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Original poster

Straw-poll please - Do you make breakfast for your DH /DP?

342 replies

rumginger · 25/10/2017 17:42

I told DH at 8am I would put this on MN and give him feedback, but he has no clue about this really.

I do usually make him breakfast in the mornings because I'm doing it for the DC as well, so fine. However, we're now into the second week of half-term which means I don't strictly need to be up at 6.30, but I'm kind of in the habit and the cats need feeding anyway. So this morning I had made him poached eggs with salmon on muffins and this is what he actually said to me - "Is there no hollandaise sauce with this?"

Firstly, as if anyone can be bothered to be faffing with egg yolks that early. Secondly, I told him most people would be lucky to get breakfast made for them at all. I don't think I am BU, but could MN please confirm that he is on his own planet to even ask such a question?

Thankyou.

OP posts:
sweetbitter · 27/10/2017 13:58

Et, no way would I make DP a meal unless I was already making one for myself/DSS. Unless there was a special reason like he was ill or exceptionally busy or I wanted to treat him for some reason. YANBU!

OrSoItSeemsThatWay · 27/10/2017 16:13

If I just said I'm not doing it anymore, he would think I was being obtuse or having a drama just for the hell of it.

OK. What I'm getting from this is that he positions himself as the rational man with important things on his mind, while you're the feminine domestic helper, and if you express dissatisfaction with his expectations, then likewise you're having one of those over-emotional female moments. So he can easily fend off any suggestions (even implicit ones) that you want him to do things differently as you being emotional or dramatic. You don't want to seem emotional, dramatic or unreasonable (who does?) so you continue meeting expectations, but with a feeling that something is not quite right somewhere.

My suggestion for pushing back on this then is to do so incredibly cheerfully. You're not being resentful, emotional or dramatic. You're just incredibly busy. So you will be going about your business perfectly cheerfully, in a very positive mood, but with only a moment to say 'honey, you'll need to sort yourself out breakfast, I'm in such a whirl here!' Behave as if that's a perfectly reasonable expectation - which it is. Rather than make grand statements that he can dismiss as 'dramatic', just realign your priorities. If he says anything about how he hasn't got time, or he supposes he'll have to just go without breakfast, go with a 'ah, you can't manage it, oh well, never mind'. Don't jump in to fill the gap - allow yourself to look momentarily puzzled as to why a grown man can't make himself a slice of toast, then get on with what you have to do. He relies on you feeling that you should make breakfast for him and that not doing it puts you in the wrong, and you accept that and feel guilty. Don't be guilty about it, be cheerful but stop the automatic breakfast service and let him figure out what to do.

Original poster
rumginger · 27/10/2017 18:06

Orsoit - Your post made me chuckle because I can just picture his face in that scenario. I suppose so do need to try and reprogramme myself a bit, you are right. I have three boys so need to set an example around here!

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 27/10/2017 18:19

It's every man, woman and child for themseves at breakfast in our house. Get your own breakfast or you go hungry kind of arrangement. I do make DH a brew when I'm making one for myself though - not sure if that counts?

user1482573375 · 27/10/2017 18:36

Make breakfast at weekend for DP and 8 year old son. Nice fry up, we all enjoy. But I enjoy doing it and DP would happily do it if need be. Your other half sounds rude, but hard to tell if he is joking?

Scoobyloo11 · 27/10/2017 18:39

Rumginger - Wouldn't expect to have to sort DH's food out on a work/school day EVER - though most days it doesn't apply as I'm out the door early. If it's pancakes or something of a weekend, then yes - but that's for all of us.

The fact you posted suggests you know in your heart of hearts he was being a CF.

It's one thing choosing to spend time with him at that time of day if it's the only chance you get. But definitely row back from the fancy midweek breakfasts!!

MuseumOfCurry · 27/10/2017 18:40

If I'm cooking breakfast for my children, which I do most days, I cook something for my husband as well. It's no more work for me.

I can move through the kitchen without making a mess, it's my superpower, so I prefer it this way.

re: Hollandaise - do you normally make it, or have a jar?

ToadTheVampireThreadKiller · 27/10/2017 18:41

I leave something ready overnight. Bowl of yogurt with fruit, a breakfast bar, eggs or porridge to heat in the microwave, I don't get up to wait on him but I make it as easy as possible for a quick exit.

Tainbri · 27/10/2017 18:43

Arrived on this late, so sorry I haven't read all the posts. Sounds like you've spoiled your DH and created a monster! Grin He clearly seems to have confusion issues that he doesn't live in a hotel! When I clicked I thought it might be about a bowl of Frosties but it would have to be a milestone birthday for me to dish up Hollandaise sauce at all let alone for breakfast! Wink

SkaterGrrrrl · 27/10/2017 18:48

Hell no! I adore my DH but he's a grown man. No way do I make him brekkie.

KatharinaRosalie · 27/10/2017 18:50

OP, it's interesting what you said , If I ask him to do something for me, he will nearly always do it without moaning, like on the weekend, he was backwards and forwards to the tip because I had cleared stuff out

Unless the stuff you cleared out was solely yours, he was not doing anything for you. You cooking breakfast that he eats is doing something just for him.

ferrier · 27/10/2017 18:51

About twice a year.

MsJudgemental · 27/10/2017 18:55

Nope. he gets me coffee in bed and sometimes toast on the weekend or croissants for special occasions. He makes DS (17) breakfast if it’s term time but is quite capable of looking after himself.

Pillowaddict · 27/10/2017 18:59

Actially dh does breakfast most days, but if I'm up I do his - neither of us expect it or resent it because it is just something we know the other would do if downstairs first (the other is usually dressing kids or in the shower). No way would I speak to him like your dh spoke to you or vice versa. Respect and appreciate each other too much!

SkaterGrrrrl · 27/10/2017 19:19

Show him this thread.

Hollandaise Husband, you are treating your wife like a servant.

Hardly anyone makes their husband breakfast.

Start appreciating her; or better yet, learn to cook and make her breakfast!

CrabappleCake · 27/10/2017 20:14

During week, no, unless one of us is in a real hurry and would appreciate a bit of toast buttered. Sort ourselves out.theres no way I'd expect him to get up and make me breakfast if he was off or vice versa.

Both of our times are valuable, even up that's having a lie in.

Weekends take sort of turns for cooked breakfast.

Evenings are more of an issue at the mo.

Bluntness100 · 28/10/2017 17:15

Sorry op, I was being a little crude, I like you’re sweet misinterpretation though, 🤗

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