To ask what is the worst job application you have read? *lighthearted*

[jobapplicationshock]

Name changed as this is outing.

Someone has been headhunted for a corporate job that she seems to fit exactly. Great education, exemplary recommendations, great networking skills (all according to linkedin)

I was responsible for going through the applications and forwarding on; all great until I got to "the one" and my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

On the "about me" bit she has written "[MNHQ removed as it was identifying]"
Objectives are "[MNHQ removed as it was identifying]".

This is a first time for me, enlighten me with your tales of application woes please

I always list my A levels to show that I worked hard from an early age and that I speak many languages - I didn't know that was a faux pas.

I want to know the OP one. I love a good cringey application - look, there's no excuse, everyone knows it's a job not an invitation to share your life story or be an utter weirdo - but the 'mumsy' ones are the cringiest of all.

"I'm a domestic engineer, tee hee, and I have 7 years experience being the Household Coordinator, which means I will make an excellent manager. I have put on Band Aids, qualifying me for hospital work, solved disputes so I am also a Psychiatrist, cared for a dog making me something a Vet and, of course, a chef, cleaner, accountant, personal shopper, secretary, assistant, head of admin and basically CEO of My House Ltd. Tee hee."

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@FiddleWiddiRiddim I’ve laughed so hard at your presentation story! Hahahahaha!

I had one application recently that under the current job section of the application form had written 4 words (they had a 250 word limit on the form) and it wasn’t even a sentence it was just 4 tasks that they did with “etc” added on the end. In the “previous jobs” section they had added the job before their current one and had written “as above” where they were meant to list their responsibilities (they’d had another 250 words)

The 1000 word limit personal statement had one line. Basically saying that they really wanted a job in this sector.

It went in the bin.

Puzzled Job Centre advisers make people apply for jobs they have no chance of getting

That's absolutely true, but because of the sector involved most applicants tended not to be under the cosh of the Jobcentre. Granted I had a few who were being forced to play their ridiculous system, but most of those I'm thinking of were already in other posts and "just fancied themselves" in the role ... though sadly without having given any real thought to it

For a clerical job, I received a very well-written, very professional email with a massive attached file.

Curious, I opened the file to see why it was so huge. I was met with loads and loads of screenshots of very steamy sexting complete with extremely intimate photographs.

I wondered if it was a MNer screenshotting evidence of her cheating DP to get her ducks in a row so I replied to the email saying the file was too large for us to accept. I didn't want the applicant to know I'd opened it.

Some of those images I will never ever unsee.

From the applicants' point of view, these references to steamy images remind me of my last "employed" position, where the boss was addicted to both cocaine and hardcore porn and indulged in both when he thought we'd all left for the day. Trouble is he used work computers to do it, and in his addled state would save ... errr ... interesting files in all manner of unsuitable places

Which must have been quite a surprise when applicants opened what they thought was a job related file and found something rather different

Under “Interests”on an application for an office messenger job in the 1990s

“Anything fast - cars, bikes, women”

Apart from those not having the qualification required, I once had a competency based application form from someone with the response, " I have never worked in the NHS so I do not have an example to give" to every comptency. Competencies were things like communication and people and personal development, so not rocket science and up to 250 words available.
It wasn't an NHS job!

Not an application, per se - but an interview.

When asked why she wanted to train as a nurse, the applicant replied that she really wanted to be a professional, classical singer, and thought nursing would be a good job for her to support herself whilst she was making it as a singer.

Reader - this was me. You will not be surprised to learn that I was not offered a place in this school of nursing!!

The oddest one I ever had was from someone who claimed she'd played a lead role in a company I'd previously worked for. I knew her and she hadn't had that role. I had.

Years ago, my friend was “encouraged” by the job centre to apply for a job with British Aerospace.

I’m not sure what they made of her CV, which included her strongly pacifist beliefs and her CND membership, but she received her rejection letter in due course

Have seen hundreds of appalling CVs over the years. Everything from crap spelling, outright lying, ludicrous achievement listings from school, use of 'comedy' fonts, multicoloured paper. Moving to an online application has helped weed out some of the more shocking mistakes but even then people still can't be arsed to spell check their applications.

When I was recruiting for a part time qualified accountant with particular expertise in VAT and exports, I knew that I would get a bit of a hodge-podge of applicants (because it wasn't full time), but I particularly liked the young man who applied who cheerily told me that he had absolutely no accounts or book keeping experience whatsoever, but was confident that he would be very good at it if he had a go.

Steak Looking back it was quite funny but it was honestly one of the worst moments of my life. I felt cold sweat beading up all over my body. I felt my face go pale but my cheeks also flush at the same time. It was like everything went quiet and in slow motion. I've never experienced panic quite like it since. I just kept thinking "Don't click on the folder" which, of course, made me certain that's exactly whats I was going to do which then made me panic even more.

I remember my old boss interviewing someone who, when asked about her weaknesses, said ‘I’m quite disorganised’. Not the ideal thing to admit to in any interview - but a particularly bad idea when the job is as an Administrator.

@milli I can go one better than that - we were looking to recruit a junior member of staff in an area (geographic) that is very hard to recruit to. We received a very excited email from our HR department with a CV they had reveived of someone very well qualified for such a junior role.

It was indeed a quality CV, lots of relevant experience, cracking personal statement, seemed quite over qualified really.

One issue was that apart for a different name at the top it was my (relatively current) CV..... Word for word.

They were not invited for interview and received a letter saying that impersonation would be viewed very poorly.

The only ways I can think of that they got hold of my CV was that it is in some bid documents that are public record and are presumably available on line.

Or an agency gave it to them as an example and they just copied and pasted. It wasn't a simple 'wrong name on the wrong file' as the formatting was very different to any version of my CV.

I was helping to sift through applications for a care job (in visually impaired person's home, involving helping them in the house and taking them out.)

Had applicants residing 100 miles away applying (clearly no interest in travelling that far for £9p/h for the short shifts advertised, but presumably had to apply to keep the job centre happy) and also someone who listed their skills as 'bar tendering and hair cuttery'

Wow - big grey goose - that's quite creepy.

I was all for inviting them to interview and making them squirm...

This is apparently not 'professional'

Spoilsports.

millifiore and &biggreygoose* - snap! As well as the person who claimed to be my assistant (when I had no assistant) there was another, who claimed to have held the job I did. I created the job in that company, and nobody held it before me, or even simultaneously to me (which he was claiming). It was a weird feeling.

My "assistant" got shortlisted by one of the other panellists on the grounds that if they worked with me, they must be a good egg...

I interviewed someone once who's mobile phone rang in the middle of the interview. He actually looked at us and said "excuse me one moment" and answered it!

It was his mum asking how the interview had gone.

Afterwards he told me that he'd been so nervous he didn't know what had come over him or why he did it (he wasn't expecting an urgent call or anything).

We actually had a laugh about it. He didn't get that role but he did some training with us and found a position elsewhere. He tells everyone about it so wouldn't mind me posting here.

It still makes me laugh now, the way he turned to the interview panel and told us to wait while he answered it. Then had to tell his mum he was still in the actual interview... oh dear!