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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has ‘found his faith’

147 replies

Grumpybear16 · 27/10/2017 06:40

Be kind please. My DP has been very odd this past week, claiming that he suddenly has found his faith and talking excitedly about it. It’s all he thinks about and he didn’t sleep at all last night. He is being a much kinder more attentive person, but I’m worried it might be a mental health issue. AIBU to think this? Does anyone else have stories about finding faith?

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 27/10/2017 07:41

So sorry to hear that Toffee Sad

Frouby · 27/10/2017 07:41

My ex stepfather had mental health issues. He always 'found God', then lost Him, then hit the jack daniels, then usually hit my mother.

It all sounds a bit manic to me OP. Does he have family still around you can speak to?

Original poster
Grumpybear16 · 27/10/2017 07:48

Ok, so I didnt think I was that worried before, but now I’m very worried. The thing is, he says he’s aware that he might sound crazy but I’m to trust him that he’s ok etc. He used to be religious when he was growing up and he lost it along the way. He’s reading the bible and he said it makes perfect sense to him now, it’s all logic. He’s forever getting things into his head and then they pass onto the next thing. He doesn’t think he’s an angel or a messiah, but he does want to spread his belief. He wants to be a better person and add value to his life/other peoples lives. He’s been very detached this last year or so, going to the gym all the time, spending ages on his computer. Now he seems more engaged.

OP posts:
allegretto · 27/10/2017 07:56

I agree he needs to see a doctor. This happened to a family friend who started "speaking in tongues" and unfortunately it wasn't taken seriously for quite a while and they decided to consult a church rather than a dr.

annandale · 27/10/2017 07:59

'I'm aware that I might sound crazy' sounds very much like 'I'm aware that I DO sound crazy'

Possible response:

'I am feeling concerned right now because this is so different for you. I'm especially worried that you're not sleeping because that's new and it's not good for anyone. What do you normally do if you're not sleeping and new ideas are in your head? Would you consider seeing your GP?'

HeteronormativeHaybales · 27/10/2017 08:00

It sounds as if he has a bit of a history of throwing himself into ideas/activities as a coping strategy, but that it might be escalating/getting more intense and less connected to reality. This certainly sounds a bit hypomanic and it's possible that it might be the prelude to a breakdown.

Tell him that this is an unusual way to behave and you would like him to see a doctor. If he assures you he's fine, tell him you'll be delighted to be laughed out of the room by the doctor and him if his assessment is agreed with, but you do just want to check. If he flat out refuses to go, go yourself.

HumphreyCobblers · 27/10/2017 08:00

Will he see a doctor do you think?

It does sound worrying.

Shoxfordian · 27/10/2017 08:03

I think you should encourage him to see a Doctor

Jasminedes · 27/10/2017 08:07

Speak to the duty GP yourself today, or your DH previous mental health team, they will need to assess him, so can guide you as how best that can happen.

HardHatForTesco · 27/10/2017 08:09

Has he re found his faith on his own or is he attending a local church where he can find support? New converts can be very enthusiastic but I would be concerned in your shoes it does sound like he could have some mental health issues (and I say that as a born again Christian).

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 27/10/2017 08:10

As a reality check, if he is feeling this religious he needs to be in church on Sunday. There is nothing like getting out of bed and engaging with real people to sort out the wheat from the chaff. Does this experience prompt him to get involved with food banks, night shelters, Christians Against Poverty or any of the other projects his local church will be involved in? Or is it that he has the answer and needs to share it with the world? Churches are frustrating as you have to work with other people and the leadership will be concerned with training and safeguarding and all those other responsible things. If your husband is unwilling to,work with others it may be a sign that all,is not well.

Religious experience is very real. Some MH issues present with religious language. Any experienced priest or minister will be used to this and should suggest a visit to the GP to check everything out.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 27/10/2017 08:10

I would definitely ask him to see his GP. You are clearly very uneasy about him, and rightly so - i am not saying his GP will be able to do anything immediately, as your DP will probably meet the mental capacity requirements, but I think engaging with the GP now will be very useful if anything escalates.

annandale · 27/10/2017 08:21

Of course he likely has capacity, but the GP can assess his mental health for starters, and most crisis teams etc will need contact from the GP, it's rare to go straight to them even if you are already well known to the service.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/10/2017 08:24

another speak to the gp from me. It does not sound "normal" for a new convert, though they can be sometimes a little over enthusiastic.

babba2014 · 27/10/2017 08:25

He doesn't sound ill at all. He seems to have woken up to what's really going on in the world. Just don't go too deep as it can get depressing but faith helps to keep afloat. Basically he could just be aware of what people with religion believe which is this world is temporary and there is a after life. But even people with faith are 'asleep' and forget that. He will probably get over it and get back to normality. If not just keep up to date with him to see whether he is going crazy or not!

picklemepopcorn · 27/10/2017 08:26

How is his life changing? If he is happier and more engaged and using his time effectively, then it could be just early excitement. If he's distractable, erratic, letting important things slide then perhaps it’s a mental health problem.

salmonofwisdom · 27/10/2017 08:29

A lot of people have suggested going to a GP for this, which seems very odd advice considering we've been told already that he has been on antidepressants before. The GP is therefore already on the radar here.

It sounds to me like this is not an uncommon issue, and most faiths, including the Church of England, have well-trodden paths for people going through this situation. Nothing that has been said here strikes me as odd in a religious context, and a good vicar should be able to offer support and a guiding hand through a dark night of the soul.

I would agree that seeking advice from a religious context would be helpful here. Why are people so scared to suggest this when it's been the most stable method of self- and community help for thousands of years? However, if this is really something that you don't want to recommend, the other option would be a psychiatrist who, unlike a GP, would have the time to really talk and work through such issues without resorting to drugs and drugs alone, which is not what he sounds like he needs.

Leilaniii · 27/10/2017 08:30

Tell him to go on Instagram and read the posts by Atheist Jane. She talks a lot of common sense and that might help him back down to reality. If he is upset about the state of the world, then perhaps he could do something about it like someone mentioned earlier? Help at a soup kitchen, for instance?

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 27/10/2017 08:30

Couldn't read and run!

It would be a huge red flag for meOP.

A friend of mine 'found god' and became all consumed by it at the start of a long mental illness including a psychosis.

My dad has schizophrenia, also becomes very obsessed with god, voodoo and black magic, when he becomes mentally unwell. He's been hospitalised several times and said many of the patients are obsessed with religion, either because at the time of becoming/being unwell they're trying to make sense of things/life and/or are looking for understanding/protection.

It's also very common to believe other people can't see what is really happening and don't have the insight that they have. My dad used to say what if everyone in the hospital are the ones that can see what is really happening and everyone on the outside can't which is why they're accused of being mad. In reality it's all part of their delusions.

Keep a really close eye on him and as it's (potentially) a mental illness you can speak to his GP for advice without your DH's knowledge.

smallmercys · 27/10/2017 08:32

At uni in mental health studies we were taught that 90% of delusions involve religion in one form or another.

chipsandgin · 27/10/2017 08:36

I'd echo PP's and say Doctor is the way to go, it does sound like the beginning of something serious (and if you can speak to or see the Doctor privately before, even if it is by phone consultation, to express your concerns and tell them the full story then they can interpret whatever your husband says when he goes). Good luck OP Flowers

annandale · 27/10/2017 08:41

Salmon - I agree that a psychiatrist may be needed but they will need a referral from his GP. My husband has schizoaffective disorder and a long (loooooooong) history of treatment by psychiatrists and CPNs and all sorts, but he is currently stable-ish on his recommended medication and is under the care of his GP, he has no open care with the psychiatrist at the moment. If he has a mental health problem, he goes to his GP who will ask for advice from or refer him back to the psychiatrist.

TBH of course he can go to the vicar as well but the thing is, he sounds ill. He is not sleeping, he is talking about having found the logic that holds the bible together, and crucially as another PP said, he isn't finding joy in some form of communal expression of religion such as going to church, volunteering or giving in some form, he is doing this all on his own. I agree that most ministers of religion are pretty experienced at dealing with this - and the most likely thing they will do is suggest he sees his GP.

Anatidae · 27/10/2017 08:41

He does not need to see a vicar. That’s the worst thing you could possibly do - please don’t do it (I say that kindly.)

Your second post lists several symptoms that are very worrying:
Paranoia
Conviction that he is being persued/watched
Dissociation
Religious mania
Loss of sleep

These are symptoms that could suggest a number of extremely serious conditions

You must be so worried about him. He needs urgent medical care - today if possible.

CherriesInTheSnow · 27/10/2017 08:46

Yeah we know one guy with ongoing mental health issues who has been through Buddhism, Spiritualism and now is a somewhat fanatical Christian, I have made DH distance himself from him (he was a very close friend from school age) for various reasons after we helped him out a lot - but I do think people suffering with underlying issues can be very vulnerable or reliant on a construct like religion and can become very serious about it very suddenly.

I'm obviously not saying all religious people are like that but yes I would be worried.

CherriesInTheSnow · 27/10/2017 08:47

Wow, please listen to Anatidae Shock

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