Sister using pronoun they...

[Merida83]

To describe my 7 week old dd!
AIBU to be pissed off and to insist she refers to my DD by female only pronouns.

Pengggwn

The problem with this is it happens all the time. With monotonous regularity.

People come onto these kinds of threads and claim either the thread, or a poster, or mumsnet in general is transphobic.

When asked to back up the claim, they either provide examples of things that are not transphobic, or resolutely refuse to engage any further.

Because of the vast amount of times that this happens, most people have concluded that the word transphobic is meaningless and largely used to shut down discussion. As people don’t like to be accused of something, it can sometimes be effective.

But when you actually start talking about what constitutes transphobia, it’s quite obvious that the word is generally used as a tactic. Not an actual description of what people say or think.

Pengggwn do you understand that the word transphobic is frequently used to shut down debate?

If you don't think people are being transphobic on this thread why bring it up?

Given this context are you really surprised if people pull you up on the use of the word, especially in a context where no one is being transphobic but we are trying to talk about trans issues?

If your intent is not to shut people down, may I suggest you don't say it if you can't handle being challenged on it, and no one is actually being transphobic!

Datun criss posts!

She doesn't mean transphobic. She means "not sufficiently pandering to a tiny number of activists who try to stifle conversation and force us all into bizarre linguistic and biological knots to suit their own agenda".

Yes exactly. I hear with monotonous regularity that MN is transphobic, but when challenged no poster has EVER justified with specifics. Not once. They either disappear or get stupidity defensive and weird about it. Pretty much every thread about trans issues somebody turns up saying 'oh you transphobes, you', then buggers off without the courtesy of engaging. I find it bizarre that people care enough to post on a debate, but then refuse to actually engage. You do know that being asked to justify your views is not some weird quirk of ours? It's how intelligent debate usually operates. 'Its my opinion, so fuck off' is just idiotic.

tbh I suspect this specific situation is a bit if a non-problem, OP

it's your baby, she will take her cue from you, she will be surrounded by other people who presumably do as you do, your sister will just be AuntyBatshit who is a bit of an attention seeker but as nobody pays any attention it doesn't really matter

by age 3 or so you can confidently expect your dd to laugh and say "don't be silly, AuntyBatshit"

I really wouldn't keep her away from the family on that score

I don't find MN transphobic. I think women are waking up to what is going on, think it's dangerous, and are taking a stand, digging our heels in, if you like. I don't think that's transphobic but trying to retain the rights that have been hard fought for to date, which shouldn't just be ceded without a fight. Unfortunately, that will come over "if you're not for us [i.e. trans people], you're against us". What are we expected to do - just roll over?

I hate what is happening as per that link Pencilsinspace posted. It's like common sense has gone out the window and we're being being expected to dance to the tune of people in power and their agenda. The proposed Gender bill changes are very harmful.

Nope, never, full stop.

They all behave exactly like you do, if they even stick around. It's like lobbing a grenade in to a room then looking round and saying 'what?! You got a problem?'

I would just ignore certain people and their dull, goady grandstanding. It's clearly fun to call people bigots without having to justify it. OP you have my sympathy.

Calling people transphobic and then refusing to say why or give a single example is just epic goady fuckery.

It's everybodys issue. you accused us all, en masse, of transphobia, without anything to back it up or explain it.
It's not ok to do that. You wouldn't do it anywhere but here, you wouldn't dare. So either take it back or back it up.

Pengggwn

I’ve had a brief look back at the beginning of the thread and the first few posts you wrote.

I might be wrong, but I get the feeling that you may have boxed yourself into a corner that you were unaware was there.

Mumsnet is one of the few places where the trans-ideology is discussed openly. It has the effect of drilling down into the ideology and many people are finding it worrying.

Accusations of transphobia are definitely used to shut down discussion. That might be something that you were unaware of. And therefore hadn’t realised quite how loaded your comment looked.

If you are unaware of the issues around the ideology, and the upcoming laws, can I urge you just to check out some threads on the FWR boards and a few elsewhere on AIBU.

This is something that affects women everywhere. Once you’ve had a look, if you disagree, then that’s obviously, your prerogative.

But, I will say, very, very many women started as you. Wanting to be inclusive and kind. But then realised exactly what is at stake.

And I 'wouldn't dare'? Laughing quite loudly here

Yes, I imagine you are cackling away to yourself. But no, you wouldn't walk into a room in work and say "I think this establishment is terribly racist" and then walk out, would you? And then when people asked what you mean just say "I don't have to answer to you, you're paranoid anyway if you think I meant you"

You wouldn't dare be such a monumental jackass unless hiding behind your screen.

Perfect analogy, hotmilk.

Pengggwn

It’s your prerogative to behave how you wish. But then don’t be surprised if you get pushback.