To hold a reveal party for....

[Emilybrontescorsett]

My new house?
I'm thinking I could do with some cash as buying a new house is very expensive.
So after the wave of baby shower/gender reveal/henparties/stag parties/weddings etc etc
I've thought of having a kitchen reveal party!!!!!
It would go something along the lines of
Please come to my kitchen reveal party, where I will reveal the worktops/surfaces/units I have chosen, along with flooring choice.
Please bring either a starter, main or pudding plus a bottle of fizz, make sure it is not from Aldi !!!!
Please no cheap crap!
I will enclose a gift list but really really would prefer cash.
If you do happen to bring a gift( and not cash, which is much preferred,) then it must be only from the list and on no account be from any other shop than John Lewis
If you do not live near a John Lewis then please give me cash.

I'll include a tacky poem too.

Anyone who doesn't come will be deleted from my friends list on fb after I have posted a sarcastic meme about only true friends support you in times of need and those who don't can fuck off and die!

What do you think?

I wonder if you have any friends who although not close enough friends to invite to the event would be happy to come in for the day the day before the event and blitz clean the house for you? Of course you would expect them to bring their own cleaning materials and to follow your own cleaning rules.

Just make sure when you send them the save the date you change the date, it would be too embarrassing if they turned up on the day in their cleaning outfits when your proper guests have made the effort to follow the dress code and look smart!!!!

You will be sending individual invitations with a poem about how wonderful it is to give cash donations and bank details, won’t you?

You could offer two types of service dependant on how much they’ve contributed. Stark, cold room with portaloo for tight bastards with hors d’ouvres made out of grass.

Ahh yes a jaunty little poem about how only cold cash will cut it,no surprise gifts
Cash only or they can fuck off

The raffle prizes could be your old kitchen items, so your guests can take away your grotty old kettle and you won't have to take them to the tip.

Why not? It's no more grabby than these cheeky poems from couples who have absolutely everything and want you to pay for their honeymoon in an exotic place where you couldn't dream of affording. At least OP has a new kitchen to equip. I hope you'll be hiring a marquee for the overspill.

Get some helium balloons printed up with stock photos of your new kitchen of choice, and fill a box with them for that ultimate "reveal" moment.

Make sure you send your 'Save The Date' cards to at least a third more people than you intend to finally invite. I think you should aim for a weekday, all-day event (no children). Your true friends won't mind taking the day off work or making childcare/after-school arrangements.

And say all boxed gifts appreciated especially a new Smeg fridge.

Bouncer at door,if they turn up shabbily dressed (eg cheap high street) direct to the portaloo in garden

Don't forget a gift list/register with the stuff you want

Send out in advance Gift list from an expensive store, minimum entry price £500

I'm not sure you should have it at your own house (think of the mess?!). Is there an obscure location at least 200 miles away from everyone that your guests could inadvertently pay for?

The gift list should only include the items required for your new kitchen, ideally.

Is there going to be a kitchen themed cake? Like a cake in the shape of um a cake?

I'm guessing Ewen has gone to look for their missing sense of humour...

OP I am a bit disappointed that you've gone as mass-market as John Lewis. Why not go for the more 'exclusive' Heals? Even though it's £37445345 for a single candlestick in there. Give your guests a challenge - you know you're worth it and it's the least they can do for you.

Don't forget to invite people from overseas oz/nz preferably and throw a strop when they decline.

...do you have a gofundme ?? We should all be able to contribute.

Ahh yes invite overseas guests and impose prohibitive conditions must stay in hotel at own cost

Genius idea, still laughing at you being called a Plank though

You will need staff, in uniform that they pay for themselves (bridesmaid style)

Will you please post a few of your strops in the run-up?

WTF IS A REVEAL PARTY?

An American get together where the couple 'reveal' the babies sex by real Ewing balloons or cutting up a cake where the middle is pink/blue
People bring food and drink and gifts

If it applies to babies why not kitchens? We've had a new bathroom and could still do with a few bits .... who wants to come?

Do it. It’ll be like that awful Hammonds advert where the woman has all her friends queueing up to look at her ‘new fitted bedroom’.

The new fitted bedroom where it is in no way a clever storage solution because the room is fucking huge!

Dont forget to "acquire" traffic cones and no parking notices to put up in your street to reserve parking for your guests. I'm sure your new neighbours will be understanding, and will probably be happy for you to use their bins to dispose of all your extra rubbish after the event.

The staff in uniform could be local kids dressed in butler gear.like servants
Give em some haribos, a tray of canapés and tell them to get on with it or else

I might hold a designer bag reveal party inspired by the op - will it be Gucci? Will it be Chanel?

Plank though! That's made my day for some reason.

VIQUES Can't the guests just park on/over her neighbours drives?