To ask what is the worst job application you have read? *lighthearted*

[jobapplicationshock]

Name changed as this is outing.

Someone has been headhunted for a corporate job that she seems to fit exactly. Great education, exemplary recommendations, great networking skills (all according to linkedin)

I was responsible for going through the applications and forwarding on; all great until I got to "the one" and my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

On the "about me" bit she has written "[MNHQ removed as it was identifying]"
Objectives are "[MNHQ removed as it was identifying]".

This is a first time for me, enlighten me with your tales of application woes please

I’m not saying she should have been given the job, just that if someone is trying their best then it’s pretty cuntish to start a thread mocking them.

Ouais it's interesting to hear that the Swiss benefits system is just as ludicrously Kafkaesque as the UK one.

if someone is trying their best then it’s pretty cuntish to start a thread mocking them.

Not everyone is trying their best though - I have sifted through enough CVs to know that many people don't actually want the job - they are just applying for x number of jobs because the job centre or their mother makes them.

I once had an applicant list all of his previous jobs, and instead of a description of the role, he wrote in great detail why he was unfairly got rid of left every one of them. My favourite one was where he said he'd worked at this firm for several years without a pay rise, so he asked for one, and it reminded them of his presence sufficiently for them to decide to dispense with his services and make him redundant

Hi all, we've really debated what to do here because we are uncomfortable (as are many of you) with the idea of cutting and pasting from a current jobsseeker's CV. We think it's not in the spirit of the site. However, we can see that outside of the OP, it's a broadly light-hearted thread that everyone is enjoying. So we are going to take the unusual step of deleting some of the OP and letting the thread go, and hope that satisfies everyone.

I received one CV that had a key achievements section, and amongst some decent ones the applicant put down "Received posthumous lifetime achievement award from X overseas magazine".

Eh, really?!

When I worked in a law firm I used to reject anybody who was trying to get a position as a sollicitor, a soliciter, or a solicittor.

Job adverts for my team specify that the candidate must have very good attention to detail (accuracy and pedantry are vital for what we do). CVs / applications with spelling errors do therefore get rejected. They could have been a good applicant but if they cannot demonstrate how they fulfil this essential criteria, they are not perfect.

This essential criterion.

Sorry.

Some recruitment professionals could do with brushing up on data protection. And on not being a dick.

Damn, forgot the

The young woman who had had one internship job that was vaguely relevant to the role (which was the only reason I can imagine HR even sent me the CV). She barely wrote two lines on this - yet every menial job she’d ever had, including working in a fish and chip shop, was described in mind-numbing detail. Her ‘proudest achievement’ was managing the ice cream stall at the cinema on her own on a busy weekend. She also waxed lyrical on how much she loved shopping.

This is quite outing as I tell everyone this story as it was so gobsmacking. Was interviewing a candidate for an admin job- two on the panel - me and my boss who was male. I would have been managing the guy interviewed . We got to the public sector version of "where do you see yourself in five years time (think it was worded differently) and the guy being interviewed came out with "as a man, i am very ambitious unlike women" (thought I'd heard him wrong) "he then looks at my manager and continued "you know because men are more ambitious than women". It was truly the most buzzard interview ever - when it finished and he was gone I was like - "did he actually say that"

Many moons ago I was tasked with looking through CVs for an entry-level admin position. There were a few howlers. But the one that will always have a special place in my heart contained only the applicant's name, telephone number, and a photo of them crouched on some linoleum.

I read one recently where the personal statement section (i.e. the main part of the application) was just one sentence saying ‘I think I would be a good fit for this role due to my relevant skills and experience’. That was it.

I also have a friend who’s looking for jobs in my industry,who insists on writing job application statements like she’s writing her autobiography. She writes beautiful prose but never actually talks about the criteria they’re looking for or how she meets them, just kind of writes this meandering tale of her career so far and all her aspirations in life. I’ve tried telling her that this isn’t what employers want but she won’t listen and thinks that ‘my way’ (addressing each point in the job spec and giving examples of relevant experience that I have) is unimaginative and even ‘cheating’

She gets very upset when she doesn’t get any interviews and talks about how the selection process must be biased somehow because otherwise they would definitely have shortlisted her. It’s deeply frustrating.

She once even asked an employer for feedback on why she didn’t get an interview and they told her basically exactly what I always say, and she still refused to accept it and said that it was just useless generic feedback that didn’t help her

morbid 😂 please say with clothes on though. not nude? did they get the job?

Had to recruit a contractor on a day rate - £300 / day. One of the CVs sent by the agency was NINE pages long!

@cheminote I am betting on it being a technical (software) role

Nope.

Covering letter for a job as an English teacher. Had a 1st from a less respected university and the covering letter was full of SPaG mistakes.

I couldn't care less about non standard grammar out of work & can't stand the grammar police on social media, but a covering letter for an English teacher job?! You have to be kidding me. what makes it worse is that someone else shortlisting thought I was being harsh in my criticisms as this might be something they could learn... LEARN? Learn KS2 grammar before you want to teach children

Won’t say what the post was but the applicant had some fairly... stereotypical ideas about what the role would entail. She had no actual relevant qualifications but her personal statement included a paragraph about rolling down a hill and loosening her tight bun and flinging off her glasses. I wish I was joking.

I got an unsolicited cv once, from someone keen to tell me that he would use his position as a healthcare professional in my business to “spread the word of the Lord Jesus Christ”.
I don’t care what anyone does with the Lord Jesus Christ in their own time , but it has no place in patient consultations. I was genuinely gobsmacked that anyone would think that appropriate.

I use the web chat service at work we constantly get people who message along the line of ‘I want job sir’, one guy decided to include a photo of him to hammer over the point of his suitability.

We don’t have any jobs, nor do we advertise, it’s literally just random people asking for jobs.

CoolGirls her personal statement included a paragraph about rolling down a hill and loosening her tight bun and flinging off her glasses

Hang on, hang on - what? Was this recounting a relevant experience, or a description of what she wanted to do?!

ska Thankfully clothed, yes! I think they had a quite nice pair of slacks on, if memory serves. They sadly weren't called for an interview, but I still think of them fondly

ReallyOrange it wasn’t how she imagined her life would be should she be offered the post. It was really very well written. I’m gutted we couldn’t interview her.