DH's best friend's new girlfriend....replacing my friend

[MrsOverTheRoad]

DH's best friend has been married for twenty years and his wife is a good mate of mine.

He left her two months ago and has a new girlfriend...he met her online dating.

He seems over-obsessed with this woman and is jumping in head first. Meanwhile his wife is devestated. She's broken into two which is awful to see.

DH works with his friend and so will now and then mention this new woman casually "Oh X said he and Diana went to see that new film and it was great"

Kind of thing. Every time DH does this I get irrational annoyed though I say nothing.

I think it's awful! DH and his mate moving on like that...just accepting this new woman...like my friend is nothing.

I never want to invite this new woman around or anything...I can't imagine it!

Not sure if this has already been answered, how old are these people, is stbx in his mid forties/early fifties (married for 20 years) and is new gf the same age or considerably younger. I imagine the latter.

Lots of projection and conclusion jumping here .
So, what we know: Mate was on-line dating, had this OW lined up and she is younger and presumably prettier than OP's friend

Put yourself in new GF's shoes - you've met a new bloke, totally smitten, and for no fault of your own his friends are cold shouldering you because you aren't the previous wife you have never met and have nothing to do with.

deydo so the "old wife" should be tossed aside like an old shoe so that stbx can make a new life with new gf, thats horrific. New gf should be wondering if it was so easy to get rid of "old wife" maybe he won't hesitate if her time comes in the future. I agree with a previous poster that men don't leave until they've got someone else lined up. Seen this happen so many times.

OP, hope you are okay and sorting out how you want to go forward.

deydododatdodontdeydo - Its a really hard one - potentially the new GF hasn't done anything wrong - for me it depends on whether she knew he was married and got together with the EX H before he split from his wife.

Ex H might not have told her he was married in which case how would she know? Its abit stinky for the GF but older men often come with alot of messy baggage, in this case a long term wife who he is divorcing. Obviously it will be hard for mutual friends of this couple and GF may well not get an ideal response - but that is an unfortunate side effect of getting involved with someone who was in a long term previous relationship or marriage. Sometimes there isn't an idealistic all round fair conclusion or happily ever after for everyone concerned.

If she cares about the EX H enough she will get through that. I'm sure the GF and most of us on this thread will have felt what its like to be betrayed or dumped at some point in our lives.

But the key thing here is the OP and her friend. The OP needs to do what she feels is the right thing and if that means focusing in on her friend then that is what she needs to do.

WasDoingFine - what is the link to your thread? I can't comment now as about to go back to work, but happy to hear if you want to talk.

Dear WasDoingFIne - I empathise. It really hurts. It does get easier but for now, it's grit your teeth time. People can be bloody shallow.

This is my one

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3085285-Friends-after-divorce

I would tread carefully here with benefit of hindsight. A few months ago I posted an almost identical scenario but this time it was my BIL (to whom DH is very close) who had left my SIL . Almost identical timeframe too, within 2 months of leaving he had shacked up with 'new' girlfriend and embarked on an intense relationship. SIL was devastated (so were their children) and I felt very conflicted about having to spend time with both BIL and new girlfriend when I knew my SIL was in bits.

Unfortunately things haven't got better, SIL seems even more angry and hurt and has not behaved impeccably herself since split.I hope no children are involved in OP's story as now BIL has virtually no contact with his children and we haven't seen them for 6 months as SIL has cut off our side of family. I tried to remain friends with her as I felt so sorry for her but it became impossible .Something I told her to try and be supportive was twisted and she tried to score points over BIL and it caused a massive argument between BIL and myself and also DH and myself as he has remained fiercely loyal to his brother.
Basically I have had to choose my relationship with DH over a relationship with ex-SIL. It's very sad but unfortunately I can't trust her not to try and use me against BIL. I have met new gf once, I am polite to her and him but nothing more.