to think that someone is in for a bollocking tomorrow

[Worriedobsessive]

which they richly deserve!

Difficult families?

but also surely they are not difficult families but families in difficult situations

Some are families in difficult situations. Some will be difficult families. You think the kind of parents who tell their 3 year old to "shut the fuck up", can't be described as a difficult family just because they have a child with SEN?

No Brasty, and I’m repeating myself here: any type of family can be difficult. But as has been stated over and again on this thread, the wording of the ad shows the attitude of the LA towards families transferring from statement to EHCP. RTFT will you?

The reason we are difficult is because being reasonable gets you fobbed off.

In ds and dds case if they were diagnosed at a younger age then strategies would have been put in place and things wouldn't have escalated. There would have been less time spent fobbing me off. Less time spent dealing with on going issues and maybe at some point only seeing a SEN at senior school for a few minutes each week just to check in than the 15 minutes to help him read each day.
Because ds couldn't read or write and was unable to do the homework he was kept in every break untill he finished it. This involved a teacher giving up their break and lunchtime to sit in a room with ds who stared at a blank piece of paper the whole time.

The issue is akin to the NHS treatment I received for hip pain that kept me off work for 5 years.
If a few hundred pounds had been spent giving me an MRI I would have been diagnosed with slipped discs. I could have my treatment and I would have been on my way.

However instead I must have cost the NHS tens of thousands in consultants fees sickness benefit, physio therapy etc on what amounted to guess work because it was the cheapest option

15 minutes after I had seen a osteopath privately I was booking my mri. And 3 hours later after she had worked on my spine the excruriating pain I had been in for 5 years went for 1 hour.

brasty You are either being deliberately disingenuous or you have a knowledge of the law derived from the circle of Daily Mail readers that you swap headlines and anecdotes with.

If you read the thread, you can take the opportunity to inform yourself - always a good thing to widen one's knowledge, surely?

If you don't read the thread you are clearly deliberately disingenuous or you are one of those people who love to wallow - like a happy, ignorant pig - in the mud of ignorance. Nothing much wrong with being a pig-person - indeed, there is much to commend it on an individual level; I'm sure it makes for a more comfortable life - however, it is pretty awful when the pig-people start oinking about the stuff they have chosen to know nothing about.

They system is stacked against us. They even have us arguing about neglectful parents on a thread about children and adults with sn and sen.
Ffs the ad is clearly not aiming for a soneone to work with abusive people. I fail to see the relevance of your points brasty

Perhaps we should all just try harder, eh Brasty? To see that SEN parents ARE abusive and difficult, and that’s what makes the kids odd? Chew on my

I have yet to find a parent of a child with SEN who was not treated as if they were a "difficult parent".

I have. I've met two. Both who's faces 'fit' and who staff members were always falling over themselves to please.

DS was recently diagnosed after five very long years. We did parenting course after parenting course. Saw professional after professional. We did Camhs. Again and Again. We changed schools. DS settled. DS had to go and see Camhs again. The first thing the assessor said to DSs Paed in their letter? "It was clear to me in the first assessment that JonSnowsDS was on the spectrum".

We have already been told by the SENs here that all the meetings for the EHCPs have taken place and the next wont be until Spring. so even if we did go ahead and had to challenge it it'd likely be the end of the academic year before anything was established anyway.

JonSnowswife that’s unlawful, and you can do the application yourself. They HAVE to stick to the 20 week deadline.

We have already been told by the SENs here that all the meetings for the EHCPs have taken place and the next wont be until Spring.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean? Who are SENs? so you mean the SENCo from the school or staff from the LEA's Statutory Assessment team?

Do you mean EHCP transfer review meetings or statutory assessments?

JonSnowsWife. Agree they are being unlawful. They are fobbing you off, hoping you will go away.

Apply for an EHC Needs Assessment yourself. It tells you everything here.

www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/ehc-needs-assessments

I’m a difficult parent. I’ve been told that, directly, by mote than one professional over the years.

I’ve been told:

That my child’s needs are not as severe as other children’s needs

That I am not entitled to ask for ‘gold standard’ services for my child, and should accept what everyone is offered (ie nothing)

That I should be happy that I have got a ‘superior’ school provision for my child, and therefore should not ask for more services

That if I chose to continue fighting for the provision for my child, several other families would lose out on provision for their children, because what I was asking for was so expensive

That I shouldn’t bother trying to get a diagnosis for my child, as they are so good at masking/I am so good at meeting their needs they won’t even get past the first stage

That my child is not entitled to a service for X difficulty, because he does not have an EHCP.

Oh, I could go on forever.

I am not a difficult person. I am unfailingly polite, usually wouldn’t say boo to a goose. I also generally do an awful lot of the work myself, and would often be happy with information (accurate and full, not biased and designed to fob off rather than help).

I do hate being taken for a fool, though. And I really hate being lied to by people whose job it is to (apparently) help.

I have 3 dc with SN. My eldest has severe autism and learning difficulties, and is now in a SN school with full time 1:1 specialised provision. When I first applied for a statement for her (many years ago), we were offered ‘up to 5 hours access to support within a mainstream setting’. She was non-verbal, incontinent, with challenging behaviours - how was that ever supposed to work?! I gained her statement after years of chasing, tear her, and not insignificant financial outlay. It took me 3 years, instead of the legal framework of 6 months. And that’s with a clear cut case (dd1 is 13 now, and still working at pre-school levels academically in some areas) of needing support. My other 2 dc ‘just’ have autism (no significant cognitive delays), and getting support for them would be unlikely to say the least.

That statement, which took years past the legal timeline, was only gained because I phoned daily asking for updates on X panel or Y decision, otherwise months would roll by with the case worker not bothering to contact me. If you don’t become that ‘difficult’ parent and chase things up, you don’t even make it to panel most of the time.

Even at my younger 2 dc’s school, I am seen as ‘that’ parent. Because I will fight for their needs. And I require IEPs to actually be SMART (what’s the point, otherwise?), and I ask for reasonable adjustments to take into account sensory issues, and I repeatedly help my dc find ways to be comfortable at school, and comfortable talking to their teachers.

I am frequently seen as difficult. And most of the other parents I know from school see me as someone ‘not afraid to speak out’ and someone who is happy to rock the boat.

I’m not ‘happy’ to do it, but I will do it if my children need me too.

And I will continue to require LAs to work within the law to meet my dc’s needs.

We are persistent, well-informed and determined.
We are not difficult.

Panda

Just remember, if they're calling you difficult, you're doing your (parenting) job really well.

Thanks, Battleax. It honestly doesn't bother me anymore.

As you say, it's my job. And if I'm going to do a job, I'm going to do it well.

I just wish that persistence, and 'difficult' actually paid off, and meant provision of services at a point when they are needed and useful, rather than years too late (meaning the issues created take many more years to overcome).

Appuskiddu sorry I mean the LA. I was told this recently as DS has got worse since starting back to school, and someone IRL advised me to contact someone. They told me the LA had already held the meetings for this year. So sorry it's not me lying it's me being gullible clearly!

Worriedobsessive and Ellie56 thankyou I will take it further sorry tk hijack your thread.

There's nothing wrong with the phrase "difficult families."

It doesn't mean all families are difficult.

It's not even saying they are wrong to be "difficult", though it's inevitable that when dealing with the public some people will unreasonably difficult, and it's not unreasonable for a job advert to point that out. Doesn't matter whether it is usual or not to point it out for a job working with the public, it's a relevant fact that they can choose to include.

My job description/person spec states the post holder needs “emotional resilience and the ability to deal effectively with challenging behaviours”. What it really means is “don’t cry when you have to deal with dickheads”

Appuskiddu sorry I mean the LA. I was told this recently as DS has got worse since starting back to school, and someone IRL advised me to contact someone. They told me the LA had already held the meetings for this year. So sorry it's not me lying it's me being gullible clearly!

I didn't imagine you were lying!
I'm still confused though. Does your child have a statement and is transferring it across?

Outcomes meetings are held throughout the year according to need. If you've submitted a request for a statutory assessment, the LEA must reply.

He has neither. He wasn't diagnosed until September. School said there was only so much they could put in place for him until they had the official dx letter for him. Which they now have.

It's not the families that are difficult, it's the situation.

I am a mh social worker, hospital based, working with both adult and camhs patients. I am used to working with families going through really, really bad situations. I am used to hearing -dickheads other practitioners describe them as "difficult", a horrible, loaded phrase which sites the problems with the suffering families rather than the shitty system, flavours the relationship, influences the way people are regarded and communicated with and involved.

I am also a parent of a child diagnosed with emotional and behavioural needs, who has to be "difficult" in advocating for and supporting him. Families get described as "difficult" for not being quiet and smiling and accepting whatever inadequate rubbish is sent their way, for pointing out inaccuracies and failings and needs, for chasing promised assessments and plans and provision, for highlighting failures and gaps, for putting their child's needs first. You think I don't know what is said about me, when I am usually on the other side of the table, hearing it said about others? You think I can't read expressions and body language? I'm not fucking stupid. I know.

This ad could have stated that "you will need the ability to communicate, build effective relationships and work with families experiencing difficult situations". That would have been fine. But the ad as written is so far from fine that it leaves me gobsmacked that anyone is defending it.

Thanks for not reading the thread firesuit

JonSnowswife you haven’t hijacked! Hang in there!