Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH has taken himself of to the pictures today?

67 replies

Scoobyloo11 · 25/10/2017 13:57

Context - he has 3-4 hours to himself each day (works from home).

He fills this time with his own hobbies (or the flicks).

He makes evening meals - but nothing that involves say chopping an onion - max 15 mins in the kitchen... And the ironing pile seems to be invisible to him.

I work FT - at home one day a week when I cook, usually something like spag bol, cottage pie etc.

DH thinks I'm jealous.

We haven't been to the cinema since about May...

OP posts:
Santawontbelong · 25/10/2017 13:58

Dh thinks he is single. .

stopbeingadramallama · 25/10/2017 13:59

It seems that your annoyed about more than just him going to the cinema.

DJBaggySmalls · 25/10/2017 14:00

It does sound like he likes the single life. Why wouldnt he want you to you do things together?

Butterymuffin · 25/10/2017 14:03

Well he'd be right, of course you're jealous - he has a better setup than you and is choosing to do fun things just for him rather than things that make both your lives better.

Do you have kids?

I'd stop cooking on your day at home and I'd stop ironing other than your own stuff.

afrikat · 25/10/2017 14:05

Why haven't you been to the cinema together since May? Have you suggested it and he's said no? Would you need a babysitter? Maybe he just wanted to see a movie and it was easiest to see it in the day. What would you prefer him to be doing? Ironing? Cooking? I feel like if a woman posted that her husband was pissed off with her for going to see a movie during the day instead of cooking or ironing everyone would be telling her to LTB.
If housework is an issue maybe sit down and agree between you how to split it better. Or buy clothes that don't need ironing...

Vitalogy · 25/10/2017 14:06

So how many hours is he putting in work wise?
Could you go part time?

InvisibleKittenAttack · 25/10/2017 14:14

Do you have dcs?

Do you earn similar amounts?

Could he earn more if he worked full time or is he doing the most he could realistically? (As in, if he is self employed could he pick up more work to work full time or could he not easily work /earn more)

Do you do similar amounts of housework?

Is the ironing pile about half and half yours and his, or is it mainly your stuff? Do you iron his clothes when you do your own?

The cooking if he picks up the slack elsewhere is not a big deal, if you are doing all the housework and he has all the leisure time, that is a problem.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 25/10/2017 14:14

Would you be moaning if he went and did something more suited to blokishness, like playing golf ?

Although, all this working from home for clarity does he have a proper job with a proper salary and a proper employer ... or is he shoving Betterware catalogues through peoples doors? Which people seem to class as a self employed business as though they are Alan Sugar. If it is the former, then provided his employer doesnt care what he's doing then really it's NOB but his own how he spends his down time.

trinity0097 · 25/10/2017 14:15

Is it something you actually want to watch. My DH went to the cinema alone yesterday to watch Thor which I didn’t want to watch. We are both having a week off from work at the moment.

Shakey15000 · 25/10/2017 14:23

Just go to the pictures yourself sometime? Confused

ReanimatedSGB · 25/10/2017 14:24

How much free time do you have? If you both get equal amounts - and particularly if he went to see a film that you wouldn't have liked - then YABU.

On the other hand, if the film he is watching is one you would like to see, it seems a bit strange that he went to see it by himself.

BenLui · 25/10/2017 14:25

You aren’t annoyed about the cinema. You are annoyed that he isn’t pulling his weight at home.

HouseholdWords · 25/10/2017 14:26

Sort out a fair division of household labour, and not along 'traditional' gender stereotype/sex role lines.

But he sounds a bit like a selfish man-child.

soberexpat · 25/10/2017 14:31

i went to the cinema alone on sunday. I'd finished all my work and had a few hours to myself. it would never occur to me that this is selfish and my DH didn't think so either - we both have good social lives apart and together.

fannyfelcher · 25/10/2017 14:37

I love the cinema, I do this all the time.

I am a full time MA student, part time teaching assistant, mum of 4, run a 5 bed house and have several serious illnesses. I do all the shopping, house work Monday to Friday and my OH works 6-6 x5/6 days a week (so helps with diy/housework of a weekend). But YES. I make time for me to watch a movie once a week ( or catch up on my TV) and I read 1-2 novels a week for pleasure as well as have a night out at my sisters. My husband often moans that I seem to have all the fun stuff and sit around doing nothing but that blatantly isn't true as my house is a bomb site within 24 hours of me not chasing the kids to do their jobs and keeping on top of it. He has openly admitted that when he gets snappy it is down to jealousy but that really is not my problem.

MirandaWest · 25/10/2017 14:44

I work from home. Generally 8am to 4pm although some days like today I have a split shift of 8-11:30am and then 5-9pm. Since 11:30 I have been to the gym, had lunch, had a bath and put a shepherds pie on. Haven't done any other house tasks although will need to pick DC up from school bus around 4 and am planning to make fudge before starting work again.

I do feel a bit I should be doing more household tasks in this time off but I've been doing A lot of overtime recently and I'm basically worn out. And things like the gym are good for me generally.
Is only one day a week I spend like this though

Shoxfordian · 25/10/2017 14:44

It sounds like you think he should be doing more at home and that's why you're annoyed

musicform · 25/10/2017 14:46

I might be going against the grain, but I would ask if he could wait until Im home and go with me. We dealt with the ironing pile by not ironing - it looks good after drying or it gets dry cleaned. If he has stuff to be ironed, tell him you are leaving it on one side for him

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 25/10/2017 14:52

This isn't really about him going to the pics, it's about how uneven your house workload balances are.

Original poster
Scoobyloo11 · 25/10/2017 15:15

We have 2 DCs.

BenLui Shoxfordian - You're right - I'm annoyed about the balance of who does what - and what he thinks merits his attention in his free time.

He has far more free time than me Reanimated SGB. I commute 4 days a week and am out of the house for 12 hours a day. On the other day I work from home myself and always make a "proper dinner", do chores etc.

If it was the odd day, or the odd film I wouldn't mind. But it's all the time.

I've raised it before and he dismisses my concerns.

His argument is it's important to do things you enjoy. His other hobbies are the gym and cycling (good to keep fit I know). He's also in a writing group and is writing his own novel.

Try to be relaxed about him doing things his way on the domestic front - but I feel like his reluctance to prioritise what he wants is great for him but not very healthy for us.

The other Friday I'd come home from work and overseen bedtime. Came downstairs at 9pm - having not stopped all day - thinking he would be on with dinner, but apparently since he'd done the previous few nights (eg jacket spud and a piece of salmon) it was my turn. This was despite him having finished his work for the day early that morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scoobyloo11 · 25/10/2017 15:16

He just thinks I'm jealous and wrong and thinks he does enough.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 25/10/2017 15:44

He has a really nice life doesn't he? Please tell me this writing a novel isn't his work or if it is then he's a published successful author?!

fuzzywuzzy · 25/10/2017 15:49

I suppose the sensible suggestion would be to sit down and make a list of chaired and divide them between the two of you.

Or oh could just do what you need doing for yourself and not do anything for him at all.

Or LTB.

What positives does he contribute to the family?

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2017 16:02

He has a great life doesn't he? I'm jealous, never mind you. He clearly doesn't mind that your life is worse than his.

Butterymuffin · 25/10/2017 16:09

So I assume you do have kids from the 'overseeing bedtime' bit. What's he like with the work of parenting? And what does he spend his weekends doing compared to yours?