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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents could cough up

150 replies

homesickforuk · 01/11/2017 09:43

I earn 40k and my parents earn 6 figures.

The whole family live in different countries. This year they've decided we'll go to my sisters country (Austria) for Christmas. She lives in a small flat so they found a (posh) hotel and just sent me and my brother links saying "get booking guys!"

Its no problem for me to pay but i just felt a spark of annoyance.

Although they earn good money they never helped us out the way i see other peoples parents helping them out (no help through university, no help with deposit or anything all of us kids just rent etc etc etc).

I dont expect that stuff but i would have thought if you were bookig this hotel you could just whack an extra 2 bedrooms on for me and my brother, no? I mean we have to buy flights etc anyway. Us kids are late 20s early 30s btw.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LostSight · 01/11/2017 10:18

No, it suggests they had a normal start in life and went to university graduated with a 2:1 and got a normal grad scheme job. Nothing exceptional about £40k.

According to the Annual Survey of Hours and Earnings (ASHE), average gross annual earnings for full-time employees was £27,600 in 2015.

Nothing average about it Silverspot. You seem not to have a grasp on what life is like for the ‘unexceptional’.

WorraLiberty · 01/11/2017 10:19

Its no problem for me to pay but i just felt a spark of annoyance.

Why? Because as an adult, you're unable to freeload off another adult? Confused

No-one has decided where you're spending Christmas by the way, only you get to decide that.

And if you decide you want to go to Austria and you can afford it, then yes, get booking.

Otherwise stop thinking about other people's income when you have your own.

sparechange · 01/11/2017 10:19

£40,000 in wages in your late twenties /early thirties suggests you had a great start in life

A receptionist or PA in London would earn this. It doesn't suggest anything without knowing where the OP is.

OP, can you stay with your sister? Obviously her flat isn't big enough for all of you to stay, but is there enough space for you (and your brother?)

FlowerPot1234 · 01/11/2017 10:21

I don't understand the issue here. You say you earn £40k and you say you have no problem paying.

So, you have no financial issue with this at all, but you are annoyed your parents haven't paid for you? Hmm

Er.. why?

NameChangeFamousFolk · 01/11/2017 10:22

You can't be pissed off with your parents not paying for stuff when you're in your 20'3/30's, earn 40k and have your own homes and so on. Not everyone's parents pay their way through uni and so on. Don't let yourself think you've been hard-done-to if you've got an otherwise good relationship with your family.

MadMags · 01/11/2017 10:22

Are people seriously thinking a grown adult who can comfortably afford it should expect her parents to pay for her hotel???

No, OP, you shouldn't scrounge off your parents for no reason. Equally, you don't have to go.

Glumglowworm · 01/11/2017 10:23

YABU and grabby

You're a grown up ffs! Either pay your own way and go or don't pay and stay home, just don't whine about what you choose to do.

Fuckit2017 · 01/11/2017 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leilaniii · 01/11/2017 10:23

It is pretty depressing the number of threads there are on here from adults who still expect their parents to be footing their bills or want handouts.

Well, to be fair, most of them will spend their entire working lives paying their parents' generation's pension whilst never being able to afford to get on the housing ladder. I don't think it's unreasonable, if the parents can afford it.

haveagobletofblood · 01/11/2017 10:25

Nicer problems to have.

Original poster
homesickforuk · 01/11/2017 10:26

OK OK OK! I get it, I am being a little bit of a dick.

I just kind of thought if you could afford it why wouldn't you just add on 2 rooms or whatever, I probably would have paid for a big slap up meal for us all in return, that kind of thing.

But I take the point, and its true I'm an adult and should pay my own way.

OP posts:
MinervaSaidThar · 01/11/2017 10:29

YABU I'm afraid.

I haven't had a penny from parents since I was 15 and started paying rent straight after uni, but I was grateful to be able to save money whilst paying £250pm in rent.

I don't expect anything monetary but get lots of love and support from my mum, and I won't inherit any money or property.

You may one day inherit substantial money/property so be grateful for that!

Leilaniii · 01/11/2017 10:29

I don't think you're being a dick. I would pay for my kids, if it was my idea to stay in a nice hotel.

FlowerPot1234 · 01/11/2017 10:29

homesickforuk

OK OK OK! I get it, I am being a little bit of a dick.
Well done for realising that and admitting it.

I just kind of thought if you could afford it why wouldn't you just add on 2 rooms or whatever
Ah, now they're you're wrong you see. Common misconception in teenagers and 20-30-somethings nowadays. If parents are able, does not mean they should. You're an adult, you are responsible for financing your own lifestyle - it is as simple as that.

Jaxhog · 01/11/2017 10:30

Not sure I see the problem? If sounds like you've done well, so why should your parents feel obliged to help you financially now?

If you want to go and can afford it - go. If not - don't go.

Mix56 · 01/11/2017 10:31

If you can afford it/want to pay that much? look at alternatives, airb&b etc, & say I'll be staying here.....
You should expect them to pay, but you can choose a cheaper option if you feel the need.

Saracen · 01/11/2017 10:31

I don't see any reason why your parents should pay for you.

On the other hand, it is odd that they have apparently decided where you are going for Christmas and even which hotel you will stay in.

If I were you, even if I liked their arrangements I would make this point to them by saying something like, "We haven't decided yet what we'll be doing for Christmas. I didn't realise DSis had invited all of us to go to her house! How kind of her. We'll think about it and let everyone know what we decide. Thanks for letting us know which hotel you're staying in. We'll have a look at that one, but we might see if we can find something a bit cheaper."

Mix56 · 01/11/2017 10:31

should not ....

Autumnskiesarelovely · 01/11/2017 10:33

I do think you are being unreasonable. Just go and enjoy them. It’s your turn to be adults now, and make your own way. They bought you up.

LuckyAmy1986 · 01/11/2017 10:33

I would be annoyed they would just assume I would go to be honest. Why do they dictate where you spend Christmas?!

SlothMama · 01/11/2017 10:34

Just say you can't afford it, it's very grabby of you to expect your parents to pay for you!

Jaxhog · 01/11/2017 10:34

Well, to be fair, most of them will spend their entire working lives paying their parents' generation's pension whilst never being able to afford to get on the housing ladder. I don't think it's unreasonable, if the parents can afford it.
And then they'll inherit their parent's house! Do they think their parents weren't paying for THEIR parent's pensions? Or that their children won't be doing the same for them?

PinkHeart5914 · 01/11/2017 10:35

I find it bizarre that you would even consider going that far 😂 it’s only Austria

You don’t have to go if you don’t want, your an adult with the ability to say no. I think expecting your parents to pay for you becuase they earn more than you is what is bizarre, your an adult so why shouldn’t you pay for yourself? yabu

emma2468 · 01/11/2017 10:35

I wouldn't expect parents to pay for me but I also wouldn't expect them to tell me where to spend my money either! I'd be saying sorry I can't afford to do this.

Jackiebrambles · 01/11/2017 10:36

I'd be annoyed at being expected to stay in an expensive hotel for christmas!

If you don't want to pay, just tell them you'll spend christmas elsewhere.

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