to think that someone is in for a bollocking tomorrow

[Worriedobsessive]

which they richly deserve!

Difficult families?

PugonToast Are you suggesting that being a drug abuser or alcoholic does not increase the risk of SEN if you are pregnant?

Pound to a penny those complaining so bitterly about this advert are the difficult parents! I don’t blame you for being difficult if you’re struggling to get the right support for your child - I would be too!

But you will be difficult to deal with, as you understandably passionately advocate for your child and they have to try and manage expectations within the LEA’s financial and operational pressures. The person taking this job needs to appreciate that they will have difficult parents to deal with, and have the skills to do so.

So, perhaps the ad was a little clumsy and better wording could have been used, but it’s not particularly wrong.

Oh jog on @brasty.

Why are you being so deliberately goady? Are you a worn out SENCO? A poor teacher who doesn’t believe in these bullshit excuse new fangled SN? In your day they were naughty, got the cane and became outstanding pupils. You are referring to a tiny tiny amount of cases yet you are wittering on and on about it. Or do you think most of us caused it?

Indeed alcohol intake can cause FAS but actually the increase in autism prevalence is tiny. I also imagine some maternal medical interventions could increase the risk too. As could injury to the abdominal area perhaps? A viral Infection in the first trimester or bacterial in the second increases the risk of ASD by a minuscule amount. Cocaine was shown as a risk factor in a study but actually how many of us do you actually think were snorting coke whilst knocked up? I know of only one person - she was a crack addict and prostitute. Her kids have no SN which is very lucky. But these mothers are a tiny tiny proportion that you are talking about.

You are talking about drugs and alcohol as though they are a cause of significant numbers of SN. You are bringing it up to place blame and prove that we are not only difficult families but addict scum who caused their kids to have these SN.

Stop being disingenuous and goady.

I think that you're confusing advocacy with obduracy coconut.

I was going to say that it's an easy to mistake to make (just to be polite) but it isn't really.

I’m not difficult to deal with - I want my kid to be an inclusive member of the class. To not cause problems for the teachers or other kids.
I want them to do their best and reach their potential and be a valued member of school. So I am polite and civil and respectful. I write thank you letters as well as complaints and thank people for their help.

I only get difficult when my child is bullied ( particularly by teachers - yes it does happen) or is given no support. Or I am lied to about incidents and comments. Or the SN teachers are incompetent. I only get difficult when their wellbeing is threatened and damage is done. And then it is in the form of letters and complaints. Not swearing or threats.

So we have Brasty who thinks children have SEND because we, their parents, are neglectful abusers... Or drug using alcoholics.. Or both, and then we have coconutella who thinks our expectations need to be managed - well, how dare we expect for our disabled children's needs to be met? There isn't a magic money tree etc.

This thread is fucking depressing.

I have been accused of being difficult by the school head today because his suggestion of leaving the house 10 minutes early will negate any and every possible meltdown on the way to school my child will have. I told him to fuck off because this is a repeated suggestion that never bloody works. This is minor and much less outing than some of the others I have had thrown my way.

This is what us difficult parents have to deal with day in day out. People who think they know what will work but don't have the first clue about the complexities of your situation or your childs needs. by standing up to people who believe this i Have been labelled resistant, reluctant, unwilling, full of excuses even though I have tried every damn thing in the book to get my child to comply with some of the most simplest of tasks. e.g. hair brushing. I have gotten to the point where hair brushing is the least of my worries it gets done just not every day. Its not killing my child and most importantly it is reducing stress and anxiety for both of us.

In a recent referral to another agency There was a major cock up and a HUGE piece of info put in there that wasn't related to me ( I suspect copied and pasted from another childs file) and because I am complaining and rightly kicking off about this. Data protection, long term consequences for both me and my child. I am, again, labelled 'difficult' So unless you have been in this system and know the shit that is thrown at you you won't fully understand just what that statement implies about people who are doing little more than what is their right legally and what is best for their kids.

Yes just totally misquote me and lie. Seems to be a lot of that in this thread.

“I told him to fuck off”

😐

redfish18 6 years of patronising attitude and the belief your child being smart and in uniform will suddenly make them jump 3 whole levels and go from well below average to above average. I don't believe in magic and you get to the point where you have had enough. If you heard todays conversation and the head telling me to 'get rid of the TV if its such a distraction' with regards to my child you would respond the same.

Brasty, the problem with posts like yours is that they feed into the general opinion that those of us with children with SEN have somehow caused it.

I have autistic children, I can honestly say that through several schools, many teachers, support workers and consultant clinicians, not forgetting three referrals to CAMHS, we have been treated like shit. It's been assumed, like your posts, that we have caused our ds's diffiuclties by being crap parents, when we haven't. Assumptions like this have stopped the boys (and us as a family) from being supported at every turn, which has led to homelife being more and more difficult, and more chaotic (you try parenting disabled children with no help, see how you manage!)
Neither dh or I drink, we don't do drugs, we don't smoke. Until ds2 reached crisis point, we were just a normal family. As soon as ds showed behavioural problems others' attitudes to us changed.

Please stop posting your inflammatory shit, it's really unfair on the majority of parents who are doing their utmost to secure decent support, and in the case of this advert, it is those of us who try that are considered the difficult ones, because we won't accept the second rate care and shitty attitudes that are aimed at our children.

Posts like mine? Then you did not read all my posts which said that SEN is caused by a wide variety of things. Some of those genetic. And my family have a rare genetic SEN, I do bloody understand that.
And no don't pretend that most people think SEN is caused by parents being alcoholics or drug abusers. That is bullshit.

I have read all your posts, and there is an insistance that SN can be caused by things the parents do, which is bloody obvious, we all know that, you'd have to live under a rock not to know, because as "autism parents" we've likely had that thrown at us from all corners in one way or another.

On a local SN group a few of us shared reasons why our child was autistic, as told to us by the local assessing team.
Some highlights were:
He's an only child
He's one of four
You've treated the autistic child differently
You haven't socialised the child
You haven't fed the child properly (the child in question has a severely restricted diet, because of his autism)
You live on a farm
You've neglected your child
And it went on and on, maybe it doesn't mention drugs and alcohol, but there's still a clear message that if your child is autistic it has been caused somehow by parenting, by our poor choices, which is bullshit. Refrigerator mother theory has been debunked, yet it is still live and kicking and used to put desperate parents in their place.
Continually bringing up how parents can cause SN in this thread is unfair, it's damaging to already challenged families who are considered difficult, can you not see that?
And I'm afraid in this case mentioning your family's rare genetic SEN, given some of your posts, is a bit like saying you're not racist because you have a black friend. Having disabled family does not negate the tone of some of your posts, which many posters here have reacted to.

Except I said none of those things you have listed.
Instead we are talking about problem families, and families with parents who are alcoholics or drug abusers are problem families. My comments were all made to say that of course some children with SEN are part of problem families.

Anyone who thinks autism is caused by things like being an only child is an idiot.

And being a pregnant alcoholic or drug abuser does not cause autism either.
HTH

Cloud

No, I know, but it is the repeat insistance that SN can be caused by those factors that's derailing the thread somewhat.
Those of us who are in the system know what leads to a family being considered difficult when it comes to EHCPs, and it's usually those of us who are pushing hard for our children, not the ones with a background of drugs and alcohol. This is what pp are trying to say.
Most of the people I know whose children have diffiuclties, but not quite enough to make it obvious to others, have become difficult families, you have no choice, the only other option is to give up. Would you give up on your child? I doubt it, but in certain circumstances this is the very thing that would make you a difficult parent.

"Anyone who thinks autism is caused by things like being an only child is an idiot."

Yes, you're right, but I could give you the name and job title of the very person within our ASD assessment team who said these things and more to local families (obviously I won't!). They may be an idiot, but these opinions are wide held and not uncommon. This is what parents like me are up against, this is why we become difficult. Would you accept "only child" as a reasonable explanation for your child's difficulties? This is why parents can become defensive, because of the attitudes we face, and the judgements made against us, not just from members of the public, and uninformed family members and friends, but from professionals, people who should know better than this, and yet here we are.

I was simply insisting because I was being ridiculed for saying that some families are difficult. And no I am not talking about parents fighting for their children.

I can see that, but you can probably see why parents are defensive following their distressing experiences of the system.

so should jobs not advertise working with difficult customers/ families.

God sake do you just browse job adverts to get annoyed about. Maybe if you actually applied for a job you would have less time
To browse this shit!

@Swizzlesticks23
Hahahahaha!
You are right. We is feckless lazy snowflakes who is way too sensitive.
I be getting a job so I can stop being difficult and whiny.

Thank you Swizz
Is you a social worker or senco? You full of good ideas innit.

I love the crowd who are too dim to know that not everybody works M-F 9-5

And of course the fact that they have time to post nonsense is never a sign that they're underemployed. Oh no

i would hate for one of my children to be in such a bad place inside their skin that they trawl the internet, looking for threads about SEND, in order to be goady and spiteful.

It would destroy me to think of one of my children turning out like that.

Life must have turned into such a terrible prison and a punishment for such a person. And the vast geography of emotion must have narrowed into a tiny spectrum of hate, fear, rage and momentary relief. How horrible to know that they have hours, days and years of that kind of life ahead of them. Without love or hope.

I wouldn't wish that upon anybody's child.

Pug

I'm dying with laughter.

I really am.