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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a house guest at the same time as my baby is due?

122 replies

Lorraine265 · 30/10/2017 20:07

Who IBU?

I am due to give birth to DS2 in 3 weeks. My DH wants his cousin to come stay with us at the same time as she’s has just got a job in the uk. She is in her mid twenties and currently lives in Paris.

I don’t want her to stay when I have just had a baby but my DH thinks I am being unreasonable. He has stated that i never want to help his family out. When I stated that I simply expect to be put first having a baby he replied that it’s not a competition and i should not be bitter. If I don’t let her stay I would effectively be making her homeless ( his words).

On a practical note we live in a 2 bedroom flat and it would mean that ds 1 would need to sleep in our room with us and the baby. I suffered with depression after having ds1 and really don’t think this will be good for me.

So who IBU?

OP posts:
pictish · 30/10/2017 20:39

Agree that your dh is a donkey. How ridiculous.

Howsthings1234 · 30/10/2017 20:39

I can’t even believe the cousin would ask - I’d be embarrassed to put that on anyone, even a sibling let alone a cousin!!!! I can’t even believe your husband would entertain the idea?!?!? He is so out of line. It would be a very firm no from me.

Standingcat · 30/10/2017 20:41

Does she know that you are due then? I wouldn’t go and stay with people if they had a small child and a new born.

Starlighter · 30/10/2017 20:42

Just read a thread about cheeky fuckers and now this! What the hell is wrong with people?!

This is beyond unreasonable!! He needs to put his wife and children first. Your poor DS too, so much change for him, he shouldn’t be turfed out of his room amongst it all to share with a newborn?!?!

Your DH is being a deluded dickhead! What is he thinking?!

Intercom · 30/10/2017 20:43

YANBU! If it is either your wishes or the cousin’s, in that “competition” you win. Every time. Of course you should come first to your DH, and so should your new baby and other DC.

Theresamayscough · 30/10/2017 20:43

It’s not doable for one hour let alone one night or any longer.

Your dh is a complete twat. Where are your parents in this? Where are his? Surely they could put him right.

If he lives need Worcester tell me where and I will happily come round and punch him.

CherriesInTheSnow · 30/10/2017 20:43

Oh dear god I am due in less than 2 weeks and the very thought of having someone come and live in our little 2 bedroom house at the same time we become a family of 4 I would lose my shit.

Also the way he talked to you about it was horrible, even if he is ridiculous enough to consider this an okay plan - not acceptable. Does he act like this towards you often? :(

GoldfishCrackers · 30/10/2017 20:44

Oh FFS HIBU. “Not a competition”? If you can’t expect your DH to put your needs and the needs of his DC first in these circumstances then when?

All 4 of you in one room? So DS1 gets pushed out of his room to share with a crying newborn, so he’ll get no sleep (the knock on impact of this will make life more difficult for you too). How not to foster a sibling bond.

And in a new place knowing no one the cousin will be hanging about your house in the evening when all you’ll want to do is sit on the sofa with your tits out having the odd cry along with the baby.

His cousin is old enough to get a job in a new country; she’s old enough to get somewhere to stay. I would have been mortified at that age to be crashing at someone’s house when there’s obviously no room and in the midst of a new baby coming home.

LadyLapsang · 30/10/2017 20:47

Just no - this is a crazy idea. And for some reason I expect your DH won't be taking his paternity leave so you will be left to be the gracious hostess (cook, cleaner etc.) on your own.

Intercom · 30/10/2017 20:47

Get your DH to send his cousin the address of the nearest youth hostel or “house shares/rooms to let” local website. Or contact her yourself and say it doesn’t work for you but you’re sure she understands.

expatinscotland · 30/10/2017 20:49

NFW!! 'Yeah, it is a competition. I'm having a new baby and need space and privacy. She can't stay.' 'You never want to help out my family.' 'You are perfectly capable of finding her another place to stay. I have my own family, this one, that you chose to make with me, to consider first.'

KatharinaRosalie · 30/10/2017 20:49

She'll be homeless? Your Dh has not heard of those wonderful inventions called hotels? Hostels? AirBnB? Etc.

JaneEyre70 · 30/10/2017 20:50

So he knows and understands that both of your children will have to share your room, you will be exhausted, and he expects you to have a houseguest on top.
What a charming man.
Get in touch with the relative yourself, bypass him and explain loud and clear to the cousin that 4 people in a 2 bed flat leaves no room for guests so there is no misunderstanding.

HomeWorking · 30/10/2017 20:52

If I was the cousin I wouldn't even want to put you in this position and your husband shouldn't expect you to have house guests. You absolutely need your own space at this special and often difficult and very tiring time. Visitors for half an hour yes but no more!

Iflyaway · 30/10/2017 20:53

Ask your "DH" why his cousin's needs override his wife's and her pregnancy, i.e. his child.

fuck him, sorry

Theresamayscough · 30/10/2017 20:54

And op your dh sounds cold and cruel to you love I really do feel worried about you with a man like this.

Original poster
Lorraine265 · 30/10/2017 20:56

Just showed this thread to husband.

Cousin will not be staying.

OP posts:
Bea1985 · 30/10/2017 20:57

Please show him this thread OP. Do not give an inch, and if he throws a hissy fit, fuck him! Let him get on with it.

The cousin must have parents to look out for her and/or the ability to look for an air bnb. She is in her twenties ffs.

Does she know that you are due in 3 weeks and that you have a small flat? If so, I'm amazed she'd even consider intruding like this.

Seriously, if my husband pushed something like this I'd be threatening to go and stay with my parents until he sees sense (and apologises profusely).

mysecret321 · 30/10/2017 20:57

Your husband is being a prick. I don't want anyone in the house apart from dd and dp, never mind a cousin! It should be about you now not what his cousin needs...

Bea1985 · 30/10/2017 20:57

Excellent !

NewMinouMinou · 30/10/2017 20:58

Are you alright, op?
How did he react?

frumpety · 30/10/2017 20:58

Can she cook ? seriously though , is the cousin even aware that you are about to have a baby ? Does she really want to live in a house with a newborn when she has a new job ? or is this something that is being organised between other members of the family ? Not sure why but this smacks of Cousins parents and DH's parents making assumptions .

Theresamayscough · 30/10/2017 21:01

Dear ops dh,

Please step up and show your pregnant wife some bloody support and empathy.

There is no competition. Your wife clearly is the most important person in your family at the moment and her needs should he your top priority.

Grow up and be a man.

Love Theresa

PugwallsSummer · 30/10/2017 21:01

He’s an epic BELLEND

I’m guessing he did very little to support you, either practically or emotionally, when DS1 was born, otherwise he would know that what he’s asking of you is completely fucking unreasonable.

😡

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/10/2017 21:02

🙌

The last thing your DS1 needs, when he'll likely be feeling pushed out by a new sibling, is for a random relative to take his bedroom!!

Wow, I hope your DH has apologised