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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a house guest at the same time as my baby is due?

122 replies

Lorraine265 · 30/10/2017 20:07

Who IBU?

I am due to give birth to DS2 in 3 weeks. My DH wants his cousin to come stay with us at the same time as she’s has just got a job in the uk. She is in her mid twenties and currently lives in Paris.

I don’t want her to stay when I have just had a baby but my DH thinks I am being unreasonable. He has stated that i never want to help his family out. When I stated that I simply expect to be put first having a baby he replied that it’s not a competition and i should not be bitter. If I don’t let her stay I would effectively be making her homeless ( his words).

On a practical note we live in a 2 bedroom flat and it would mean that ds 1 would need to sleep in our room with us and the baby. I suffered with depression after having ds1 and really don’t think this will be good for me.

So who IBU?

OP posts:
ShimmeringBollox · 30/10/2017 20:08

He is being a dick.
Hth.

PaleMoonRising · 30/10/2017 20:08

He’s being a douche, yanbu

ProfessorCat · 30/10/2017 20:09

Your DH. I wouldn't want anyone staying just after childbirth. I'd insist it wasn't happening.

MissEliza · 30/10/2017 20:09

No no no!

QueenArseClangers · 30/10/2017 20:09

He's a cunt. Tell him to get tae fuck.

Iloveacurry · 30/10/2017 20:10

He’s an idiot! Yanbu

Appuskidu · 30/10/2017 20:10

He is being an arse.

MistyMinge · 30/10/2017 20:10

Quite simply YANBU. He's being a massive thoughtless wanker.

MinervaSaidThar · 30/10/2017 20:10

When I stated that I simply expect to be put first having a baby he replied that it’s not a competition and i should not be bitter.

What an awful think to say to your pregnant wife Sad

Does he always put you last?

You are 100% NBU. Hold your ground. The last thing you need is a houseguest.

Ts27 · 30/10/2017 20:11

I think your husband is being unreasonable. Having a baby is s big deal and you never know how the baby will be or if the mother will be ok (difficult birth etc). I think you're justified in saying you don't want her staying with you and perhaps make it clear that had it been any other time you would have been ok but you really need to focus uninterruptedly on the baby.

Marmighty · 30/10/2017 20:11

Good grief, that sounds ridiculous, yadnbu.

Also, why on earth would she want to stay with a family who had just had a baby in the two bedroom flat? No no no.

PsychoPumpkin · 30/10/2017 20:12

He’s being an arse. The cousin can stay in a premier inn!

firawla · 30/10/2017 20:12

Yadnbu what on earth is dh thinking?! It’s actually quite worrying that he’s prepared to put you so low down in priorities like this! Cousin is bu if she expects to stay too

Fitzsimmons · 30/10/2017 20:12

You're husband is an arse and if you live anywhere near Cumbria I will happily come round and tell him to his face.

AnonEvent · 30/10/2017 20:12

You are absolutely and definitely not being unreasonable. He is being short-sighted, or just completely thoughtless.

Please show him these responses, his demand is not appropriate, and your reaction is completely normal.

dontdipyourhairinthebeanjuice · 30/10/2017 20:12

Do not compromise on this.

YANBU.

No freaking way would I agree to this.

cheesydoesit · 30/10/2017 20:12

YANBU. She's not even there to help out, she's there for (I assume) a free bed while she starts a new job. How condescending of him to say 'it's not a competition' and to imply you are bitter. He sounds like a gaslighting shit.

exexpat · 30/10/2017 20:12

So he thinks all four of you, including a newborn baby and an older child, should share one bedroom? I predict you will last one night...

If he is so worried about his cousin being 'homeless', he can pay for a hotel/airbnb, or help her find a room in a shared house before she arrives.

Iseesheep · 30/10/2017 20:12

I'll be in the complete monitory but I think you're being a bit unreasonable. She'll be out at work all day and on the evening you can ask her to help out with the family. Squishing into one room isn't ideal but not the end of the world. I really couldn't see family left to their own devices if I could help.

But you'll have plenty of MNers agreeing with you!

DartmoorDoughnut · 30/10/2017 20:12

He’s being a total cock

MagicMoneyTree · 30/10/2017 20:12

I can’t actually believe you have to ask! YANBU. He is. Most normal people wouldn’t even entertain the idea of this - especially when they’ve done it once before (ie know what they’re letting themselves in for) and especially when it involves more upheaval in your first child’s life than a new sibling alone will bring. What an absolute arse.

helen650 · 30/10/2017 20:13

You are being totally reasonable.
Your DS1 shouldn’t have to come out of their bedroom and sleep in your room - it’s not fair if the baby’s crying etc.
You’ll want to feel comfortable if you want to breastfeed.
You’ll have enough to sort out with your own children and won’t need to wash more clothes/cook or think about an extra person so soon after having a baby!
Also you have to protect your mental health! Your DHs cousin should rent a flat/room like other people do when they get a job: perhaps your DH can help her find somewhere?
Good luck with your new baby x

Butterymuffin · 30/10/2017 20:13

No, there's no room for her.

What's the 'you never want to help my family' about? Has he tried to foist people on you at a bad time before?

Fuckoffee · 30/10/2017 20:13

He is being unreasonable. Really really unreasonable.

ElfEars · 30/10/2017 20:13

YADNBU! Not only is he completely not considering you but he isn't thinking of your DS1 either. His sleep would be so disrupted sleeping in the same room as a newborn. Has he completely forgotten what having a new baby is like?