AIBU to not want to be called by my nick name by a man

[Snafu1988]

There is this guy I have known for quite a while but we have never been close. He is a friend of a relative and also friends with relatives of my husband. I already have known him before I was married, first met him when I was 15.
He called him by my first name and or nickname then I already I did not like it but only told him mich later when we met again, when I basically told him I was 19 (back then) and thought he should call me by family name. He called me by my last name then.
Years later we met again and he called me by my first name or nickname (and sometimes also last name)
Years later we met again and he calls me by my first name and nick name and the last name I used to have before we married. Now I asked him to call him by my real last name.

He basically told me he was good friends with the X family (my husbands family) and that they all have the same last name. Calling me by that name would make no sense, because he calls nobody from the X family by his last name as there are so many of them. My husband is from a real big family.

To make it short: I am not happy with this, it feels too intimate. I am not even sure why I am so much opposed to the idea but there is something about our relationship that just makes me feel like I do not want to be called by my first name by him. Cannot really put it into words. AIBU?

Oh naff off with the 'not respecting her culture' shiz. This poster sounds articulate and intelligent yet came onto a UK parenting site famous for its brutally direct posters and with no explanation whatsoever asked us about European hand kissing and forms of address?

Aye right.

And click his heels whilst he does it.

You can’t control what he calls you

You can control him kissing your hand, by not extending it.

So all I have to do is dry a swamp and I'm Gentry?

OP, this is a British based parenting website, how the bleeding hell do you expect us to know about the intricacies of out dated European customs??

Or have ancestors serve in the military for centuries. I’m thinking OP is minor German Junker aristocracy.

And also, none of my Austrian or German relatives have ever kissed my hand - maybe they aren't gentry enough.
The point is OP whatever culture you come from you do NOT have to put up with being touched by a man when you don't want to, tell him to stop and avoid him

Leaving aside all the stuff about swamps and European gentry, the bottom line is that women do not have to allow themselves to be kissed by insistent men. It sounds like this man insists on physical contact and a level of familiarity that makes you uncomfortable ; you are perfectly at liberty to keep your hands out of his way and to say no ( or no thank you if you are trying to maintain polite relations) .

The name issue is trickier without knowing more details - can you call him by a similarly informal name rather than eg Mr Jones?

Oh FFS, everyone, stop being such a bunch of chippy, self-righteous peasants to OP. She's being creeped out by an entitled, nasty, probably predatory man and asking for help.

Snafu, I get that it's difficult when you have been brought up with a certain set of conventions, and are still surrounded by people who abide by them (and probably a culture where abuse of women is covered up, as well). With the names, it's probably best to stop reacting, because this dickhead knows full well it annoys you, and is doing it for the fun of seeing you react. With the hand kissing, you have had good advice from other posters. I also appreciate that you don't want to cause your H any more stress (but if he has combat-related PTSD you really, really need to make sure he gets proper help for it. It's a very dangerous condition, but it's also a curable one.)

LittleBearPad
Heel clicking is illegal in Germany ffs piss off with your racist drivel.

Continental gentry?! I've heard it all!!

Not RTFT, but are you enoying the hand-kissing or not?

Is he failing to kiss your hand when you feel he should be? Or kissing your hand when you feel he shouldn't?

As for the name, you can't really ask him to go from Jenny to Mrs Smith or whatever after all these years.

Avoid him if he gives you the creeps.

Get some really vile-tasting hand cream and apply liberally prior to meeting him. That should put a stop to the creepy hand kissing.

I'd just tell him that I prefer to be called Frau X or whatever, and would he please not use my first name. But then I'm a stroppy cow.

I want to be gentry. I have never dried a swamp or anything but one time I ate a pizza with a knife and fork and it made me feel gentry as fuck (kind of ruined the meal for me though)

Is it? Good to know thanks. Must have seen it in too many films.

Nancy91 you do sound vair posh, I have to say. Knife and fork for pizza

I bet you don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve either?!

No Shelly, I wipe it on the sleeves of inferior members of society

But not in Austria apparently where it’s still done by ‘old school’ gentlemen.

Not sure it’s racist either. The germans aren’t a race.

Stereotyping perhaps. Also bad.

OP, all this is very odd - are you sure it's not just you?

DH is from a "military background" which has gone in for generations. This does not make us "gentry". Nobody would even have a clue unless he told them.

Even people with titles don't consider themselves "gentry."

I'm "continental" (definitely not gentry) and I have never heard of anyone carrying on like this. I think there are less "class conventions" in Europe than in Britain. Admittedly, I am not Austrian or East- European, but even so .

There are creepy men in all walks of life. Tell your husband how he makes you feel and next time both of you could give him a death stare.

Are you perhaps Finnish as I believe there are a lot of swamps there?

Maybe the op is married to or the daughter of someone who is high up on the moliatary.

I know someone who was brought up like this abroad and the junior military/staff/men were shit scared of them and would call the family sir and miss. Bur this was on the 70s and 80s.

Continental European Gentry or not no one should have to do anything they are uncomfortable with. If you’ve asked him not to kiss your hand then he does not get to kiss your hand. Don’t let him bully you with his ‘oh but you’re so beautiful I must’ crap.
He is using your politeness against you to get away w

With being a pest. I think you should just give him a wide berth if you can, he sounds like a sleaze.

What language do you all speak together OP?

That really does make a difference, because calling people Mr or Mrs is so outdated in English, but completely different in some other languages.

It would also be really interesting to know which countries you're all from.

I think it would be very odd to insist on being called Mrs so and so after such a long time of knowing him.

The hand kissing is a different matter. You don't like it so he should stop doing it. Either assert yourself and tell him to stop or just stop offering him your hand.

And being 'old school' is not an excuse, just as being a 'dinosaur' isn't.