Splitting restaurant bill

[idontwanttodothisanymore]

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

If you can’t afford to eat out, don’t eat out.

She could afford to eat out. She shouldn’t have to budget also coughing up for CFs’ meals though when they paid fuck all.

It's about give and take. I met a friend the other night for a "quick" drink. When I arrived she had already ordered a bottle of wine. I actually don't drink white wine (I get headaches from it) and was going to have a cocktail, but she'd poured me a glass, so I wasn't going to make a fuss over one drink or the other. At the end, I said I'd get it. The bottle of wine was £75. I'd only had one glass. It's fine though as I'm sure she'll get my cocktails next time. It all balances out.

You had one glass of a 75-pound bottle of something you don't even like, and your friend let you pay for it? That's hilarious.

I'd maybe be a bit miffed about it because they had vouchers but not miffed enough to write an aibu about it.

If I've ordered a more expensive meal I'll try and roughly square that off by offering to out in an extra fiver of whatever,which is usually then refused by the friend. I only tend to accept those sorts of offers from friends to put in more if I haven't been drinking and they have.

I think you friends should have offered to stick in some money or bought a round of drinks after.

But on the other hand I hate going out with people that quibble over bills too. One of my friends is like this and it irritates me as I just think this sort of thing evens out over time with good friends.

I think if you can afford to split a £75 bottle of wine you are probably not budgeting and adding £10-20 to cover others isn’t going to make money tight

Many of us are maybe we should only eat at McDonalds

YANBU
I would never expect someone to pay a £10 top up for my meal.
And of course a meal out can be enjoyed if just a meal and water is ordered. Water is an actual drink that some people even enjoy.....

If someone eats/drinks a lot more than others and doesn't offer to pay for their fare share then that is plain rude.

And I don't get the whole splitting thing anyway, we don't do this with anything else. I wouldn't go shopping with my friend, get some jeans for £20, she gets a top for £10 and we just pay £15 each otherwise she's a killjoy.
What nonsense.

Nope, I don't - and won't 'split the bill' with people. We are going out (me and DH) for a meal in late November (a work do with his colleagues,) and he said the manager said all 13 people will eat and drink, and pool it all together.

So obviously if the bill is £429.00 for all 13 people, that is £33 each, but if me and DH only have £20 of food and drink each, I am NOT paying an extra £13 each (to basically subsidise someone else's wine and extra courses.)

If I have a pasta bake that costs a fiver and someone has a steak that costs 3 time more, I am not paying for it. So if me and DH have £20 each of food and drink, we will be paying that and not a penny more.

It's not about being tight or petty; it's about not accepting people taking the piss out of you. If we have £20 worth of food and drink each, why should be pay £33 each?! (Whilst someone who has £45 worth of food and drink pays £33 too.) Fuck that.

YANBU. @idontwanttodothisanymore

@QueenUnicorn

And I don't get the whole splitting thing anyway, we don't do this with anything else. I wouldn't go shopping with my friend, get some jeans for £20, she gets a top for £10 and we just pay £15 each otherwise she's a killjoy.

What nonsense.

Excellent point!

I have a morbid fear of people getting their calculators out

Its not really getting calculators out though. I doubt many would work it out to the penny. More estimating. Like if your main was 7.50, drinks 2 quid each x2 and a desert 4 quid. I would not insist on paying 17.50 in this case. I would just chuck on a 20. Which covers tip too.

Then, if the rest of the group with to split the rest of the bill, its up to them to do so.

But its very true that those so very keen on splitting the bill, tend to be those who spend the most.

drinks 3 quid each. I am actally fairly good at maths and do not estimate that badly. Though if I did, I am overestimating, which means more tip/more subsidy of others food

Splitting bills is good. We've all got that friend who's a teetotal vegan and that friend with a husband who consumes like Henry VIII. It would plainly be absurd for the two to always pay equal shares. If the teetotal goes out a lot she could easily end up say £25 per night, potentially say £500 per year, £5000 per decade down as a result of always splitting the bill, fuck that.
But splitting does, for whatever reason, offend a fairly sizeable minority of people (not me) certainly if done in a clumsy fashion, so:

1. I'd advise against unless we're talking fairly material differences in spend per head, say at least £5 per head; and
2. people who always want to split need to get good at splitting, which means bringing it up at the right time (early is good), getting the sums approximately rather than very precisely right of the latter involves disproportionate effort;
3. etc.

so we should all stay in if we cant aim to guess how much everyone else will be eating or drinking bluntness

now thats batshit

Tippz

But I think in the situation you described there’s a social expectation that nobody takes the piss ordering £££champagne and equally that everyone is generous enough to share the bill equally even if it does mean subsidising others.**

op you are not wrong here but i tnink you are annoyed at yourself for not speaking up. take it as a lesson.

ok its 9 pounds but its 9 pounds she could of spent on a cab or drinks or something else not somebody she doesnt know meal.
i am not even short on money but things like this annoy me too

on my birthday me and my friend went to novicov in mayfair, she brought along one of her friends. I was waiting around 20mins for them to arrive so brought myself a bottel of prosecco which is 60 pounds in there

when they arrived the waiter kept pouring in their cups it was so annoying i even had to tell him my glass only which he ignored

my friend doesnt really drink but her friend was just happily taking the drink like it was free.

from that experience i learnt always speak up its your money end of the day

Water is an actual drink that some people even enjoy

Exactly. I don't really like coke or other fizzy drinks so would almost never order them with a meal.

If I'm not having alcohol or am only having one, I will usually also ask for a jug of tap water for the table.

Bottled water is an environmental nightmare and a total rip off so it's not reasonable for them to argue about providing it, certainly in the UK and they are almost always fine about the tap water.

I drink a lot of water and never understand those who don't like water or consider it to be unreasonably puritan to drink it.

Providing tap water that is.

*he said the manager said all 13 people will eat and drink, and pool it all together.

So obviously if the bill is £429.00 for all 13 people, that is £33 each, but if me and DH only have £20 of food and drink each, I am NOT paying an extra £13 each (to basically subsidise someone else's wine and extra courses.)*

Then you should not attend. The manager has made clear that the bill will be split evenly. If you disagree with that, then it is best to not attend.

Don'tspeaktime - but would you honestly down a bottle of Prosecco by yourself in 20 mins? That's hilarious!
Of course the waiter would presume you were not some kind of bottle-hogger and pour wine into your friend's glasses. What did you expect him to do?

Tippz - imagine if all 13 people at this dinner you are going to arrive with your attitude - that they will pay for their own food and drink "and not a penny more". It would be a total nightmare to calculate that. You would look like a pack of fools of the highest order. Plus people who do this kind of thing never factor in the tip, so that's left to everyone else to cover. It's Christmas. Relax - or just stay home with a 2 for 1 ready meal.

I'm aghast at the Prosseco hogging! Why wouldn't you share a bottle with your friends? Who'd nurse a whole bottle to themselves?! Why didn't you just buy a glass if you were expecting friends imminently?

When I am out with good friends we take turn paying the whole bill

When I am out with friends who I know are not so cash flush I will arrange more expensive places when it’s my turn to pay

Family - all out tactical war almost to get to pay the whole bill (why are you going to the toilet with your credit card after the starter kind of thing)

Friends / groups we don’t know so well we all pay for our own but it always ends up being way short as people will “forget” a drink or two, not want to pay for something because they “only had a couple of chips/small glass of wine”, wildly underestimate the tips. One or two will leave early leaving money which never adds up to the whole of their bill..... Ends up a couple of us have to pay the extra just because it’s embarrassing

Also have a friend who I split with, I will give my half with the tip - she never has cash so will pay on her card and never leaves a tip (or only a small one). So annoying but now I give half and when she has paid put a cash tip down - she doesn’t

In general I think if you're the higher orderer you shouldn't suggest splitting the bill equally and should always suggest deducting an amount from the lower orderer's bill. Only the lower orderer should suggest an equal split (if that's what they want, obv).

However. To some extent in a restaurant you are not just paying for the cost of the food - it's also the staff costs, premises costs etc. If everyone just had a side salad and tap water the restaurant couldn't survive. The people in the group ordering fifty bottles of champagne and five courses are the ones who make it profitable for the restaurant. So I don't think it's quite as simple as saying that the one person who just had a side salad is paying for the other person's food and champagne - they're sort of paying for the fact that the others in the group are keeping the restaurant in business.

I would still not want to do an equal split with people who ordered several £175 bottles of wine when I'm having a glass of house red though!

Sometimes an extra tenner for one meal is not going to break the bank but it can add up if it always happens. Also I wouldn't often have a starter or choose a steak but then I have to subsidise someone else ordering three courses and extra sides.

The more I read this thread the more I am pissed off by splitting the bill especially as I do know people who don't consider others when they are ordering quadruples and champagne. I also agree with pp who said it is always the drinkers who say, let's split the bill, it's easier, and shout down the table how much everyone has to pay.

I don't want the embarrassment of nitpicking but also don't think it's fair so I will avoid eating out in a large group especially as I am often driving these days.

The thing is, they might not have totted up in their heads, just looked at the total and thought 'great, our voucher covers half'. Your DH said 'we'll sort it out at the end', so it was down to him to have the awkward conversation. His mistake, more thsn theirs I think, although they would have been solicitous to check with you that they had covered enough.

Now I come to think of it I don't ever seem to end up in the situation where I am a huge under (or over!) orderer. I wonder if subconsciously our 'eating out' friends are 'chosen' over the years because of similar restaurant choices! And that is why equal splitting has evolved as the 'norm' - which I agree it has - because in general it's unproblematic.
On mn it often seems to be work outings where it becomes very unfair - which may be because people haven't actively 'chosen' each other to go out with.

I think I would try to avoid going somewhere other than cheapish and cheerful places with people I didn't know that well - because I might be able to afford a 'middle range' bill but then what if those people headed off to the page with £250 bottles of wine? Particularly in a large group - ok to 'subsidise' one person, but not ten!