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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm out of control and dangerous

150 replies

deerandthemoon · 30/10/2017 14:20

Being totally honest here, but I think I need practical advice not a kicking.

I keep losing it. I lose my temper and I want to scream and I take it out on myself, punching myself in the face and yanking my hair out.

Obviously, it doesn't "help" but it's quite calming in an odd way.

But anyway, it obviously must be frightening for children to witness.

I should probably step away shouldn't I?

OP posts:

deckoff · 30/10/2017 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StorminaBcup · 30/10/2017 19:30

You can self refer to IAPT (psychological therapies). You can do this online and they’ll follow it up with a phone call assessment to see what assistance you would most benefit from in the immediate term.

I agree that anti-depressants won’t be the best solution for you OP. I think you need behavioural intervention from what you have illustrated above. It’s fixable - you’re not bad or horrible or worthless and your family definitely won’t be better without you. You just need to find a new way to cope with your emotions as you’re stuck in this current pattern of behaviour. It can be changed

AgathaF · 30/10/2017 19:45

You really need to go back and see another GP. Write how you feel and what you do down and give them it to read. Or take someone with you (your husband?) to help and advocate.

Ignoring it is not going to help.

BeachyKeen · 30/10/2017 19:51

Every time you refuse to get help, either through your doctor, a councillor, meds, social services etc... You are also saying you won't help your kids.
That's not fair on them, that you won't engage with helping yourself. Your job as a mother is to model for them, how to look after themselves.
Would you deny them help if you saw them hurting so bad? Would you want your kids to be brave enough to get help?

Ceto · 30/10/2017 20:02

If you can’t express what’s wrong when you see your doctor, write it all down for her. You really need to go before you get seriously unwell. I don’t want to be alarmist, but if you don’t address this now you could reach a point where you don’t have a choice.

peachy94 · 30/10/2017 20:50

As someone who witnessed my dad have a mental breakdown at 11 yo please please please get some help. Speak to your GP, MIND, simaritans even go to a hospital and tell them you are hurting yourself. I know it’s not the same thing as what you are going through but it was very traumatic as I imagine seeing one of your outbursts is. Please don’t leave your children they need you but they need you to be mentally and physically well. I know it’s hard to face but you need to do it for them

AtSea1979 · 30/10/2017 20:55

Could hormones be to blame? I was totally out of control and realised it seemed to happen every few weeks. I took medication to stop my periods and it was like an instant cure. Totally turned my life around.

Original poster

deerandthemoon · 30/10/2017 21:07

The thing is, the G.P. could not have been less interested, and I know why.

We all know mental health is at crisis point, and it just exists to try and stop people killing themselves.

With my rages they aren't frequent. Last time I lost it like this was maybe June? It's in that heat of the moment, if something has really frustrated me and it's like all this pressure of frustration and hatred comes flying out

And there is no cure. I am resigned to that quite honestly. I am better than I used to be mainly because of the children, but sometimes that control just goes.

OP posts:

Anatidae · 30/10/2017 21:14

You’re assigning a set of thoughts and motivations to your gp that just don’t exist.

, She was listening to you and you left. However embarrassed or ashamed you feel about that, you’re transferring the blame onto her. By saying she wasn’t interested and refusing to go back you place all the blame for the encounter on her, absolving yourself of any responsibility.

In reality: you attempt to raise a difficult and emotionally charged issue with gp. Gp listens. You find it overwhelming and leave. You blame gp rather than assign blame to yourself.

Anatidae · 30/10/2017 21:16

Are your rages a similar mechanism? Triggered by an inability to cope with strong emotion, feelings of guilt or situations where you dislike how you’ve reacted?

Original poster

deerandthemoon · 30/10/2017 21:19

I don't think so. They can only offer counselling or Ads.

OP posts:

toomuchtooold · 30/10/2017 22:27

I think it's possible both that the OP is reluctant to take help, and also that the NHS is unlikely to be a lot of help. Services are stretched, and it's my experience too that you have to be very close to the edge before they'll do much to help you. But that doesn't mean there's no cure, OP.

Branleuse · 30/10/2017 22:35

i think it sounds a bit like autistic meltdowns. I wonder if looking up a bit about autism in women might be interesting to you

ADayGivingMeHope · 30/10/2017 22:38

Your children do not deserve to lose their mother.

But you do need help.

Try Mind / the Samaritans.

There’s an absolutely fantastic support forum for mental health run by mind called Elefriends.

washingmachinefastwash · 30/10/2017 22:39

Have you been to your GP?

I have felt and behaved similarly a long time ago. I felt worthless and angry but couldn’t figure out why. After some counselling and medication, I started to feel better and I’ve never looked back.

You are not alone in feeling this way.

Please seek help from a medical professional.

Tryingtogetitright · 30/10/2017 22:52

Hi deerandthemoon

Haven't read all the posts but just wanted to say it sounds like me... I had counselling and it really helped. With me it was all traced back to my brother being born when I was two and my Mum being away in hospital for a fortnight. The way I understand it is the fear and anger gets trapped because you're too young to understand what's happening and you're told to "be good" so you bottle it all up. Because you then never learn coping strategies it bursts out of you in violent rages, a bit like toddler tantrums. I used to punch walls, bite myself, pull hair out - I was scared because I knew I was overreacting but I couldn't help it. It would usually be over silly things and I would be so ashamed and embarrassed afterwards.

Anyway I had counselling for six weeks and am so much better. Seven years on and only one incident in all that time (used to be monthly). Unfortunately I had to go private as noone really understood - on the surface I remembered a perfect childhood. But that few weeks at a tricky age had a massive impact.

All the best. Be kind to yourself.

beingsunny · 30/10/2017 23:06

Hi OP,
Sorry to hear you are struggling like this, it sounds like a form of self harm, it’s not as uncommon as you think.

You need to see a councillor, keep a diary of your triggers and they will help you unravel them.

In the meantime, if you can’t overcome the other, take yourself some where private, I know that sounds daft as the advice should just be stop doing it but it’s not that easy in the moment.

A therapist will help you to manage this and give you tools to help break it down and get it under control, don’t be ashamed just seek some help with it

Woollycardi · 31/10/2017 09:08

Also, mental health services are stretched, but that isn't a reason not to use them! They exist for every single one of us. Please just go and get help. I agree with the poster above, witnessing a parent having a mental breakdown is terrifying and can shadow a child's life.

Itsonkyme · 31/10/2017 11:42

Just come back to this thread.
We're going round in circles here.
We have offered tons of advice of what to do i.e contact Gp, Mind etc.
Op just comes back with, she can't, won't or doesn't want to.
She also mentions that these anger episodes only happen every three to four months and she knows that there is no cure.
Can't think what else to suggest here folks, so I'm out.

AliceTown · 31/10/2017 12:29

No cure for what?

deckoff · 31/10/2017 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsonkyme · 31/10/2017 13:03

AliceTown
Presume she means a cure for self harm. Don't know what she meant really.

missevelina · 31/10/2017 13:14

You keep saying you won't go to your GP or seek help from anywhere.

I think that makes you very selfish. I understand that you are not well but you will scar your children for life if they are raised in this kind of environment.

I grew up with a mother who battled various mental health issues and who would also refuse medical help/counselling. This resulted in quite a traumatic childhood and I have been no contact with my mother for the last 12 years.

Do you want to lose your children? If you carry on like this, it will happen, one way or another.

If you don't want help for yourself, do it for them.

AgathaF · 31/10/2017 13:41

And there is no cure. I am resigned to that quite honestly - that sounds like you are now taking no responsibility for your rages, because you feel there is no 'cure'. There is though. There is help out there, but you need to be proactive and determined to get that help.

itshappening · 01/11/2017 12:11

You say there is no cure, but this is not an illness. It doesn't require a cure, it requires treatment and management. Stop kidding yourself, get out of denial now before you are years on looking back and wishing you had got more help for the sake of your family and yourself. You are being stubborn and closed minded and while they may be related to your other issues, it still has to be challenged. Look at every assumption, every statement or thought....and challenge it. Eg, 'the GP thought it was a waste of time'.....but what if I am wrong about that? What else could have been going on? Even if this GP felt that does it mean all of them will or I have to give up?

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