splitting the bill so £25 may not be enough, it would be better if you didn't come"?

Of course not but this is a works do with a clear payment expectation. If you don't agree, don't go.

If you don't want to split the bill, say so in advance. Just make things clear.

OliviaStabler · 07/11/2017 16:42

I meant in family situations in my last comment.

Sandsunsea · 07/11/2017 16:43

I recently ate out with friends. At the beginning as I was ordering mine I simply said to the waiter, I would like a seperate tab for me please. He didn't blink an eyelid. Neither did my friends who then followed suit and got a tab each for themselves too. We each paid our own tab at the end. Easy.

BakedBeans47 · 07/11/2017 16:43

My point is, that the rules of this meal out have been clearly communicated to attendees.

What gives the manager locus to make that decision in advance for everyone?

What in the world is wrong with just saying “we’d rather just pay for our own thanks”. Everyone else can decide to split the remainder of the bill equally if they want, what’s the problem?

Rebeccaslicker · 07/11/2017 16:47

God I can't bear quibbling over who pays what. My SIL's sister once queried a pound for bread FFS. Seriously.

It is different if someone has had noticeably less, e.g. not drinking or had fewer courses. Otherwise just split it or take it in turns to treat. If you're friends, it all evens out in the end!

OtterInDisgrace · 07/11/2017 16:48

I think the OP has had a really unfair pasting on here. The ones who sound like right tight arses are the couple who paid for their entire meal in vouchers and let the other couple pick up the tab.

That’s such selfish behaviour! I bet the vouchers were something like: ‘£20 off your bill when at least 4 people dine’ or something like that. So they were really taking the piss, if so.

lightsON111 · 07/11/2017 16:50

Bluntness would you then think badly of someone who did come and eat/drink very little? Also, not everyone watching the budget has salad and water! It's just that some will choose no starter or dessert whereas the rest of the party does.

Olivia , that's interesting with the works meal, as are those arrangements set in stone then? Not being sarcastic just wondering, is it a huge faux pas for that poster to go along anyway but ask for their own bill?

And yes as has been said, if we take it upon ourselves to just stay home we may never get to go outside on an evening and be around other humans in a social setting Grin

Whataboutmeee · 07/11/2017 16:51

we don't all always mix with people the same as ourselves re eating and drinking. Once upon a time when I was single and childless and earning decent money, I wouldn't have thought twice about splitting the bill. Now I am a single parent with two small children and I usually drive so I can get home easily and I don't want to spend an extra £10 or £20 if I go out in a group with big drinkers.

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2017 16:56

bluntness100 thats well and good for you but does that apply if you are always hard up for cash like some people are. Should we always decline going out unless we can keep up with the jonses

Well I think there would be an issue if everyone you socialise with always does things you can’t afford and they are unwilling to be flexible with you and organise things you can afford.

People do tend to socialise within their own socio economic groups, but if you’re in a situation for whatever reason, ie decline in income but your existing friends don’t have that decline , then I think I’d probably go to every second event or organise stuff for the friendship group that was in my budget, Invite them over for drinks, or even meet them for drinks after. Friends should understand,

I’ve not been in thr situation myself where I can’t afford any and every single event properly, for me it’s been I can’t afford that restaurant, so shall give it a miss, or save for next time, but i can afford this so will organise that ie drinks at my place, everyone bring a bottle.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 07/11/2017 16:59

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lightsON111 · 07/11/2017 17:01

Isn't it funny that those going on about subbing others and scrounging bastards are also the ones that think the other couple should have shared their vouchers, which is literally subsidising those without vouchers?
It's very grabby, while whining about others not being fair. Not people I would ever want to eat with, or even know at all.

If they were Clubcard vouchers - or indeed several other types of vouchers - they would have been redeemable against food only, meaning that they got their drinks courtesy of OP and her husband.

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2017 17:02

Bluntness would you then think badly of someone who did come and eat/drink very little

No of course not, I’ve not even intimated such a thing, I’d feel bad for them if they were doing ir for budget, and I’d offer to pay if it was a friend, but I certainly wouldn’t think badly of them, a friends a friend. The next time I’d ensure we went somewhere more budget friendly to save them that awkwardness. I think most people would.

I’m horrified at the thought of a group of people socialising in a way one can’t afford, in our group, we either all afford it or we find something different to do.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 07/11/2017 17:07

If they were Clubcard vouchers - or indeed several other types of vouchers - they would have been redeemable against food only, meaning that they got their drinks courtesy of OP and her husband

Only if you think about it in bald terms. They split the bill and paid their half. Quibbling about drinks etc is just petty and childish.

I am so glad nobody I know is nearly as mean and begrudging as the people on this thread.

Delatron · 07/11/2017 17:15

I'm glad too that I'm not friends with people who are constantly watching what the rest of the group are ordering, clocking how many drinks are consumed just in case they are 'shafted' by their friends. Honestly you sound like a joy to go out with.

It's about having nice food, socialising and having a good time.... Not calculating how many pennies you are down by at the end of the night. If you eat out with the same group it all works out in the end.

Feeling very happy with my circle of friends at the moment.

BarbaraofSevillle · 07/11/2017 17:22

But it doesn't work out in the end. I don't buy a lot of drinks in restaurants because they are very overpriced. I never have three courses because that is far too much food for me. I nearly always have one course because I simply can't eat any more.

If I can't or don't want to buy extra food and drink, wtf should I buy it for other people?

lightsON111 · 07/11/2017 17:34

I am so glad nobody I know is nearly as mean and begrudging as the people on this thread.

What is it that people don't get - it's not being mean and begrudging it's being on a low income!!! I wish I could pay for every family meal, I'd love to be generous with money, and a dream is to buy my parents a house and get everyone I know out of debt. So no, it's not being mean.

It's simply that some of us only have a limited amount to go out and socialise and physically can't split the bill because if it goes over our budget then we can't materialise that money - surely that's more embarrassing?

Delatron · 07/11/2017 17:38

Yes drinks in restaurants are pricey so if you don't like that you don't go to restaurants. I don't mind paying a bit more for wine in a restaurant because, as I said before, it's about socialising.

Luckily it works out in my group as nobody sits there nursing tap water all night. If they did I would, of course, suggest they pay much less...

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2017 17:38

Barbabra, you’re right, you shouldn’t. Clearly the issue is you do not socialise with people similar to you, if you socialised with people who couldn’t eqt more than one course and didn’t buy restauranf drinks as they were over priced, you would have no issue I assume splitting the bill?

The issue is you, I assume from your post on that it would never work out for you, socialise with people who will have two or three courses and happily buy drinks in restaurants. In this instance, as you differ wildly from your social circle you should only pay for yourself.