to think that someone is in for a bollocking tomorrow

[Worriedobsessive]

which they richly deserve!

Difficult families?

Looking at this objectively I think people are being over-sensitive. A job description for a bank could say "be able to deal with difficult customers" which does not assume that ALL customers are difficult just that some may be and you must be prepared.

How many adverts for nurses, shop workers, lawyers, teachers, bank clerks, estate agents etc do you see where there is a requirement that they be able to deal with difficult people? Yet they all work with the public.

Ceto I've just done a random Google search for nurses and the second job vacancy I found said: "Able to deal with conflict". Is that too assuming that ALL patients are conflictive? Of course not! Just that it may arise (as in all customer-facing jobs) because people can be difficult (whether they have an SEN child or not).

I feel the use of 'difficult families' or 'challenging' is not a good start for any new employee, surely 'families dealing with difficult/challenging situations' would make the point. The wording implies institutionalised negative views on the families they are supposed to be supporting!

So how about some random google searches for estate agents and shop assistants, LadyDeLaFuente?

Do you think that maybe those nurse adverts were for jobs in places such as A&E where you are more likely to get, for instance, drunks, people with mental health difficulties, and people making a fuss about having to wait a long time? So if there is a recognition that certain nursing jobs involve a higher proportion of difficult people, do you think that says anything about the perception of parents of children with SEN and disabilities?

Able to deal with conflict
That is completely different as it is not personalised to any particular group. The role being discussed is different as it is specific to send families.

Ceto You make a good point. I also get that noone wants to be considered "difficult" for merely fighting to get the care and attention they deserve. I also agree that the wording could have been better.

However, I do feel that when you are working with people who are fraught with worry, not being given what they deserve, being given bad news, etc, it can result in more conflictive situations (e.g in nurse, case worker roles, etc). I am not for a second blaming the parents, rather the stressful situation.

I can see how you may feel that "difficult families" appears to blame the parents. I just like to think that they meant sometimes families can be difficult so they need to have skills to deal with them. But maybe I'm giving them too much credit!

How sad that this narrative of "difficult families" is so entrenched that people assume the families must ACTUALLY BE DIFFICULT.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently because it is so similar to the narrative that those who are sexually harassed or assaulted must have been "asking for it".

Of course that's complete bollocks, and yet we have all gone along with it for so long that we have just accepted it without question. It has been that powerful at allowing people to abuse their power and get away with it in plain sight.

And in the same way we all just went along with the narrative that those seeking justice after Hillsboro' must be troublemakers. Because unless it affected you personally you would have no way of knowing.

As a parent who's child needed a statement of SEN this was really isolating. It's already pretty isolating to be in the position where your child need this support. Children with SEN get bullied more than most, and excluded socially in most communities. Being branded a "difficult family" - and it's clear from this thread that this perception is out there - adds to this isolation.

@Ceto is right and @blue25 the issue is that parents of children with SEN are painted as "difficult" and treated as if they are "difficult" and because of that they are ignored, demonised, given the run around, lied to. None of us is doing anything more than asking people who are paid to help our children, to actually do their jobs.

I have yet to find a parent of a child with SEN who was not treated as if they were a "difficult parent". I have only met one person doing the job EVER who seemed to have the interests of children as a priority. She didn't last long before she went back to a school where she was allowed to make a positive difference in children's lives.

This advert is an indication of just how broken the system is.

No parent of a child with SEN would be surprised that this is how some LAs see us. But at least we thought it was one of the things we don't actually say out loud.

The reaction of those of you who presumably haven't had the misfortune to use the services of an LA SEND team shows otherwise.

The advert demonstrates institutional discrimination. In advance of a person being employed they clearly state 'dealing with difficult families', you can only make assumptions then about their training; is it to listen to issues in order to help families in difficult situations, or 'deal with them'?

Well said OhNoFuckADuck.

Quite simply unless you have a child with SEN, you are unlikely to have experienced local authority ineptitude, indifference, and complete ignorance of SEN legislation, alongside seemingly deliberate and continual delaying tactics.

Parents who challenge such unacceptable and unlawful practices are invariably considered to be "difficult", but all they are doing is forcing the LA to do what they should be doing to meet their children's needs.

My son was out of education for over a year, and his mental health suffered as a result, while we battled with the LA to issue an EHCP and make appropriate provision for him. We had to appeal to the Tribunal twice and the LA backed down both times, because they knew they didn't have a leg to stand on. Hundreds of other families in our area were, and still are, similarly affected.

Sadly, being "difficult" seems to be the only way to get LAs to fulfil their statutory duties.

Well said ceto. So many people missing the point.

I can see the LGO doing brisk business by Easter. The LAs consider them "difficult" too gawd bless 'em.

@LadyDeLaFuente it is touching that you like to think that they meant sometimes families can be difficult so they need to have skills to deal with them. But in my experience you are giving them too much credit!

I was full and hope, confidence and trust that my son would get the help he needed once I had paid privately and found out about his learning difficulties. Like you I thought the teams of people at the LA who told me they would organise the support he needed would do so, because that's their job and they said they would.

But they didn't. They fobbed my off, lied, avoided their responsibilities, broke the law, (repeatedly) and did everything they could to bully me into going away and giving up on getting him the help he needed.

It was probably the worst part of being the parent of a child who needs support. The slow dawning realisation that values I thought were the shared values of our society were just a sham. A thin veneer so we can all pretend we are civilised enough to look out for those who need it. The safety net I thought was there to catch those who needed it was just a cobweb. It's pretty devastating to find that out. At least it was for me.

'deal with difficult families'

If said person isn't my DSs old senco then they're certainly related!

Being able to deal with conflict is not the same as unwittingly or on purpose, describing sens parents as 'difficult'.

Somebody probably wont get a bollocking as disabilism is the fucking social norm in this country. And on mn.

I also don’t see the problem. The advert does not give sweeping generalisations.
I would imagine most of the families are Difficult. Very.
I know school considered me very difficult.

Yes. It’s ‘telling’. But why does it that surprise us?

I had hoped this was a hoax. Very saddening that it's true and not a surprise to many.

I would imagine most of the families are Difficult. Very.

But they're not are they? I was viewed as difficult because I was pursuing support for my DS. I was never rude, nothing but polite in all of the meetings we had, and sat through bring treated as if I was the thickest twat that ever walked this earth, despite the stuff being thrown at me by the very staff that should have known better, I never rose to it.

Oblomov, there is an obvious difference between a school or LA perceiving a family as difficult, and that family actually being difficult.

Yy to Ceto and fuckaduck
It might be a good thing that this ad was worded like that if it means that others can see the sort of discrimination familes with SEN . I might be clutching at straws here but i really dont think that most people have a clue how fucking soul destroying it is to constantly fight for any crumbs. When our children are entitled to tbe whole fucking loaf.
The system isnt fit for purpose so let's bash the people complaining about it. Same old same old.

Familues with SEN face on a daily basis sorry for missing text.

Families in difficulties would be better surely?

The system almost by definition does not provide what is needed. So vulnerable people go without.

This advert places the blame for that on the vulnerable, rather than on the system.

To be honest I do not think I am difficult. I am engaged and concerned about my child. I want them to be happy and to make progress. I am always polite and respectful to school and la staff. I wait a long time when chasing up delays. My sons ehc plan was six months late and I continued to be polite. In any other context this would be seen as being a good supportive parent. As a parent of a child with sn it seems to make me either difficult or a family in difficulty. What a load of crap.

No I actually disagree with JonSnow. Families are difficult. Generally. They want what they know they are entitled to. They are more knowledgeable.
The person, (this job) is fighting an uphill battle, all the time, every day, pressure being put on them by their boss, to not give anything, (because it all costs. Money. ££££££££) to not agree to anything.

The whole thing is just nasty, unpleasant, not easy. it’s just a constant battle.

some other jobs are really quite unpleasant generally. Struggling to think of any examples ...... if you sit in the complaints department and deal with the higher complaints only? most angry people, every day and that’s all you did?