Cousin Marrying a man from Nigeria

[Mrsmadevans]

I had a message this evening from my cousin who is quite stupid. Not based on this problem but on previous behaviour. She has met the love of her life who comes from Nigeria. I am very sceptical however it is her choice her life and her very clever sister knows all about it and is there for her. My cousin is very upset because my mum , her only auntie left, has been very damning to her, told her he only wants to marry her for a passport etc etc. I am of the mindset that even if she marries him she will have an uphill battle to get him a citizenship here. She was very upset over my mums words to her, my mum can be a tactless evil old cow when she wants to be and I can imagine what she said to her. I feel like this really , it isn't any of our business my mum needs to back off and wish her the best of luck and to stay in touch with her , one to be able to be there to support her if it does go tits up and two if it is genuine mum will want to be involved . I told my cousin not to take any notice to look after herself and to report in with her clever sis often while she was in Nigeria getting married. I am wondering wtf I can say to my mum to make her stfu to my cousin . Any advice please or shall I just say nothing and let them both get on with it?

Oh wow another one who thinks it will be different for her!

Stay out of it unless anyone asks you to intervene. If your mother rants to you, tell her you think she should mind her own business.

Does he need the bank details of herself and family in order to unlock the millions from his uncle or something like that scam.

Sorryyyy.

cathyclown Sat 04-Nov-17 23:35:38
Does he need the bank details of herself and family in order to unlock the millions from his uncle or something like that scam.

Sorryyyy.

What a very strange post. Why on earth would you ask that? Me thinks you are stereotyping too much.

user,149 etc.

LOL at your innocence.

One of the loveliest families I ever met was from Nigeria. And my (now ex) husband as from another West African country and after marriage and two children told me in no uncertain terms that he only used me for a permanent UK visa and had no intention of being in a relationship with me. (young naive fool that I was at the time). The thing is, it is unlikely that she is going to listen to anybody telling her not to marry him so there is little you can do. Cross your fingers and hope that he is genuine, and if not, be there to support her when it all falls apart

I think it is very worrying to be marrying someone you have known for two weeks only.

Because I don't think time online 'counts'.

Yes, scammers operate like this - and I say that based on his actions, not his current whereabouts/presumed nationality.

Does she have assets/savings?

Maybe your mum is truly worried for her niece? I have nieces and would be very upset at them planning to marry someone they only knew online. Your cousins situation sounds very odd and suspicious. Perhaps her Aunt is just looking out for her.
Of course you could all just mind your own business and watch her make a bad mistake, or you could express concern.

I can’t believe there are actually people who think it’s a straightforward, genuine marriage of two people because they are in love.

Anyway, he’s got a young child in Nigeria, so presumably he’ll want to stay there and she’ll move over there with him?

That’s what he will be expecting, surely.

He has a one month old child and he's looking online for an English wife? Dodgy af. She is a twit, but it's her life. Your mum might be a viper, but in all likelihood, is probably quite right. I don't know what your issue is.

Regardless of where he is from, she shouldn't be marrying someone after 2 weeks. Does she want to live in Nigeria? Because unless she has a lot of money, they are not going to be able to move to the UK.

I think your mum was right to speak out to be honest. This is obviously a sham marriage and your cousin could get very hurt. Your mum should stay out of it now that she's said her piece though. But if I were you I wouldn't just be supportive and accepting, I'd be very clear with your cousin what your concerns are but let her know you'll be there for her.

I agree it is the only knowing for two weeks and the young stepchild that would concern me.

Well you just have to stay out of it.

Nothing you say will make a difference anyway!

Personally I would be massively sceptical of any relationship planning marriage after a two weeks visit, whether that's to Nigeria or Milton Keynes. And yes I do get that they would need to be married for him to join her here, but-!

A big tell, as others have said, is whether he's going to be the one asking HER to move there so that he can maintain a close relationship with his child. If it transpires that he wants to move here, I'd certainly be raising this and pointing out that perhaps that doesn't make him such a caring family man and a good bet as a husband.

Who knows though!

Also Nigeria has high levels of HIV so they should both be tested.

Does she earn over £18600? Not counting overtime or bonuses. If not he won’t get into the UK. Even if he has a good job himself.

madness. Beg her not to give him all her money.

Is he a prince with millions of dollars he needs to deposit in her account?

That's not even funny. I hate stereotypes like this

I’d rather have a family member say something that may cause her to rethink than to watch her go blindly into a situation that could go horribly wrong very soon. None of this sounds good at all. I cannot believe some women fall for this when they barely know the other person.

Is she vulnerable , naive or just easily influenced? Tbh she will believe whatever she wants to believe and there will be little you can do to protect her. Has she been asked to take money or goods? Maybe if you spoke to her sister you might understand more of the background. It does sound very dubious and there is probably an expectation that it is easy to immigrate through marriage.

Well if a member of my family were marrying a man from a different country who she's met for only two weeks in total, and who has a baby I would be worried and think she was crazy.

It is irrelevant where he is from.
No one genuinely agrees after having met someone online after 2 weeks and having never met in person.
It’s a scam and your niece sounds vulnerable.
Online scams rely on people with below average intelligence and who are trusting.
You can only support and advise. Your mother is right.

Have some of you never heard of nigerian scam artists or something? Nigeria is the pioneer of this type of scam, the old classic being 'the prince' letter. Hence the comments.
Op, I guess there are two paths: one, tell her to her face (your mum); two, talk about her behind her back (your approach) and be supportive to her face. Personally, I dont see one as being better than the other, just different.
I always wondered how you divorce and if you have to share assets in cases like these. Does anyone know?

It is quite possible that he already has a wife in Nigeria that he has no intention of leaving, too.

He may convince her that they will both live in their respective counties 'for now' so he can raise his child, but then expect financial assistance, as 'we are married now'
The whole scenario sounds dodgy. Even if you remove the fact he's from Nigeria.