to think that someone is in for a bollocking tomorrow

[Worriedobsessive]

which they richly deserve!

Difficult families?

I love my children. I love to think about them. i let my mind run along the outlines of who they are - and it fills me with joy. They are wonderful: unique, fascinating, able to inspire love and interest, capable of loving this world and the people in it. Their 'human scent' - the indescribable 'feel' of their humanity - is evident in their personalities. It delights me to know how loved they are - and that they know they're loved.

I hope - for my children - that they never grow to loathe themselves so much that they become twisted with bitterness and turned inside-out with self-hatred. That their self-loathing makes them unbearable to other people. That they are forced into a prison of loneliness, where they despise and hate themselves so much, they can hardly bear the sight of their own hands. Or their own smell. That the only way they can feel real - and forget that self-hatred - is by goading on the internet.

I think it would be a terrible existence to live like that.

I’ve reported Brasty again. It’s daily now isn’t it?

You have reported me? For disagreeing with you? Crazy

No, and you know full well that’s not why. I’ve reported you for your repeated offensive conflating of SEN with poor parental behaviour, your daily goading posts and your disgusting attitude.

I am involved with the EHCP process. And you know what? Some families are difficult.

Sure, lots of families are difficult, including those with no involvement whatsoever in the EHCP process. I haven't seen it suggested in recruitment adverts for estate agents, insurance salesmen, shop assistants, hairdressers etc that dealing with difficult people is an essential job skill, though.

Are you suggesting that being a drug abuser or alcoholic does not increase the risk of SEN if you are pregnant?

Are you suggesting that having SEN increases the risk of you having drug abuser or alcoholic parents, brasty?

The issue is though that less that a tiny proportion of children with identified SEN have a statement or whatever it is called now (I’m in Wales and we are slow to adopt so we are still using statements), those tend to be the families who have sought support for their child. The majority of families who successfully get a statement are educated parents who know their rights. It’s not dysfunctional families as someone implied.

As for being difficult parents, yes, I am sure there are some who are just difficult but that’s the same with any job that works with people surely. It basically implies all SEN parents are difficult and I am sure they think we are being difficult. I have been though the system 3 times, has to make complaints each time, but each time it was because of their errors. Time errors mostly. First twice breaching timescales twice. Most recently my child was out of school for 9 months, surely I am entitled to complain when my requests get get my child in school are ignored?

It should say “difficult situations” because I am sure we can agree they are under pressures too and as parents we just want what is best for our child. Surely seeking support and help shouldn’t be seen as sing difficult?!?

God this thread is depressing.

I'm that parent with one child diagnosed ASD (with EHCP) and another child going through the process.

Whoever mentioned institutionalised discrimination against disability up thread is spot on.

The wording of the ad is indefensible. Yes there will be some families who are more difficult than necessary but it is the hoops we have to jump through to achieve something as near as possible to a level playing field for our additional needs kids that mean that we must be difficult.

Those who don't get it, don't have to deal with it and don't want to.

Stems from a belief that autism/ adhd isn't in some way real and these kids are just naughty and parents are making it all up to get something for nothing. Or that it is caused by bad parenting.

It stinks.

And it is a complete nonsense that there is a scale of need and an LEA should deny those with less of a need. You either meet the criteria or you don't.

The LEAs are woefully underfunded in mental health and in dealing with children in mainstream schools.The government shut loads of special schools and said mainstream should be the way and yet can't meet the needs of so many children. If there were stats on school refusal/ exclusions the vast majority will be non neurotypical kids whose needs are not being met.

It's just not fucking good enough.

There are no mental health services to help unless you kids is actually killing themselves....

Bloody awful but yes we're Difficult parents.

For those struggling with getting EHCP / ASD Diagnosis...

I had DC’s ASD diagnosis done privately by a very very well known Paed who also works (in London) as part of the multi-disciplinary teams diagnosing ASD on the NHS.

She said the NHS system was a load of bollocks (I’m paraphrasing obviously) and was essentially deliberately designed to slow the whole process down because they are short on resources. In particular she felt that the level of evidence / box ticking requirements in the NHS system were designed to deny a diagnosis except in more severe cases because there are not the resources to go around to help all the DC who would get diagnosed. Apparently the EHCP system has the same problems, though I didn’t really ask about that.

blueberry I am surprised that your diagnoser was so unprofessional. I can't comment on London but I have worked for an autism diagnostic team elsewhere for 15 years. What this person said is absolutely not the case. The reason the process takes so long is not deliberate, it is entirely down to resources. 15 years ago my team had 50 referrals a year. Now we have 30 a month. We have no additional staffing to meet this sevenfold increase in referrals. We never use box ticking; we do however follow Nice guidelines of developmental history, observation in two settings, ADOS and, where needed, cognitive and speech therapy assessments. We never deny a diagnosis because of some sort of denying resources to diagnosed children agenda. That makes no sense in any case as resources are provided by education whereas diagnoses are done by health. The only children who don't get diagnoses are those who do not show difficulties within the triad. And yes we take special account if girls, we are aware of masking, etc. The sort of narrative that neurodevelopment teams are in some sort of collusion to deny diagnoses to needy children to prevent them from accessing resources (that would be paid by a completely different service) is incredibly damaging and pernicious and I take great offence at this person who spoke to you.

Yes we are underfunded; yes families wait too long. Yes sometimes we make a mistake in diagnosis. No we never ever casually decide not to diagnose a child because of some imaginary quota or some idea that if we diagnose this child they might need some funding. It's an outrageous slur.

Oldbirdy your post gives me hope that at least some of the system is on our side. Thank you, so much, for your professionalism.

I think people might mistake ‘drug abuse’ with the mothers who were prescribed sodium valproate for epilepsy during pregnancy.

This is an absolute scandal even if it is rare as it did result in children with an autism diagnosis due to in utero exposure to this drug.

It doesn’t take much to change a headline and imply all mothers were knocking back drugs, so you can see how misinformation can spread.

Medical negligence/ignorance obvs a whole big issue too.
There are children who have been removed who have special needs, because of neglect and abuse or other reasons, and their new families getting the difficult label.
Also children with m.e who's parents are supposed to be 'causing' or encouraging their absence from school
Is this the caring society, am I in the right place?

@Swizzlesticks23
Well, that was a result👍🏻

Pmsl