to think "Breastfeed if you can" would be a better message

[ringle]

... than "Breast is best".

I say this having start skimmed yet another thread where the OP was driven to post natal depression because of difficulties breast feeding.

PND is far more damaging to babies than formula.

What giles and gold said. Honestly, new mums don’t need more pressure heaped on them. Since my own BFing issues I notice how loaded the language is on this topic.

How about sending the message 'It's your choice, it really makes no difference'

I know WHO says until 2 years is best, but they are talking globally, and a lot of countries don't have clean drinking water so of course breast is better in those circumstances.

Breastfeeding is the biological norm. FF is a modern artificial alternative which is absolutely fine and a valid choice but women should be supported to breastfeed if they want to for as long as they want to.

"Breast is normal"? Works on two levels as normalises it while acknowledging it's the bio norm for our species of mammals. But potentially implies FF is abnormal / weird (statistically not the case in UK of course!)

There is a certain set of people who seem to think that breastfeeding is abnormal or bad for sone reason. The aggressive breastfeeding advice is targeted st this group in an attempt to improve bonding with their children etc. Unfortunately mothers who wouldn't particularly benefit from being told that they must breastfeed get caught in the cross fire and and take it to heart result in all kinds of problems. The health service should just be more honest about who they are trying to encourage to breastfeed and why. The majority of mothers don't need this pressure.

Portia do you actually know what a Nazi is? Ffs. Do you seriosly think someone saying 'breast is best' is akin to being a nazi?

No, because the vast majority of mums can breastfeed.

streetlife70 I am sorry that happened to you, that's awful. However, women who breastfeed are also bullied and told horrible things about their choice (it's disgusting, sexual, bad for baby etc etc). How about people just being kind to eachother instead?

Maybe “Formula is not poison” is needed.
I sometimes hear and read posts where people seem to think that giving formula is akin to giving coke and makes you a failure as a mother.

My babies would be dead if it wasn't for formula. If they were reliant in me they would not have lasted long

This a million times over, OP.

I tried to breastfeed my DD, who is now 2. It was ok at first but then started to get really painful over the first day or two. She was feeding a lot and my nipples were so sore and bleeding that they kept scabbing over. Then every time she attached, she took the scab off and they bled some more. About five days after she was born, she fed for 1 1/2 hours straight. She kept crying and pummelling her little fists on my boobs - I am 100% convinced I wasn't producing enough milk for her. I had horrendous PND and couldn't eat any food (I literally couldn't swallow, it was like I had a lump in my throat). I'm guessing that didn't help with my milk supply.

I'm pregnant again and have just received the NHS literature for my hospital. In it are gems like 'your body knows how much milk to produce' and 'your midwife will confirm that baby is attached properly so feeding won't hurt'. Two separate midwives at the hospital and my own community midwife repeatedly checked and confirmed my DD was attached properly. But it still hurt. My hungry little girl was definitely not getting enough milk either. I don't give a monkey's what the 'experts' say - I knew by how she behaved that was the case. It's an instinct.

I supplemented with formula and my DD fed and fed and fed. Then, literally after the first bottle, refused the boob. I persevered but she was having none of it. So that was that. My midwife was actually fantastic - she said 'well, we believe happy mummy = happy baby". Quite. More of this please!

There are two whole pages of the benefits of breast feeding, how you shouldn't give your baby anything else, how you just have to get attachment right and everything will fall into place, how your body and your baby know exactly what to do. No mention of possible issues and certainly no reference to bottle feeding or co-feeding. It makes me so angry! This is exactly why when it all went wrong for me I sobbed and sobbed for days about what a failure I was and how I had let my daughter down.

And you know what? The worst thing is that I feel I constantly have to justify why I had to switch to formula. Why should I? I should be able to say "My daughter was formula fed". End of. Nothing to go with anyone else.

Sorry this is so long and ranty. It just makes me SO MAD.

I think it should be something like 'all else being equal, breast is best' because while it does have benefits it's not the only factor - maternal mental health for example would I imagine have a bigger impact.

Equally, I think we shouldnt be telling new parents that good enough is ok. I fall short of 'best' 1000 times a day.

"Breastfeed if you can" is awful. It implies BFing is really hard. Young mums, poorer mums, more marginalized... already feel excluded by the messaging that breast is best and they feel substandard. A lot of people won't even try if the messaging is that BFing is hard.

How about offering support, advice, subsidizing pumps, bras and pillows, having really good lactation services?

Also, I work a lot with young mums and my message is, "I BF because I'm cheap, chubby and lazy". You get to sit on your arse, not make up bottles in the night, not have to measure things, don't worry about bottles and shit when you're out and the baby sucks the fat out of you. Hooray.

It works because it doesn't alienate people, means they know it gets easier and gives the actual benefits for the MUM not just guilt-inducing bullshit about the baby. Much easier to give yourself a break as well.

**Breastfeed if you want to. Don't if you don't.

This. In the western world with clean water and properly made up bottles there is zero difference in the health and wellbeing of bf and ff babies. The NHS website states that when social and economic factors are excluded, ie siblings are studied, there are no statistically significant differences in outcomes between bf and ff babies. If you want to BF and you and baby have a positive experience with it then great, it's free and convenient and many people find it a lovely bonding experience. But I cannot get my head around why so many women are driving themselves to depression and misery over bf and leaving babies screaming in hunger because they're so desperate not to give formula. How in the year 2017 is there a government policy to pressure women to do something with their breasts?! Stop and think about that for a minute!

I think that SteoAwayFromGoogke raising important issues. The advice needs to be less one sided and provide more trouble shooting including When breastfeeding is not best And How to tell that you are not making enough milk

No, because the vast majority of mums can breastfeed

I agree with you we should all be kinder to each other. However, I am starting to think the above statement is no longer true.
I recently read a study which suggests we are losing the ability to do so, particularly in The West and our biological make up is changing.

There hasn’t been a proper scientific study and probably won’t be for ethical reasons looking into this. The studies available only look at basic physiology and conclusions have been drawn that say ‘most woman can’

Yet increasingly we read / hear more and more woman say categorically that they have not been able to despite their best efforts and all the advice.

I for one won’t minimise or patronise anyone sharing their experiences by saying ‘well scientists say you can’ or ‘you just needed more support or information’. I believe women when they say they tried their best and Mother Nature didn’t work.

With the majority of women trying, then ‘failing’ (only for want of a better word) I truly feel something else is going on. Women are intelligent and determined to do best by their children. If so many women are struggling it’s not because they ‘just need to be told how to do it poperly’ Something else is happening.

Yes, @Ttbb! Exactly that - there needs to be a trouble shooting guide to breastfeeding. And also an acknowledgement that sometimes babies don't attach properly or you don't produce enough milk but it isn't something you are doing 'wrong' or your 'fault'. The overwhelming message is 'if it isn't working, it's because you aren't doing it properly'. What a way to support new mums.

@streetlife70 - agree 100%. My experience backs that up.

Stepaway, you said in your post that you feel the need to constantly justify why you couldn’t. If you read back any thread (and there are literally hundreds of them) over many years, sadly there are many many stories similar to yours. Thousands in fact. There are always a few self righteous asses that pipe up with ‘women just make excuses because they are too lazy’ ‘science tells us otherwise’ etc etc. I think it’s about time we start believeing women. Like you, the persecution feeding choices invite (from both sides) does absolutely NOTHING to help mothers or babies. A PP noted that conversations around this topic have ‘loaded language’. I couldn’t agree more.

I believe you 100 percent as I believe the thousands upon thousands of women when they say they have shed literally blood sweat and tears to breastfeed yet it hasn’t worked. Why can’t we start listening instead of blaming and using loaded, accusatory language?

P.S I hope things worked out for you and DD in the end. I feel so sad and angry when I read about mothers sobbing their hearts out through guilt and shame. It’s all too familiar

Slogan suggestion:

“In nutritional terms, your breast milk is best for your baby.”

Not catchy, but factual.

@streetlife70s - thank you. I think you are the first person to actually say you believe me 100%. Most people seem to imply I didn't try hard enough.

DD thrived with formula feeding and we've been great since then (and after the PND was treated). She's grown like a triffid - 3 in January and already in 4-5 clothing! x

I can't bf. Not everyone can.
I attended regular sessions to check latch.
I expressed after every feed.
I fed on demand. Sometimes for hours.
I drank fennel tea.
I took domperidone.
I did lots of skin to skin.
I never made enough milk.

And that’s the thing isn’t it? Why oh why are we telling perfectly intelligent women who are clearly giving absolutely everything they have got that they are ‘imagining’ they don’t have enough milk or that they are not trying hard enough. The very next post on here, from Wolfe tells a similar story. Who is anyone to tell her, you or any woman they know their bodies or their babies better than they do?

Yes! Feed your baby!

I breast fed because I thought it was better for allergies etc and also it acted like liposuction on my body!

How about ‘In some countries babies starve to death, feed your baby however the fuck you like because whatever way you choose your baby won’t starve’.