To feel like I'm about to have a breakdown unless...

[Sweetlikechocolate300]

...I get some rest and time to myself?

Honestly not exaggerating when I say, I haven't had a day off work (mon to fri) for 4 years, and neither have I had a night away from the kids or even a day out for 4 years.

I'm bloody exhausted. Actually I lie -the only time I had time away from work and the kids in 4 years is when I was admitted to hospital 4 times in 2 months earlier this year for a string of infections and illnesses which they put down to me being run down.

I don't think I can do this anymore. I need at least one day to myself or a night away. Also time off work - it's my own business so easier said than done.

Don't get me wrong, I do get a bit of time at the weekend - I have suffered with fatigue since my illnesses and need a nap on at least one of the weekend days, if not both.

During the week I generally go to bed as soon as the kids are in bed - 7pm.

Tonight I'm having a glass of wine and feeling like a crazy martyr. I need to make some changes and don't even know where to start.

Help!

It's a question I ask myself daily ChaCha, but I can't question him on things as he gets defensive and then the next few days I'll be walking on eggshells.

I have of course thought about leaving him, I know he is taking the mick. But things have gone too far and I'm not in a position where I can cope doing what I'm doing and also being a single parent. My fatigue is debilitating too often for it to not be a significant factor, and that's probably my main issue.

If your dh is getting respite in the week, you deserve time at the weekend. I don't see where the stress is for him.

Start with an afternoon. Go for coffee/a swim/ haircut. Something.

I'd ditch the DH and you'll likely feel lots better or tell him to get a job a day increase the nursery hours to cover.

So you are the only one who works, yet he lets you pay for nursery when he's supposed to be home to look after them or ropes another adult in to do it. I couldn't abide a lazy partner.

I've asked him so many times if he would prefer to work but he doesn't want to. He's got used to life. It working. He won't go back now. Even when the dcs start school he wouldn't go back to work.

I'm not sure why the kids need nursery every day if he is a SAHP. If you didn't need to pay nursery fees could you relax a bit with what you need to earn and manage a few days off?

Excuse me?! He gets three hours a day yet still has to go out to the supermarket/catch up on chores when you get home?! Wtaf!?

You definitely have a dh problem.

So he’s a cock-lodger.

Well him being lazy is probably why i resent him. But I just get told I'm unreasonable when I try to address the balance. So I gave up. Now I'm in this situation where it's either change things or my body will give up on me.

After that last comment I'd definitely get rid. He can choose to not work just as you can choose not to fund that choice for him.

So what is he doing to when they are at school.

Op of you split up chances are he would get custody

I've heard that before ChaCha. He probably is (ok he definitely is) but I'm too tired and too stressed to do anything about it.

Does he WANT to stay at home? Or would he rather work?

If your eldest will be school age in September, now is a good time for forward planning.

But start small. Tell DH you need half a day this weekend alone, with a lie-in - in the house if he will get everyone up & out, but better would be a hotel.

Sweet, only you can make the change.

I’d start by getting legal advice.

Maybe he has lost confidence in his ability to do any job outside the home. But, having said that, it would make sense for him to do something. Your children won't need him to be at home for ever.

Stealth yes I know - in theory. Only he wouldn't want that. We had a temp break a little while ago and he absolutely agreed they should be with me. I am certain he would not try to fight me for custody if we do break up.

Ah OK. That is something.
I think you need rl advice and it's worth a chat to your doctor or health visitor

God he’d better have some redeeming features cos at the moment he is taking you for a mug. He gets defensive because he knows this.
Cocklodger. Lazy selfish and blaming.

You are the family priority here. You need to be better supported by him imo. If you collapse, your business goes under. Then no rent, no food etc.

X-post.

Your relationship sounds very bleak.

Demand time to yourself this weekend. Ask your mum if DH won't help.

You need to take time of work. No annual leave is actually ridiculous.

I’ve seen people who do this - they get to the point where they can’t actyally see the wood for the trees and get massively overwhelmed and just work too much.

Take the time off. The world will not end.

He's got used to life. It working. He won't go back now. Even when the dcs start school he wouldn't go back to work

And you’ve said it.

Why are you and your DM enabling the cockwomble?

I will. I'm going to phone my GP in the morning, and will also speak to my DM so she knows where I'm at.

*off

He must see how exhausted and run down you are. The fact he isn't doing anything to help you speaks volumes.

Believeitornot - yes that's exactly how I am. Can't think straight, can't make a decision (even if it's something like deciding what to wear for myself or for the dcs in the morning). It's not how I used to be that's for sure.