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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cousin Marrying a man from Nigeria

141 replies

Mrsmadevans · 04/11/2017 22:48

I had a message this evening from my cousin who is quite stupid. Not based on this problem but on previous behaviour. She has met the love of her life who comes from Nigeria. I am very sceptical however it is her choice her life and her very clever sister knows all about it and is there for her. My cousin is very upset because my mum , her only auntie left, has been very damning to her, told her he only wants to marry her for a passport etc etc. I am of the mindset that even if she marries him she will have an uphill battle to get him a citizenship here. She was very upset over my mums words to her, my mum can be a tactless evil old cow when she wants to be and I can imagine what she said to her. I feel like this really , it isn't any of our business my mum needs to back off and wish her the best of luck and to stay in touch with her , one to be able to be there to support her if it does go tits up and two if it is genuine mum will want to be involved . I told my cousin not to take any notice to look after herself and to report in with her clever sis often while she was in Nigeria getting married. I am wondering wtf I can say to my mum to make her stfu to my cousin . Any advice please or shall I just say nothing and let them both get on with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 05/11/2017 12:19

Cousins parents are both dead and I think they would be fine about it if they were here tbh they were very nice people they lived for their children. Not at all like my viper tongued DM!!!

OP posts:
BlackBanana · 05/11/2017 12:22

If you aren’t very bright you are more likely to be scammed or taken advantage of evidence?

Oh come on. You need evidence? How about some common sense?

Achoopichu · 05/11/2017 12:30

This sounds very bad. And very sad for her.

Perhaps some practical questions might help? Eg whether there’s any foreign office advice? Apart from the mass kidnappings there’s been a recent kidnapping of four missionaries. Might she be going to an area considered dangerous?

Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 05/11/2017 12:39

Great news my clever cousin has got back to me very quickly! I am so relieved . She has been talking to him for 18 months she has spoken to his family his mum his workmates and he is going to move his job over here to be with her. Phew I am so relieved I just hope they can be very happy . Thank you all for your help and concerns I really appreiate it , off to tell my um a few home truths my clever cousin told me to try to build bridges because she knows how racist my mum is !!! What can I say except she speaks the truth she is a nasty woman!

OP posts:
hmmwhatatodo · 05/11/2017 12:40

Ok the whole thing is a total farce but how does she think she will pay for her living costs and fund her medical bills if she moves over there ? She doesn’t believe he will pay does she?

ShellyBoobs · 05/11/2017 12:42

He’s going to move his job over here, is he?

Confused
hmmwhatatodo · 05/11/2017 12:42

Oh well in that case it all sounds fantastic and no worries at all.

Lunde · 05/11/2017 12:42

She seems to be living in a fantasy world

  • she only has a couple of weeks of knowing him in person - like a short holiday romance
  • she doesn't have any money to sponsor his Visa into the UK (which is probably what he is looking for)
  • what would she live on if she moved to Nigeria?
  • you say she has health issues? does she even have medical insurance for her trip? Is she expecting free treatment in Nigeria?
  • Has she insisted on blood tests - as a PP has said HIV is common which would only add to her medical issues
hmmwhatatodo · 05/11/2017 12:43

(🤔)

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 05/11/2017 12:44

I believe you have to be earning over £18K for a spouse visa so he can't move to the uk.

LIZS · 05/11/2017 12:45

They've spoken for 18 months but he has a 22 mo child Hmm Not sure I'd be feeling so reassured.

hmmwhatatodo · 05/11/2017 12:46

So what is his job?

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 05/11/2017 12:46

Ah right, just re read Blush guess if he's going to get a work visa that's different...

PaintingByNumbers · 05/11/2017 12:47

Hilarious update, yeah, no worries at all .....

Ah well, it is what it is

MorrisZapp · 05/11/2017 12:49

Everyone should have a clever sister.

Limer · 05/11/2017 12:49

I've just read this thread with mounting alarm. OP, this is a classic scam. I can't believe you're relieved??? You should be horrified.

Lunde has listed what you need to be concerned about as the barest minimum, plus what's happening to the 22-month-old child?

CleanWaterPlease · 05/11/2017 12:52

Oh no! I know Nigeria very well and she is living in cloud cuckoo land. There is no health service and certainly not like the NHS! You buy your own drugs, injections, swab, bandages you name it. There is shortage of electricity in the hospitals and quite often patients lie in wards in total darkness. Diesel is terribly expensive.

Hardly any companies relocate their staff abroad (he should be so lucky!) joining spouses abroad would be the least of any nigerian company’s concern. She has not been speaking to his mother etc on the phone the whole thing is complete set up and they’re probably pissing themselves laughing. Nigerian Muslims or otherwise do not look for brides online, plenty available in Nigeria.

If she goes through with this she will suffer greatly.

hmmwhatatodo · 05/11/2017 12:53

I’m sorry op, don’t mean to laugh, but your last message reads as if ‘stupid cousin’ logged in as you to end this story on a happy note. It reads like a school child couldn’t be bothered to think of a good ending for her story and was in a rush so just added in a random ‘ happily ever after’ bit so she could rush off and watch tv.

If he is in a position to just bring his job over here, why didn’t he do that already? No doubt something will happen to scupper his moving plans at the last minute, but don’t worry, clever cousin will have it all figured out.

hmmwhatatodo · 05/11/2017 12:55

And yes, it’s highly likely that the friends and family she has been speaking to are not as they seem.

Moanyoldcow · 05/11/2017 12:55

22 month child but 18 month relationship? I wouldn't be reassured at all.

'Very clever' sister doesn't sound it I'm afraid. This whole thing is a mess. I hope your cousin isn't hurt or damaged too badly.

PortiaCastis · 05/11/2017 12:59

There's a Nigerian bloke who keeps e- mailing me and says he's a prince but that's also a scam

viques · 05/11/2017 12:59

"he is going to be moving his job over here"

Do you mean that a) he is getting sponsored to move by an existing UK based company ? That's OK, but he will be on a working visa, not a marriage visa. To get married she has to prove that she can support him , which if she is on benefits she clearly can't.

Or b) that he is planning to move and do his 'own' job over here. I think he will find that a bit tricky! I don't think you can rock up at border control and say I am moving here with my own company, otherwise everyone would do it. You have to prove financial security, company viability and integrity etc etc.Almost impossible to get permission to work if you are not legally sponsored and indemnified by an existing UK company who can't recruit anyone from the UK to do the job. If he comes in on a visitor visa he can't work, even self employed, and certainly can't marry.

so neither scenario works. I think you need to start worrying again.

ptumbi · 05/11/2017 13:02

'Stupid cousin'

'Clever cousin'

Viper mum

Nigerian

22 month old

All seems a bit - 2d.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/11/2017 13:02

You are very nasty about your Mum who sounds the only sane one to be honest. I’m sure if I was in the cousins position I’d think your Mum was not very nice too but I’m confused as to why you think that. Also quite a rushed last post. If he plans to come over how will he see his child? Doesn’t sound great to me.

eeanne · 05/11/2017 13:03

This is a scam. Something very similar happened to my friend, my friend was working in West Africa and her boyfriend of 3 weeks proposed and she was swept up in the romance of it. A few months later she found he was online dating multiple European/North American women, had proposed to another as well. Most of the women online were in their 40s and he was in his 20s (as was my friend). When confronted he said it was just about money and passports but she was his true love Hmm

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