Songs ruined by misheard lyrics?

[TillyMint81]

My husband is a bugger for changing lyrics to songs.
Most recently it was the Rag n Bone Mans 'Human' that he ruined for me.
He changed to words to 'I'm in a human casserole' instead of 'I'm only human, after all'
Before that it was the song that goes 'ciao, adios, I'm done' which became 'shower de horse, I'm done'
Now when I hear them I can't hear the originals!
What songs have been ruined for you?

Kungfu, I'm sure they sing 'I'm as serious as cancer' though...so not hugely better

Yes!
Katy Perry - "don't be afraid to catch fish"! Glad it's not just me then, kids think i'm an idiot!
And
"You run around run around run around with that turtle on my knee" Charlie Puth.
Why can't they just enunciate properly???!

Simply Red:
"We only have black children, when we argue, fuss and fight" (If you don't know me by now)

I always listen verrrry carefully, and I am certain this is what he sings.

"You don't have to say you love me, just be good in bed" by Dusty Springfield

Of course should read "just be close at hand..."

Yes from Dirty Dancing

For years I thought they sang “oh yes we’re gonna make love on the beach tonight” - used to always snigger and say “Bet that’s painful. Was quite upset when I found out it was “gonna be tonight”.

My DD (now 16) still sings “are we human or are we hamsters” and the Eurythmics one where shes’s “overgrown with fleas”

My partner always says Charlie Puth is singing “got me thinking bout when you were nine” instead of “mine”

I can tell you're curious
It's written on your lips
Ain't no need to hold it back
Go head and talk your shit
I know you're hoping that I'll react
I know you're hoping I'm looking back
But if my real ain't real enough
Then I don't know what is

Use to think it was...
I know you're hot in that area
I know you're hoping I'm looking back.

Yuck. Just imagining why my little brain envisaged a man pulsating with heat from his crotch.

Plus the Joy Division song love will tear us apart. The chorus always sounds like tie me kangaroo down sport.

Tie. Tie me kangaroo down. Sport.

Nobody else hears it. But I can't unhear it.

An old friend who was a bit of a stoner in our youth used to replace thong with bong in the bong song. 'Let me see that boooooong, baby, that bong baba ba bong' (luckily I am young enough that the bong song was a throw back to my teens).

I have always been a devil for changing the words in songs. My ex wife used to get round up my it. Maybe that would encourage me more. Like the song 'hey big spender' I used to sing 'hey big suspenders'. Maybe that's my she run off with the other man?

I’ve got the shits on the floor instead of sheets
Are we human or are we hamsters

“Cause she’s watching wrestling screaming over tough guys, listening to rap metal, turn tables in her eyes, it’s like a bad movie, she’s looking groovy,” bowling for soup - girl all the bad guys want
“It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not” Bon Jovi - living on a prayer
“Scaffold” Adele -Skyfall

I DID Think the Katy Perry one was
"Don't be afraid to catch fish"

until someone on the TV said it's ACTUALLY
"Don't be a petty cash thief"

Oh and in "Billie Jean "
I hear:
"And Catriona says I found you
Cos I smell the sweet perfume "

instead of:
"She came and stood right by me
Just the smell of sweet perfume"

My sister is called Catriona.

Jennifer, Alison, Phillip I’ll sue, Deborah, Annabel, too…. I forget you’re lame

Justin bieber Despacito

I don't know the words so I sing dorrito

Teen dds

My mind has been blown...ive always sung Good King Wencelas last looked out!!!!!

I used to think Alicia Keys song Wreckless Love was called Breakfast Love...thinking she was singing about morning sex

I was sure Justin Timberlake was singing about a river in Eastern Europe... 'Crimea riv-er'

I have got Tourettes rather than I predict a riot

It's too late to apologize became 'it's too late for farmer Giles' in my head.

And of course me and my mates were yelling singing about Anna Friel last night when madonna was playing. Nothing will convince us that it's not about her.

When a man loves a walnut...

Also, one I was very disappointed to learn I was wrong about:

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, singing ay-oh, Galileo!

So it's not hard to be full
When you eat like a cannibal

Instead of

So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

I used to think people were going a bit man for a really dark song.

“It’s just, a little thrush
Not like I faint, every time I flush”

Can’t ever not hear this when that awful Jennifer Paige song come on.

I Wanna Be A Dog by The Stone Roses....

My friend used to hear
"Carrickmines, Carrickmines. Poker face"

Because of course Lady Gaga was singing about a suburb of Dublin.

We are family - I thought it was “we’re making love in a femidom”

Completely inappropriate not to mention impractical. Just how big was the femidom?!?

Chipmonkey my friend always sings “cherry pie, cherry pie”

Gold by Spandau Ballet - "you're indespicable" instead of indestructible- my sister, aged 4 or 5.

Alice Cooper - I Wanna Be Elected became I Wanna Be A Lettuce in our house!

"Sex on a doughnut
No more pain and no sorrow
Sex on a doughnut
I'm gonna make it to through tomorrow
Sex on a doughnut
Giving me torture and bliss
Sex on a doughnut
Er - better like this!"