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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a house guest at the same time as my baby is due?

122 replies

Lorraine265 · 30/10/2017 20:07

Who IBU?

I am due to give birth to DS2 in 3 weeks. My DH wants his cousin to come stay with us at the same time as she’s has just got a job in the uk. She is in her mid twenties and currently lives in Paris.

I don’t want her to stay when I have just had a baby but my DH thinks I am being unreasonable. He has stated that i never want to help his family out. When I stated that I simply expect to be put first having a baby he replied that it’s not a competition and i should not be bitter. If I don’t let her stay I would effectively be making her homeless ( his words).

On a practical note we live in a 2 bedroom flat and it would mean that ds 1 would need to sleep in our room with us and the baby. I suffered with depression after having ds1 and really don’t think this will be good for me.

So who IBU?

OP posts:
SilverSpot · 30/10/2017 20:14

He is being a complete and utter toad, and I'm sure the cousin wouldn't want to stay if she knew the situation!

Potentially your PND was caused by having a total weaker of a husband,....

MyBrilliantDisguise · 30/10/2017 20:14

No way. And I'm wondering whether his behaviour is why you suffered from depression after your baby was born.

Appuskidu · 30/10/2017 20:14

How old is the cousin who has asked to come and stay? That is extremely presumptuous! Coming into someone's home which would force them to sleep with a baby and an older child so the themselves could take the other bedroom is beyond selfish!

bastardkitty · 30/10/2017 20:14

Your H is ridiculous!

ElphabaTheGreen · 30/10/2017 20:14

I posted a similar thread just before my DS2 was born, as my DM was insistent that my cousin come and stay with us when he had just been born. It was a near-unanimous ‘your DM is being completely U’.

Apart from anything else, what sane, childless person would want to stay in a flat with a newborn?? They fecking shriek! At God-awful hours of the night!

I ended up taking it up directly with my cousin who, it transpired, had no intention of staying with us and our newborn shrieker. It was a bee that existed only in my DM’s bonnet. Could your ‘D’H’s relative be of a similar mindset? Are you able to take it up directly with her?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 30/10/2017 20:15

Your DH is BVVU. That's a stupid idea. Apart from anything your DS1 will get woken up continually by the baby too and none of you will get any sleep. Tell him to find her an airbnb or cheap hotel til she finds a flat share. She's in her 20s not 14! Actually tbh she probably won't want to stay in a small flat with a newborn and small child anyway, unless she's completely oblivious to everything normally.

Sugarcoma · 30/10/2017 20:16

Sorry but I agree with PP your "D"H is being a complete dick. I spent the first three months of my baby's life walking around topless desperately trying to get baby to latch. I couldn't have any guests let alone someone staying with us and that's setting aside the fact your flat doesn't permit for it.

Please hold your ground - speak to his cousin directly if you have to, she may not even be insisting. And if she is then she's a dick as well and it's worth falling out with her for.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 30/10/2017 20:16

New baby arrives and older child nkt only has sibling rivalry but simultaneously loses his room to a random cousin and parent's at preoccupied with visitor and baby all the time. I could see that causing some long lasting wounds you'll be healing for years.

stonecircle · 30/10/2017 20:16

No, no, no. NO!!! Ridiculous idea. He’s being a complete arse!

Fruitcorner123 · 30/10/2017 20:22

Please dont allow this... and all the best for the new baby.

GrockleBocs · 30/10/2017 20:22

I'm sure she'd be on top form for a new job spending all night, every night listening to a crying newborn. As well as an exhausted mother and toddler. She'll need really great earplugs.

EvilDemonRaspberryOverlord · 30/10/2017 20:26

Also, given this husband's attitude, what's the betting he expects OP to carry on with the bulk of the housework, given the cousin will be out at work?

OP, YADNBU, your DH on the other hand.....

mindutopia · 30/10/2017 20:29

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. You are surely not the only family she has in the UK. If she's living in Paris, she isn't hurting for money I'm sure. She can Airbnb her place at home and afford to pay to stay somewhere here, or stay with other family. I'm sure there must be someone who isn't giving birth then! Or a friend. Surely she has friends?

My mum lives overseas. I don't even let HER stay with me around my due date. She can only come at least 4 weeks after baby is born and she has to stay elsewhere as we just don't have the space, it's too stressful, etc. She's totally understanding of that. I feel like surely this cousin doesn't want to be kept up all night with a crying baby when she's trying to make a good first impression at her new job.

MyOtherNamesArePants · 30/10/2017 20:30

Just a quick one - how long is your DH expecting your cousin to stay? Is it just for one night? Or three? Or for over a week/month etc.

One night I think kind of just about do-able. But longer? Nah.

He really, really hasn't thought it through has he?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/10/2017 20:31

Definitely not. When very pregnant/with a tiny new born you're surely let off helping out the in laws. Bad idea to move DC1 unless you never want them to sleep either (because overtired children are so much fun).

TrinityBelle · 30/10/2017 20:31

That's fucking ridiculous. Your husband needs a good kick up the arse.

SemperTemper · 30/10/2017 20:32

No fucking way!

MrsMozart · 30/10/2017 20:33

That would be a No!

2017SoFarSoGood · 30/10/2017 20:34

you poor thing. Let your DH see this thread.

OP's DH: You are an ass. Shame on you. Truly. Shame. Angry

Moussemoose · 30/10/2017 20:35

Why would the cousin want to stay in a flat with a newborn?

Just why?

Cousin must be the most insensitive person on the planet. Apart from your DH

kaytee87 · 30/10/2017 20:35

Jesus your husband sounds like a dick.
Yanbu!!!

Ausparent · 30/10/2017 20:37

What everyone else said.

What a moron...

PastysPrincess · 30/10/2017 20:37

YANBU

The cousin managed to get themselves to Paris in the first place with no where to live, she can sort it out the other way.

peanut2017 · 30/10/2017 20:38

YANBU your dh is being a shithead. He should know what it was like as you already have one child. There is no way in hell you should be expected to entertain someone when you have just had a baby.

Unless she is going to help you out and look after your other child otherwise they can both feck off.

You have more important things to be worrying about before having another baby.

DavetheCat2001 · 30/10/2017 20:38

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