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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a house guest at the same time as my baby is due?

122 replies

Lorraine265 · 30/10/2017 20:07

Who IBU?

I am due to give birth to DS2 in 3 weeks. My DH wants his cousin to come stay with us at the same time as she’s has just got a job in the uk. She is in her mid twenties and currently lives in Paris.

I don’t want her to stay when I have just had a baby but my DH thinks I am being unreasonable. He has stated that i never want to help his family out. When I stated that I simply expect to be put first having a baby he replied that it’s not a competition and i should not be bitter. If I don’t let her stay I would effectively be making her homeless ( his words).

On a practical note we live in a 2 bedroom flat and it would mean that ds 1 would need to sleep in our room with us and the baby. I suffered with depression after having ds1 and really don’t think this will be good for me.

So who IBU?

OP posts:
NikiBabe · 30/10/2017 21:02

He's a cunt. Tell him to get tae fuck.

Pretty much.

I dont understand people. I never fail to be polite and never our stay my welcome.

I just couldnt do that to someone.

HermionesRightHook · 30/10/2017 21:03

Hope all is OK with you - it was a really daft idea. Did the cousin even know about the circumstances? I can just about see someone asking not realising the due date and then being told "it's fine we have an eight bedroom house and a cleaner" in a fit of generosity, but not if she knew she was kicking a small child out of their room when a baby was coming!

LagunaBubbles · 30/10/2017 21:03

Ok so shes not staying....but what kind of man would say that about a competition in the first place?! Hmm

UnRavellingFast · 30/10/2017 21:04

My ex used to spring things like this on me and make me feel like a bitch if I didn't bend over the minute any of his friends and family might want to come To THe UK and stay at a moment's notice and for a fuck of a long time. One guest stayed a year without me being consulted. He Is Ex for a number of reasons and this putting me last behind anyone from his country was a biggie. Keep perspective and enrol family on your side to speak for you if appropriate. you do need someone to stand up for you. It should be your H but that's another story I guess!

UnRavellingFast · 30/10/2017 21:06

Oops x posted! So pleased you did that well done and good result. Cousin could well be mortified if she knew what was going on in her name, I would be!

GlitteryFluff · 30/10/2017 21:07

Hope you're both ok and he's not thrown a wobbly.

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2017 21:09

No way No way No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She can rent a flat or rent a room with a family. She i snot homeless if she has a job and your dh has three weeks to find temporary or semi temporary or permanenet accommodation for her, or she does that for herself.

Your Husband (I will not say dear husband) is being monumentally selfish. Your son will be quite upskittled by a new baby and needs stability, but most of all YOU need to have a calm home life so you do not have any further post natal depression.

If yuo need it and it helps enlist the help of a family member from either side of the family.

This woman will not be welcome in your home, she is HIGHLY unlikely to feel comfortable and at ease with a new baby, a family in a small space and a new job and it is in her best interest to find accommodation elsewhere.

Your husband is a monumental nob, sorry. Thanks

semideponent · 30/10/2017 21:10

This actually happened to me. It was so difficult we had to ask the house guest to leave in the end. I found it difficult to cope and DC1 (this was just after the birth of DC2) couldn't cope at all - new baby and house guest represented a complete catastrophe in terms of my attention and DC's sense of security.

Fortunately the house guest in question was a good friend and very understanding - still a friend all these years later.

But in answer to your question, OP, this is not a good idea and DH should drop it.

eggsandwich · 30/10/2017 21:10

Tell him don’t be so fucking ridiculous!

So it’s ok for ds1 to be evicted from his room, and having to get use to a new sibling and a guest staying at this crucial bonding time as a family he’s a bloody idiot and she must be an idiot to think its ok to do it as well.

I suggest you show him this thread then he might see how unreasonable he’s being.

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2017 21:12

Ah ha, I thought there were 2 pages not 4, I missed your update. Grea news. Is he OK? Is he giving cousin ideas for what to do re accommodation?

Inertia · 30/10/2017 21:15

Glad he's seen sense. Hope he isn't sulking.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/10/2017 21:16

Oh dear I can't imagine showing him this thread has done much good in the marital harmony Confused

Hope you are OK OP xxxx

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 30/10/2017 21:17

I would actually laugh in his face if DH suggested that to me. Not that he would. A 2 bed flat, he must be out of his mind! Surely his cousin wouldn’t want to stay under those circumstances?

Choccablock · 30/10/2017 21:19

At first I thought your DH was being unreasonable. Then I read you live in a 2 bed apartment and 4 of you would be sharing a room Shock

He is being hugely unfair on you.

ladybug92 · 30/10/2017 21:20

I had my DHs brother stay with us when I gave birth to DD1, it was horrible and I wouldnt wish it upon anyone. I couldnthad breastfeed freely, cry freely, be myself because I had to host. And we have a 3bedroom. No way, I wish I had stood up for myself. I will never have that time again and it was truly tainted.

Just refuse, your DH might be grateful in the end

DJBaggySmalls · 30/10/2017 21:21

'Bitter' seems to be the go to insult for men that Reddit.

Funnyonion17 · 30/10/2017 21:24

Wow, just wow.

I'm glad your DH has seen sense, but something tells me his selfishness may go beyond this one incident.

I honestly can not think of anything worse then to have just given birth with most likely the baby blues, bleeding heavily, in a lot of pain and the full family squashed in one bedroom with zero sleep and trying to figure out how to stop the baby crying etc. He's bonkers

Lillygolightly · 30/10/2017 21:25

Yes he is totally being unreasonable. Just weeks after I'd given birth to DD2 my DH's best friend had rented out his flat but failed to sort himself any other accommodation. DH went to help his friend move out and ended up bringing friend home to live with us. Ok fair enough his friend is my friend too and I wouldn't want to see him in the street etc. What made me lose my shit was when friends GF who didn't even live with him moved in with us too, without even asking!!!! The nursery I had all set up became their room, annoying but whatever but it was things like coming down in the morning to empty beer cans left everywhere, or hairs left in the shower etc. Cleaning up after 2 extra adults after having just had a baby was exhausting, oh and no money was ever offered for their keep. Such selfish behaviour from the both of them was utterly disgusting, I put up with it for 2 months before they were gone. Neither of us are friends anymore after that fiasco!!!

Ploppie4 · 30/10/2017 21:26

Send your DH this thread

He’s being idiotically selfish by not putting his wife and newborn baby first. Honestly what planet is he on?! She can easily find an Airbnb or youth hostel. While the first few weeks post birth are so essential for bonding and recovery

Ask your midwife to talk some sense into him.

2017SoFarSoGood · 30/10/2017 21:28

so very glad you did show him it. Also so very glad he is not as much of an ass as it seemed. Good on him. Now you go enjoy the last bit of pregnancy and let us all see the new arrival when he/she gets here.

Good luck! Flowers

Sweetpea55 · 30/10/2017 21:29

What a tosser.. Of course his sister wont be homeless,There's loads of places to stay in London
And whats with her anyway,,foisting herself on you when she knows youv just had a baby,,Its bloody inconsiderate,

MrLovebucket · 30/10/2017 21:31

I'm one of those strange people who didn't give a flying fuck about who stayed at our house after giving birth as long as I wasn't expected to cater for them.

YANBU if it means your son sharing a room with you - that's where I'd draw the line. If you don't have a spare room then she can't stay.

Willow2017 · 30/10/2017 21:31

Glad he has found his brain!

What a ridiculous sugestion. Hope he steps up when baby gets here. If not post on here we will put him straight 😉

Theresamayscough · 30/10/2017 21:31

Jesus what some of you poor women have put up with beggars belief!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/10/2017 21:32

The very thought of it ..... what a selfish knobber he is.
A totally unacceptable time, for any guest, no matter who they are.

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