To ask what is the worst job application you have read? *lighthearted*

[jobapplicationshock]

Name changed as this is outing.

Someone has been headhunted for a corporate job that she seems to fit exactly. Great education, exemplary recommendations, great networking skills (all according to linkedin)

I was responsible for going through the applications and forwarding on; all great until I got to "the one" and my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

On the "about me" bit she has written "[MNHQ removed as it was identifying]"
Objectives are "[MNHQ removed as it was identifying]".

This is a first time for me, enlighten me with your tales of application woes please

*was not wasn’t.
Bloody iPhone

I once received a CV for an admin summer job role where the candidate had listed her DD bra size under "achievements".

I received a CV littered with spelling and grammar errors (not typos, actual mistakes). The covering email contained a total of five words: just two of them were correct.

In his later years, a relative of mine applied for a job which was quite physically demanding. The interviewer asked how he'd cope with the physicality of the job... and to prove his strength, my relative actually offered to arm wrestle the guy!

I also remember interviewing one man who commented how tired he was after his early start and he had driven 5 hours to get to the interview
But don't you live in x Town as per your CV? I asked
No he replied, that's a friends address but I don't live there
Will you be relocating if you get the job then? I enquired
No, I enjoy where I live so I wouldn't move
So, how would you do this job then? I asked
I thought maybe you could relocate the office nearer ME he replied!!!!
Then he mentioned that it was a lovely area and he was sure we would all love it - but the job was only really to see him through to retirement in a few years anyway
His CV had been really good

Consultants bidding for multi-million pound contract. Bid includes lead consultants CVs. Generally mildly interesting.

One chap supplied a 63-page CV listing every single tiny publication in every industry newsletter, but also every single qualification including the swimming certificate gained age 9 in 1953!

The ones that state that they’re meticulous and pay attention to detail, that are inevitably riddled with errors.

Also the ones who (for a job which required a minimum 2.1 in a major science) listed their qualifications in Sports Science, Health and Beauty, Hairdressing, etc, etc

Puzzled Job Centre advisers make people apply for jobs they have no chance of getting. Don't underestimate the stupidity of the system.

I get really irritated with people who don't read the advert and person spec. Sending in a CV when it specifically says not to to that and to complete the application form instead. Applying for a job for which a certain qualification is absolutely necessary, when they don't have that qualification. Other than that, having started my own career supporting disengaged NEET young people to enter some sort of EET, it is very unusual for an application to seem so bad to me as to warrant comment. I'm known for my positive feedback- I saw too many people made to feel like shit by wholly critical, often quite unkind feedback. If someone has made the effort to apply and wants feedback, even if their application scored zero, I will find something positive to say when suggesting ways they could do better in the future.

I have been on job panels not in my immediate workplace, as I am in the voluntary sector.

Two corkers:

One, when asked for a single supplementary page, send 21 pages, all rambling, and with the worst formatting you have ever seen. This was for a communications job. The applicant had a PhD, so I was a little surprised about the inability to follow instructions or grasp what good communication looked like.

Another, not knowing I was on the job panel, claimed to be my assistant. (I don't have an assistant.)

But the one that will always have a special place in my heart contained only the applicant's name, telephone number, and a photo of them crouched on some linoleum.

MorbidBibliomancy you win the thread. No contest at all.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry - my guess is it was a library?!

My favourite was under hobbies and interests, 'watching moderately violent pornography'. She didn't get an interview - yep she. It would have been an interesting yet awkward talking point.

I saw on a CV once, when the applicant talking about a job at a golf club, that one of their duties was ‘helping drunk people waiting 2 B served’

I used to work in publishing. Changing some details but I had a submission from one guy that really stands out. Imagine my job was to put together recipes from different writers to form a cookbook, and I had 5 years' experience in the job, had put together several best selling cookbooks and had studied at a prestigious culinary institute. One writer sent me a submission saying he worked as a video games journalist and doesn't really cook, but would be great at the job as writing recipes is so easy. He then mansplained cookbooks to me, and when I rejected him said that I probably just couldn't get his vision based on the gaming articles he'd submitted as women just don't, and would I like to read some of his erotica instead.

I was shortlisting for a fairly junior position in my twam recently and found an application from a guy who was my manager c15 years ago (different organisation). He was the most idle, incompetent bastard ever - he literally did nothing but draw a salary, piss around on the internet and claim credit for the work a few in his team actually did (out of 8 of us I'd say 4 actually earnt our salary).

When I looked at the "relevant experience" section of the application I found he'd raken full credit for the 3 year project I'd delivered, plus quite a bit of my colleagues work.

He did not get an interview. When i spoke to an old colleague it turns out he left our former employer under a bit of a cloud and word was his current employer was telling him to go or face a disciplinary. This might explain why he was applying for jobs at half his previous salary under the guise of "powering down towards retirement and wanting to put something back".

Tosser.

@nogrip yes I know representing your country is a positive thing, but you can cover that by putting “Selected for England hockey squad U12 to U18”

You don’t need to list out every and each instance taking up half a page.

I went for a job interview once where I had to give a presentation.

I slotted my USB into the PC which brought up all my folders. All fine apart from one which was slap bang in the middle and had the title in block capital letters "SLAGS ON TOUR - MAGALUF COCK HUNT"

I spotted it and my brain froze so I couldn't remember where I'd put the presentation file so I had to keep the screen with all my folders listed on screen for ages while I tried to remember.

I didn't get the job.

Recruiting for a modern foreign languages teacher. Advert specifies must be able to teach French and German to A-Level.
Candidate is

1. not a qualified teacher
2. has no teaching experience 3)cannot speak French or German
3. does not have a visa that entitles them to work in the UK.

That one went straight in the bin!!

On the the flip side, I was once asked in a teaching interview "if you were an animal, which animal would you be?"

I was so dumbfounded by the question that I completely failed to give a proper answer. I was quite glad when I didn't get the job tbh.

Oh, and also loads of applications from Newly qualified teachers just finishing their training who apply for every single job advertised. Many clearly just use the same application letter for every job and make no effort to tailor it to the school they are applying to, including forgetting to change the name of the school and headteacher

I think she had a lucky excape...you sound very unkind and I’m glad your not my boss....

I received a portfolio from a designer recently which dedicated a disproportionate number of pages to their illustrations of couples having sex. Legitimate work but added at the end of the portfolio as a sort of odd flourish.

no comment BottleBeach!