To think parents could cough up

[homesickforuk]

I earn 40k and my parents earn 6 figures.

The whole family live in different countries. This year they've decided we'll go to my sisters country (Austria) for Christmas. She lives in a small flat so they found a (posh) hotel and just sent me and my brother links saying "get booking guys!"

Its no problem for me to pay but i just felt a spark of annoyance.

Although they earn good money they never helped us out the way i see other peoples parents helping them out (no help through university, no help with deposit or anything all of us kids just rent etc etc etc).

I dont expect that stuff but i would have thought if you were bookig this hotel you could just whack an extra 2 bedrooms on for me and my brother, no? I mean we have to buy flights etc anyway. Us kids are late 20s early 30s btw.

AIBU?

In 1966 the average cost of a house was £3,620, which equates to about £60,848 in today’s money. In contrast, the average cost of a house in the UK broke the £200,000 barrier for the first time in April 2016, going up to £313,000 in the south of England.
www.experian.co.uk/blogs/consumer-advice/how-cost-of-living-has-changed-since-1966/

The average first-time buyer needs a minimum income of £41,000 in order to secure a mortgage, almost double the UK’s average wage of £22,000. A report published by KPMG this week found that the divergence between house prices and wages has grown so wide that affordability is now an issue for all aspiring buyers unless they have very high earnings - or inherit money. First-time buyers in London have the toughest time getting on the property ladder. They need to earn a whopping £77,000 in order to buy their first home. In reality the average worker earns just £28,000.
www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/borrowing/mortgages/11584347/Average-first-time-buyer-needs-41000-salary.html

That's right - it's just young people being entitled and not working hard enough

MinervaSaidThar

You're not making sense I'm afraid. You asked me how much my student loan was, I told you, and told you I worked hard to pay it off before leaving university.

You then say So you should know that there isn't a generation who go through uni without lifting a finger. Eh? How does my situation mean I should know that? Where's the link?

I am not of the generation now who -generally - doesn't lift a finger. My generation did what I wrote of originally. This generation generally doesn't. How do I know? Because they claim they will leave university with the same debt they took out - which means NO work to pay it off whatsoever. Because when I see graduates in the workplace and ask them what they did for work during their university years, I am astounded at the majority who all say "nothing".

flowerpot what generation are you that you had to pay for tuition fees and didn't get a grant?

Because that's what current generation (and mine) have to do. So you should be able to sympathise with them and not dismiss them as having done it with Mummy and Daddy's help. That's the link.

Flowerpot1234 I had a full loan and paid it all off before leaving University

Wow that is amazing, can you tell us what sort of job enabled you to pay the £7000 a year loan (accommodation is £6300 per year) and also the £9000 tuition fees? because my DS would like a job that he could work weekends and evenings that would pay that sort of money. Also he would need a little extra on top of that because the £700 difference isn't going to cover all his food and bills.

He does already work weekends and also all the holidays. Just to pay for his food and bills on top of student rent.

@FlowerPot1234 how on earth did you work enough to pay off even your fees, let alone living costs.

Fees are £9k x 3 years = £27,000 before you have even spent anything on rent or food.

So basically, you graduated in a totally different time when fees were zero or £1k./year and you are talking total BULLSHIT about how graduates today should just work PT and pay of all their debt (the lazy sods!)

I don't see the problem with not being supported through education or certainly once you're an adult.

It would be lovely if your parents wanted to make the hotel stay a Christmas present for you. But it seems they don't.

Austria isn't particularly far, whoever said that. (I did read it as Australia first, which I agree is a LONG way to go )

They sound like my parents. Mean.

I get it OP it's not really about Christmas this year but the fact they NEVER helped you with anything.

I remember friends applying to uni and not worrying about the bill because their parents paid or helped and then me trying to figure out how many jobs I'd need to pay for it.

If you ever bring it up to them they'll just get defensive. Best thing to do is cancel Christmas.

Have I just entered a parallel universe where earning 40k is “normal”

It is completely normal for university educated people with professional jobs.

YABU for wanting your parents to pay for a hotel for you when you're both adults! If you don't want to pay make other arrangements for Xmas. bloody hell.

There are some assumptions on the thread:

• OP is probably not in the UK so we don't know if Austria is far for her

• OP doesn't say that her parents decided everyone is going to Austria. She says this was all 'discussed beforehand' and there is

no issue with this

• OP doesn't say her parents have picked the hotel. If the choice of Austria was discussed then it's possible the choice was hotel was discussed as well and the parents were simply sending a reminder to everyone to book the hotel before it gets sold out

It's up to the parents whether they pay or not, but they shouldn't assume that OP and her db want or can afford to stay in an expensive hotel. If I were OP I would say I'd love to come but I'll be staying in the Hotel Budget or could they get an apartment to share.

That being said, I think some parents are very mean. It cuts both ways about life being short. The pil were extremely stingy, and in the end everything they had - savings, house - all went on care home fees. Yet ever since I knew them they would do as OP's parents - "Oh, wouldn't it be nice to get together at the MegaPonce Restaurant?" and then do their usual short arms, deep pockets act.

I find it shocking that parents with a six figure income did not contribute financially to their children's education.

Well taken OP! Enjoy your trip.

My parents are significantly better off than me and generous with their money but I don't think it would occur to them to pay in these circumstances, unless I said I couldn't afford it. But you can afford it, so what's the problem?

SilverSpot Kindly refrain from the abusive messages. If you wish to apologise and engage in a polite manner, I shall be happy to answer your questions.

I see both sides. Adult children should be able to stand on their own 2 feet but I don't understand wealthy parents who are not generous.

What makes it difficult is when you hear friends talk about how much support/help they have & you can't help but feel envious. I know of one couple who earn 500k whose mother does all the cleaning & 80% of the childcare (they take the piss).

Plus we are looking at a future where how much you inherit/if your parents own their own home will massively affect your own future.

The only thing I find odd is that OP agreed to go to a hotel that costs more than she would like to spend. I think the dynamics in the family are odd. She is expected to pay her way (fair enough) but does not seem to be able to speak out about how much she would find reasonable. It sounds like OP is still acting like a child, not wanting to upset her parents. I'm wondering why - as an independent 20/30 something she is still so deferential.

OP has not demanded her parents pay - and seemingly has had nothing from them since 18, so I really don't think she is grabby or entitled. Many, many parents do help their parents out. My parents couldn't afford to, but my in-laws did - and we have also helped them out a lot over the past 5 years, as their circumstances have changed.

I hope to help my children out if I can in future. Just different ideas of family, I guess

I'm a graduate. I don't know anyone earning 40k, most people I know earn under 20k. I think it depends where you live.

I would refuse to go, even if I could afford it.

It is completely normal for university educated people with professional jobs.

Define "professional jobs". Do you mean doctors, dentists, accountants?

£40,000 sure isn't normal for a teacher, for instance. And certainly not late twenties/early thirties.

YABU to expect your parents to automatically pay for the hotel, OP.

YWNBU to expect them not to just book up to a plush hotel with the expectation that you will automatically join them there.

Whether you can afford it or not, a lot of people would rather get a cheap deal for a hotel and spend their money on something else.

I'd be tempted to tell your parents that you can't afford it and will be looking for a cheaper deal. See what they say.

My parents would pay, without even blinking and they don't earn that. Much like my granny would have paid for them when they were younger and poorer with small kids.

Mine didn't help with uni bar letting me live at home for free while I studied (extortionate commute costs) but did give me a deposit for a flat. This is pretty common in our circle, I certainly don't know anyone whose parents could but didn't.

It's interesting because my DF helped my sibling and I out with Uni costs and a deposit on a house (just a couple of 000's back then) and since then we have never asked him for a penny. The last time I asked him for any help was when I was about 24. On the other hand, my siblings who didn't go to Uni still ask my DF for money for themselves and their offspring.

Of course, none of us should expect any money off him but sometimes helping your DC out with Uni and a deposit, if you can afford it, is an investment in the long term. I plan to do this with my DC and have saved for them from birth.

I’m another person who doesn’t understand why people who are comfortably off wouldn’t help their children if they could? Obviously not if their children are lazy or grabby, but if you can make their lives a little easier with financial help or baby sitting and it doesn’t hurt or inconvenience you, why wouldnt you?

We haven't helped ours out with uni as we can't afford to.
despite both being graduates neither of us will ever earn 40k, so that normal comment is bullshit I'm afraid.
40k is a lot of money, but if you can't afford to do something then you can't do it, it's that simple.