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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP has ‘found his faith’

147 replies

Grumpybear16 · 27/10/2017 06:40

Be kind please. My DP has been very odd this past week, claiming that he suddenly has found his faith and talking excitedly about it. It’s all he thinks about and he didn’t sleep at all last night. He is being a much kinder more attentive person, but I’m worried it might be a mental health issue. AIBU to think this? Does anyone else have stories about finding faith?

OP posts:

RidingWindhorses · 27/10/2017 10:31

Mental health issue for sure. By way of comparison, I'm an atheist who knows 3 devout Christians, all of whom are doctors. I've never seen behaviour even remotely resembling this, they are all calm, rational, lucid, hardworking, down to earth.

Foxysoxy01 · 27/10/2017 10:35

I would echo as all the other posters have said that he really needs to see a DR and/or physiatrist.

Ignoring the religious element for a second It's worrying that he gets so involved in things (manically involved?) and then switches so quickly to the next thing.

The lack of sleep and paranoia is a big red flag also.

Add into it this sudden devotional religion and it paints a real mental health issue.

I am not against religion I am member of the Church of England and if you could guarantee your Rector was like ours (very level headed, modern views, not at all over zealous) and would absolutely agree it was a mental health issue then that would be fine, but there are many Priests/Rectors/etc that would cement the problem and maybe even make it worse.

It's going to be hard going for you for a while OP. I wish you every luck and hope your DH gets the help he needs.

Ellendegeneres · 27/10/2017 10:38

This was nearly me several times, with undiagnosed bipolar and psychosis. I visited several churches, read up loads, spent weeks sleeping barely an hour a day. Severe mania.
If it's this, once diagnosed, help is so welcomed because you find your normal. Before diagnosis I didn't know what normal was, I was forever jumping all over the place and never settled.
Please try and get him to see a dr- or call mh services in your area and tell them you'd like the home treatment team to come out and do an assessment

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 10:50

It does sound like MH problems to me, and I also am a committed Christian. I also agree with the PP who suggested that going to church would be a good idea, as there would be people who would look out for him. You could then ask to see the minister/vicar yourself to discuss your concerns.

It’s very true that MH problems can present as religious mania.

Foxysoxy01 · 27/10/2017 10:51

" or call mh services in your area and tell them you'd like the home treatment team to come out and do an assessment"

This sounds like a really good solution for you OP and less stressful for your DH.
I imagine it's more likely he would agree to it?

yorkshapudding · 27/10/2017 10:52

although I don't think speaking to a vicar is necessarily a bad idea, I would wait until he's seen a doctor and started any relevant treatment.
Not because I think a vicar would pray on his weakness or jump on the new convert - more that if he IS having a psychotic episode he may not interpret what the vicar is saying in the way that the vicar intends!

This 100%. If a medical professional confidently determines that OP's DP is safe and well and that this is a religious conversion rather than illness, then no harm whatsoever in him having a chat to a vicar about what he's experiencing. But if he is indeed in the early stages of a psychotic illness then any interaction with a vicar or similar is likely to feed into his delusional thinking. Even if the vicar says all the right things, that won't necessarily be how OP's DP interprets them.

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 11:04

I should have said, of course he should see the GP, and actually a responsible minister at a reputable local church would help you convince him. They don’t ‘prey on the weak’.

1DAD2KIDS · 27/10/2017 11:15

Faith can be a powerful thing. I am atheist but I have grown up around people of faith. My ex father in Law was a drunk and a bit of lad in his youth. Finding Jesus changed him mainly for the better. It even inspired him pretty much single handedly build a church (proper brick one). But I know it has put a strain on his marriage. His priority always seems the chuch and I know this causes tention. Plus he's always trying to save us all. Oh and he was convinced (based on bible prophesy and events at the time) the end of days was up on us at least a couple of times since I known him.

sinceyouask · 27/10/2017 11:15

I'd advise trying to get him to see a doctor, and if he won't agree, that you contact mental health services in your area and seek their support in getting him assessed.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 27/10/2017 11:16

Not read in full, but I'm another with a friend who had a similar experience. She was overworking and we just thought she needed a rest, but this progressed to a belief that only she could do the job, help others, etc., to a full blown belief that she was a messiah here to show others way.

Her "nervous breakdown" included quoting from the book of Revelation all the time, as evidence that there was a worldwide plot that only she and a few chosen others knew about and had to tell us all in order to save us, that all computers had to be eliminated NOW, etc. Rapid speech, lack of sleep, all were symptomatic of what would later be diagnosed as bipolar, but it took a few episodes/years before that happened. I too would seek medical advice alone in the first instance, so you get good advice on how to persuade him to get help. My friend resisted intervention till she was eventually sectioned and treated that way. Not nice.

trixymalixy · 27/10/2017 11:33

My DH "found God" when he was going through some mental health issues.

I would get him to the GP.

Clandestino · 27/10/2017 11:49

The extreme enthusiasm and mentioned short-term changes in opinions on religion, politics etc. are a signal of a mental health problem.
Nothing to do with religion even though many religious groups prey on exactly this type of people as they make for extremely useful members.

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 12:01

*The extreme enthusiasm and mentioned short-term changes in opinions on religion, politics etc. are a signal of a mental health problem.
Nothing to do with religion even though many religious groups prey on exactly this type of people as they make for extremely useful members.

That, again, is really not true of reputable churches. People with MH problems are not ‘useful members’. It is true of some religious sects though

purpleangel17 · 27/10/2017 12:11

I am a Christian who has lost and regained my faith a few times as is normal. I think this level of zeal is suspect and possibly a manic episode. A good vicar would probably refer to a mental health practitioner.

purpleangel17 · 27/10/2017 12:11

Seeingadistance · 27/10/2017 12:11

Nothing to do with religion even though many religious groups prey on exactly this type of people as they make for extremely useful members.

In my experience, people who are experiencing the type of mental health crisis which seems to be the case with the OP's husband are the very opposite of "extremely useful members". In a church context they have the potential to be very disruptive and do a lot of damage, not least to themselves, sadly.

People who are experiencing this kind of crisis are very vulnerable and need to be supported and treated by medical professionals. Support from church can also be helpful, but that would be more in the case of someone who already has a live church connection, which isn't the case with the OP's husband.

LynetteScavo · 27/10/2017 12:26

I know someone with an almost identical story. And yes, they had mental health issues. Sadly they didn't have anyone close enough to them to notice how bad things were, like your DH has, OP. You need to seek help now before things get out of hand.
It was the church who supported my friend, and ensured he saw medical professionals even when he didn't want to.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 27/10/2017 13:11

I was on a training course for vicars recently on MH and the big take away message was that church communities can be hugely supportive for people with a variety of issues but we need to know when to ask for help from the professionals. This does sound like one for the professionals.

Original poster

Grumpybear16 · 27/10/2017 15:04

Thank you all for the amazing response. I have a bit of news. He called me earlier crying saying he had been and booked a Drs appointment as he really didn’t feel hinself at all and he didn’t believe all the things he was thinking but his mind was everywhere and the more anxiety he felt the more his mind tried to find relief in these crazy thoughts. He thinks this might have been brewing for years and it was a phsychotic episode. He’s going to tell the GP everything. He has been apologising a lot. He tells me he is agnostic but still wants to follow the bible as he believes that that is the route to happiness (he had a happy religious childhood, Sunday school, etc). I know it’s not all resolved and there will still be hard work ahead. I’ll be hiding this thread later as I would hate for him to find it. Thanks again for your responses.

OP posts:

hiddley · 27/10/2017 15:16

That's good news. I feel sorry for him.

reflexfaith · 27/10/2017 15:17

I'd say it's a good sign that he has such a lot of insight into whats going on with him.
I hope everything works out well for you both :)

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 15:21

I’m so glad that your DH has decided to seek medical help, OP. Sorry he’s going through this.

Anatidae · 27/10/2017 15:40

Hope he gets the help he needs.

Seeingadistance · 27/10/2017 15:44

I'm so glad to hear that your DH recognised that he needed help and took the first step in making sure he gets it. That's really positive.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 27/10/2017 16:30

Glad to hear this OP - it's a really good sign that he himself has been able to understand what is happening and take appropriate action to look after himself.

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