Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

The end of that video is fun :)

Right, I'm off to put some "Jo"s to work.....

I sometimes have to take calls for the Financial Controller of the company I work at.

I would say 95% of people, if I say the Financial Controller is not available, ask me to 'get him to call me back' or 'when will he be back in the office?'

They just assume! I take great pleasure in saying that SHE will be back later!

I left him with my very bewildered freelance carpenter
This seems weird to me. Of course he's a plonker, but why leave him to go his own sweet way, causing hassle for yourself as well as for him and his company?
Why not put him in his place and get the job done?

violet that's almost doubly patronising - for him to make a mistake out on a job, think absolutely nothing of it and then tell you that a simple task is beyond you. The arrogance.

Mxyzptlk One, because he hadn't listened to a word I'd said in 15 minutes (I had been explaining to him about the different sill depths and window returns I needed upstairs and downstairs and his response was to say 'I wonder if this chap knows what's going on here?' while I was in mid-sentence and walk off), and two, because I was so angry by that point that either I walked away or I was going to embarrass myself by shouting at him and I was trying to stay professional in front of everyone else who was there.

It'll be interesting to see whether he comes out the next time I need windows replacing on a project - I get a pretty decent frequent flier discount with the firm and their work is generally excellent, so they're worth sticking with.

I want to be as mediocre as a mediocre man and get the same level of respect as he does

I might have pinched this from somewhere else but I have said that I will recognise true equality when there are as many mediocre women rising to the top as men.

I have worked in a senior position for years and it never fails to amze me how many mediocre men are in positions my cat could do more competently and how rare it is to find a mediocre woman in the same position.

I've only in 30 years of post Uni working met one senior woman who I thought was all window dressing and not really competent enough.

@TheLastPeg I know, right? It was months ago and I'm still annoyed about it!

This thread is funny (outcomes for the idiots) and depressing all in one.
But the most depressing bit is the fact someone actually believes women on the whole get thier jobs based purely on thier looks. Wtaf?

"women on the whole get thier jobs based purely on thier looks."

At a relatively junior level in corporate law firms (eg the appointment of trainee solicitors) I'm afraid sometimes they do. Good looks are a major advantage in industries where presentation is important.

Only competent woman get the jobs, but I have no doubt at all (having heard feedback from fellow interviewers) that if chosing between two candidates who seem equally good, the better looking woman will be appointed because of the belief (probably correct) that the client they want to impress will enjoy his meetings more if there is a good looking young woman present.

As that good looking woman becomes more senior, to the point where profits start to be divded up, it changes.
Don't sue me, I'm just the messenger.

Tbf, the reason why there are some pink computer/headsets etc... is because women do chose the pink one if it's available rather than the black one (Massive generalisation there but you get what I mean. If there wasn't a lot of women interested and buying said products, then the market wouldn't be there and the product wouldn't exist)

And it is also true that a lot of women just give up in front of any DIY type of project. And claim incompetence.

What annoys me is more the idea that somehow men still know a lot about DIY (which actually they dint anymore!) so tradesmen still talk to them first or assume they will know.
Whereas more women know now how to do some DIY but are still as incompetent...

I run a highly specialised IT system and joke I have the perfect team. There's me, with all the qualifications, and experience in both IT and in the profession of our client group. And then there's my junior colleague who has ....... a penis To be fair he's also very good at design and admin but he gets very confused when confronted with some of the more chunky tech questions. Not that this stops our clients from deferring to his expertise instead of mine.

By a quirk of both the specialism of my job and the way our organisation is structured, my line manager is both on the same pay grade as me and has absolutely know idea about the inner workings of my job. I take great pleasure in telling people who insist on talking to my manager when I cannot accommodate them as "He will be able to help" that they are welcome to talk to my manager but she will direct them back to me as she knows diddly squat about this issue.

Yep I had this when I went to test drive a car. I took my adult DS along for second opinion. After about 10 mins of being totally ignored I had to make it very plain who was buying.

Went to an IT exhibition to buy a particular type of specialist software for my department to use. Had a particularly dim witted male colleague from a different department with me. One salesman directed all the answers to my questions at my colleague. I spent our £60k with another supplier.

My ex-boyfriend owned a recording studio. I am a musician and learnt a bit about the recording side of things at that time. I had to go to buy a certain cable with certain style jacks, when I asked for it at the shop, the guy behind the counter sort of winged and said 'Are you sure? Do you wanna phone him?'. I was by myself.

Winced not winged.

I was a police officer for many years, being a senior officer I had the job of taking a probationary officers out on patrol. You will easily guess that when it was a male officer I would became extremely annoyed when dealing with incidents. I would start to speak and the member of public would immediately look at the male officer and direct the conversation at them. I obviously had to wade in as the probationers we’re clueless in some situations. I eventually started to take a step back with certain PCs as they thought they were he dogs bollocks and would try and talk over me, they came crashing back to reality when they had to ask me to step in. It probably didn’t help that I am only 5’4” tall, I was very petite (not so much now...solid, is what I’d call myself 🤣) and I was 26-30 yrs old during this time.

God this is depressing reading. I haven't had any of this at work I have to say, maybe because we have a relatively equal number of male/female employees including at the top. I feel lucky reading this.

Not exactly the same but when I went for my appointment to talk to the(male) dr about my sterilisation he asked if I'd discussed it with my husband first.

I don't have one..

Sorry not read the whole threat but could you put a massive sign up saying "Welcome to Sandra's office supplies. Our friendly team are Sandra (Owner) and Joe (Sales Assistant)" then you can do without badges.

Get yourself nominated for Woman if the Year in Business, then stick it everywhere "nominated for x award"

I get this daily especially from older men (and women, but less so than men) I work in mobile Comms in a retail store. I get asked what my dad does (because clearly a woman can't just know things, it must have been somehow passed down by a man) but mainly if I'm stood next to a male colleague they will turn to them and speak to them as if I'm not there. I then take great delight when they are referred back to me because I'm more senior and actually know the answer to their query.

What kind of shop is it? Not that it should matter, but I'm curious if you have a flower shop vs auto parts?

I make my deep voiced son call places bc he is treated better. My mother used to say, "penis doesn't equal brains!" Usually after speaking with a condescending person...male or female. Women prefer men as well.

I once got asked in an interview what my father did for a living. When I said he’s dead so nothing at the moment they looked very uncomfortable. I turned that job down, if they’re asking questions like that in the interview stage can you imagine what they’re like to work for?!

Same thing happens here. I work in an Opticians, my name badge literally says Senior DA on it, and people will still blatantly ignore me in favour of my junior male colleagues who’s name badge says Traniee DA. I’ve opted for saying not-so-subtly “Looks like I might as well go home since I’m invisible” to a nearby colleague once or twice. It’s so frustrating, especially when the male colleague asks me the answer to the question, I give the answer, then they reply to the male. Pisses me right off, and I make it known I find it rude too.

Drives my DH mad in computer shops when cocky young men talk to him like he's an idiot because if you are 70 you obviously can't know anything about computers. He likes to confuse them, ask obscure questions and watch them squirm. I have to walk away as it is painful to watch.

People can be stupid and yes it is annoying.

I have to say I've not noticed this too much, although if I say take the car to the garage it's only me - maybe if DH came with me, I'd notice that the staff there are talking to him rather than me. When we've bought cars together I've not noticed sexism. I've been quite surprised, maybe the garages we've been to have realised lots of women have money these days!

Yesterday though, DH and I went out for dinner as DS is on a school trip and I asked for the bill and it was given to DH even though I was going to pay....

But I fell into the trap myself earlier in the week. DS said that one of the teachers going on the trip was scared of flying. I said oh it's good of her to give up her time to go then. DH said "oh I'm glad it was your mother who assumed the teacher who was scared was female". To be fair only one of the teachers going is male, but hands up, I fell into that one.