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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has ‘found his faith’

147 replies

Grumpybear16 · 27/10/2017 06:40

Be kind please. My DP has been very odd this past week, claiming that he suddenly has found his faith and talking excitedly about it. It’s all he thinks about and he didn’t sleep at all last night. He is being a much kinder more attentive person, but I’m worried it might be a mental health issue. AIBU to think this? Does anyone else have stories about finding faith?

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 27/10/2017 09:38

I'm a former atheist, now a Church Minister after a sudden and unexpected Damascus Road conversion, which was not at all as described by the OP's DH.

I agree that this sounds like a mental health issue. To the pp who suggested that someone like me would try to draw him in, you couldn't be more wrong. I would be very concerned and trying to find a way of making sure he was able to get appropriate help, which could not be provided by me!

BlondeB83 · 27/10/2017 09:38

Go and see your GP, alone to talk at first. Go today. Flowers

OverinaFlash · 27/10/2017 09:39

I don't think speaking to your GP is jumping the gun, it's just a conversation with someone who can help to ascertain whether your DH needs help, how much help, and how urgently. You can't be expected to make those decisions yourself as even if you were a mental health professional, none of us can think as clearly when it's our own loved ones. If nothing else, I think you might feel better if you speak to someone as soon as possible who can advise you. Flowers

Ttbb · 27/10/2017 09:40

Definitely sounds like a mental health problem. Be very careful (especially if you have children together) and see if he settles down or it goes away. Maybe encourage him to see the GP 'about the lack of sleep' and go with him, ring up the mania once you get there.

borntobequiet · 27/10/2017 09:41

I am not religious, but a religious upbringing has made me deeply suspicious of all religions and the harm they can cause.
However, I know someone who became "born again" and went on to be a much happier person and a wonderful force for good, founding an orphanage in Africa and introducing many practical schemes to better people's lives. But your husband's situation sounds different. Given the back story, it does look like a MH issue. Monitor the situation and as pp have suggested, persuade him to see the doctor re sleeping etc.

KitKat1985 · 27/10/2017 09:42

Hi OP. I'm a mental health nurse. Reading your posts there are several 'red flags' which to me would suggest a manic / psychotic episode rather than 'normal' religious experience. I think you need to contact your GP. Flowers

Buscake · 27/10/2017 09:48

My husband has bipolar disorder - this sounds like a manic episode to me. Please speak to a doctor

C8H10N4O2 · 27/10/2017 09:51

I don't agree that the vicar is a bad option - but might be more useful for you to speak to them. Your standard CoE vicar is more likely to help you convince DH to seek MH help than to blindly grab a convert causing concern in the family.

I've known a few people convert at different ages. Getting religion is not a MH issue in itself but the pre-existing history and erratic behaviours would make me want to get it checked out again.

yorkshapudding · 27/10/2017 09:54

OP, I am a former Mental Health Nurse (now a practicing counselor) and I agree with the vast majority of posters that this could be the beginning of a significant mental health problem. Particularly in view of your DP's history, this is something that needs to be assessed. I would strongly advise you to contact your GP Flowers

OnASummersDay · 27/10/2017 09:55

Definitely call the doctor. This is not religion bashing - but if the OP's husband has not shown signs of this before and it's all come about in the last 48 hours, and he has a history of depression, I would say that it is much more likely that there is a medical issue than him having actually found his faith.

Good luck OP, this must be so difficult for you. Well done on staying calm Flowers

keeponworking · 27/10/2017 09:56

The online advice for suspected psychosis is to seek the advice of a GP urgently. I'm sure if you phoned your surgery and said it's an emergency you suspect your partner who has been treated for depression is suffering a manic episode and psychosis and could be at risk to himself and you need him seen/referred to a MH team. For him as another PP so cleverly suggested, you get him there under the guise of 'let's get your not sleeping sorted out'. It's definitely a MH situation that needs addressing quite quickly. Sadly and whilst this doesn't fit with 'don't go to A&E unless you really should', but if you don't get the response you need, go there instead saying you were unable to get a GP appointment, you're worried about him as there was a previous death, there's previous (and existing?) depression and on review, there's been worrying behaviour for some time but it's recently rapidly changed with conversations around being part of an exclusive group and an obsession with religion. I do hope you manage to get something sorted OP Flowers.

HaHaHmm · 27/10/2017 09:56

Faith in itself is not a mental health issue, regardless of the prevailing and highly patronising view on MN.

However, I agree with pp, esp. Anatidae, that in this context and with the behaviours that you describe, your DH needs help. All the best to you both.

reflexfaith · 27/10/2017 09:58

I imagine that experienced members of the clergy are well versed in this sort of thing?

YellowFlower201 · 27/10/2017 09:59

Cherries scroll up why don’t you.

That’s exactly what podiumfinish said.

Peregrane · 27/10/2017 10:01

It's your follow-up post that had me worried, OP. Would he agree to going to a GP? But I would really not couch this in terms of "you found religion, this makes me think you are having MH problems".

To the posters who are equating religion with mental illness - Wow. You do realise you have just branded a large swathe of the people reading and posting here as mentally ill?! As well as 37% of the UK population and 51% of the entire population of the EU who believe that there is a God, the vast majority of the population of the globe, or this specific list of eminent scientists who happen to be publicly Christian: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Christians_in_science_and_technology. How limited your view on life is.

Peregrane · 27/10/2017 10:02

(reference to the proportion of religious populations: <a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20101215001129/ec.europa.eu/public_opinion/archives/ebs/ebs_341_en.pdf)" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20101215001129/ec.europa.eu/public_opinion/archives/ebs/ebs_341_en.pdf)

annandale · 27/10/2017 10:03

Can I just say it's not about cleverly manipulating him by talking about sleep, it's about raising the issues that concern you honestly. The rethink leaflet about mental health crisis is good, on their website.

dreamingofaname · 27/10/2017 10:13

Couldn't read and not comment here.
OP I experienced mania aged nineteen, it was initially amazing and then terrifying..I can identify with a lot of what you describe. I am glad I got medical help quickly.
I now work in mental health care; your posts show red flags for mental health crisis as other posters have detailed. Please contact your gp.
Also to add if it is a manic and/or psychotic episode then although very frightening, recovery is possible with support...most people who know me don't know I have been manic and would never guess. Please look after yourself too, supporting a loved one in crisis is hard and you will need support too

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/10/2017 10:14

I'm so sorry you are going through this. If I were you, I would write a letter to your DPs GP, explaining how he is acting, and your concerns.
His doctor will find a way, to get him to the surgery.
You do need to do something, he doesn't sound very well, and the lack of sleep won't help.💐

hiddley · 27/10/2017 10:20

It sounds like a psychotic episode to me. Would he happily go to a GP? We all know it's virtually impossible to get an emergency appointment, particularly this late in the day, so A&E may well be your only option.
I would emphasize to you that this is very serious and both he and you may well be in danger. An ex of mine had a psychotic episode (not a religion related one) but he had auditory hallucinations of a man telling him to kill himself.

This is urgent in my opinion. I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.

EleanorAbernathy · 27/10/2017 10:24

Hi OP - this sounds very similar to when my DH had a manic episode a couple of years ago, especially the not sleeping yet feeling OK and the sudden clarity about everything.

Please get him to see a GP as soon as possible as it can escalate very quickly. It did with DH and he ended up being sectioned, I went from not sure to terrified over the space of a weekend! As we caught it fairly early, as soon as he started the antipsychotics he did come down very quickly.

DH had always been slightly religious so as an atheist myself I'm not good at spotting what's normal religion and what's mental health issues- DH himself says there is a very fine line there however he still attends church now.

With DH it started with him getting more and more paranoid about issues at his work but at the same time more and more confidence in his own ability at work to the point he talked obsessively about it. Then he started reading the bible and watching religious videos on YouTube a lot - this led on to him first thinking God was speaking directly to him - and that God was speaking through me which was rather worrying!

PesoisaTool · 27/10/2017 10:26

Notanumber the behaviours OP has mentioned are possibly indicative of deep-seated angst. Possibly. Given the bereavement of his mother, this could be a delayed reaction. It would do no harm to seek medical advice and perhaps ask the GP what else to look for.

MerryMarigold · 27/10/2017 10:29

I converted 'back' to religion after being brought up religious and then abandoning it in my teens and early twenties,, but it wasn't really like this. Yes, the fervour and enthusiasm, but they came more gradually. It happened over weeks not days. Yes, the bible reading, but again it was a gradual growth. I don't want to diss someone else's religious experience, but I think the obsessiveness, suddenness as well as as history of getting 'into things' sound less like 'road to Damascus' and more like 'needs help'. I would encourage him to seek help and if he is really ok then he's lost nothing. If he isn't ok then it could save him, physically as opposed to spiritually. If he comes crashing down from this, it will be a bit late to start getting the help as all these wheels take time to start turning. If he won't go, I would go to his GP just to record it, so they have a background in place, if anything further happens.

EleanorAbernathy · 27/10/2017 10:29

Forgot to mention - although I don't think speaking to a vicar is necessarily a bad idea, I would wait until he's seen a doctor and started any relevant treatment.

Not because I think a vicar would pray on his weakness or jump on the new convert - more that if he IS having a psychotic episode he may not interpret what the vicar is saying in the way that the vicar intends!

It helped my DH to attend church during his recovery as he could see what was normal and grounded rather than manic and delusional.

EleanorAbernathy · 27/10/2017 10:31

Oops religious typo there! prey on his weakness not pray!