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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman on bus got people to move for her toddler

363 replies

questioning1 · 25/10/2017 10:04

Not sure whether AIBU or not. Was on the rush hour bus this morning (in London) sitting on one of those raised high up seats at the very front of the bus.

A lady with a baby in a pram and a toddler (maybe 3?) got on the bus. She walked down the aisle past me and parked her pram, and said to the bus at large, 'Can someone move for my son please?'

I was always brought up to think that children make room for adults - for example they give up a seat for someone, not the other way round. Anyway a few mins later I turned around again and the woman was sitting in a priority seat with her son on her lap!

AIBU to think that 1) she shouldn't have asked for a seat for her son and 2) she shouldn't have sat in a priority seat herself once it had been vacated?

She then got off two stops later! I'm genuinely not sure if it's just me or not.

OP posts:
Seeyamonday · 25/10/2017 13:09

Keyboard warriors make me laugh!!

BaronessEllaSaturday · 25/10/2017 13:09

Children travelling at half fare do so providing they do not occupy a seat if an adult is standing

Wish my 6yo could travel for half fare but my local bus company use children as cash cows and it's cheaper to have her travel on an adult ticket.

Frege · 25/10/2017 13:10

Speak for yourself, Camellia.

ineverbakecakes · 25/10/2017 13:11

I have given up my seat in similar circumstances. It isn't just good manners it is common sense. Very young children are vulnerable and could go straight through the front window in an emerency stop situation.

I was taught to stand for adults as a child, but not at age 3. At that age my mum would have sat me on her lap, and a man would have given up his seat for her to do so.

musicform · 25/10/2017 13:11

I would have asked her to get off Hmm

itshappening · 25/10/2017 13:12

I think it is unwise to take young children on the bus during London rush hour unless you absolutely have to. Maybe she did have to, fair enough. It isn't just about lack of consideration for toner travellers, it isn't that safe for kids. I have been on packed tube trains where people have exhibited very anti social, even violent, behaviour, and both DPS and an ex colleague have told me very bad stories. For example, people trying to force themselves or squeeze on at stops and someone leaning out from the carriage and punching them in the face to keep them back. A heavily pregnant woman asking a man to give her a little more room as she was falling (obviously she did not have a seat but was just asking him to stop jostling). His reply...I couldn't give a fuck love I'm just trying to get to work.

Even without these nasty people, the transport can be crowded to the point where people cannot see what is going on in the whole bus/carriage, where moving to give a seat is an undertaking in itself, where even reaching a strap or pole is not a given. It is crazy to take a pram and a toddler into this unless absolutely essential.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 25/10/2017 13:13

A whole generation of young people are being raised to just not see other people around them and consider the needs of others.

I hear this all the time on here but is it really true? Becasue if it is then surely WE, as in the parents of this current generation are responsible? It just doesn't stack up to me.

LaurieMarlow · 25/10/2017 13:15

It is crazy to take a pram and a toddler into this unless absolutely essential.

In an ideal world, sure. Back in reality, many people in London don't have cars. Tubes are even less child friendly. Taxis are extortionate and walking can't cover everything.

What the fuck are people supposed to do?

WhatwouldAryado · 25/10/2017 13:16

The child was seated on her lap. I am confused by this thread. A woman asked for a seat for a toddler (not an older child) sat with them thus preventing them falling or messing about. Cue ranting people that "in their day" it wouldn't be allowed. And yet I am 42. I distinctly recall age 5 plenty of helpful people offering me a seat at that age when my mum struggled in to a bus with a fully loaded buggy and twins besides. You're wrong. There have always been people considerate enough to allow children to keep out of range of bags and knees and out of the way of passengers. Presumably there have always been unaware adults with no empathy for those around them.

Quartz2208 · 25/10/2017 13:17

Personally I think between the ages of 5/6 to 60 that it is a first come first served basis (for an able bodied person). Because why should an 8/9 year old who got on first give up their seat to a 30/40 year old and vice versa

Which is exactly why the priority seats exist to cover those outside the range that are capable of standing. The child was maybe 3 so clearly not old enough to stand safely and she asked politely - its a complete non issue

BakedBeans47 · 25/10/2017 13:18

She wasn’t BU to ask I suppose. You don’t ask you don’t get.

I wouldn’t have stood up though. I hate standing on buses and would only stand for someone who was disabled, elderly or pregnant.

LongWavyHair · 25/10/2017 13:18

Ah, now I was always brought up to think that people give their seats to someone in greater need than them

I was brought up the same. And as a result I'm not entitled.

FlowerPot1234 · 25/10/2017 13:19

FormerlyFrikadela01
A whole generation of young people are being raised to just not see other people around them and consider the needs of others.
I hear this all the time on here but is it really true?

Yes, sadly it is.

Becasue if it is then surely WE, as in the parents of this current generation are responsible?

Er, yes. That is the case exactly.

It just doesn't stack up to me.

Confused Why? Because this current generation is responsible for bad-mannered snowflakes?

LongWavyHair · 25/10/2017 13:20

bad mannered snowflakes

Pot kettle...

GrandMarmoset · 25/10/2017 13:21

When my child was a toddler I would lift her and hold her in my arms and then usually someone would stand and I would thank them and sit with her on my lap. Beyond toddlerhood she was brought up to stand for adults. I have severe neuro issue now and can't stand but was asked to stand by a mother for her rather chubby son of about ten or eleven. My problem is by no means , apart from my need for a stick, but still.... I politely refused, which is very assertive for me, and she huffed and puffed for her entire journey for 3 stops. Her little prince asked me why I wouldn't stand. I asked whether he was unwell or disabled in some way. His Mothers response was that he was a child and I was a disgrace!

LaurieMarlow · 25/10/2017 13:22

So letting 3 year olds go flying on buses that have to stop suddenly is raising 'bad mannered snowflakes' now?

Jesus christ, I absolutely despair of some people. You should be fucking ashamed.

Witchend · 25/10/2017 13:22

Priority seats often have mother with baby/toddler as one of the listed priorities.

stitchglitched · 25/10/2017 13:22

My experience has been that it is usually grown adults who are intolerant and impatient about my child's difficulties. I had a very positive experience yesterday with a kind and helpful teenager.

BakedBeans47 · 25/10/2017 13:22

When I was a kid and we got the bus and it was full my mum always made us stand. Well me and my sister, she sat down. She was only in her 20s as well.

BakedBeans47 · 25/10/2017 13:23

Having said that this is all hypothetical as I avoid going on buses at all costs

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 25/10/2017 13:24

FlowerPot1234

Nobody seems to want to take responsibility for it though hence why I don't actually believe it. Just look on here. Everyone's apparently raising their children to be respectful yet an entire generation is an entitled snowflake.

I think it's more a case of "youth of today, back in my day" sort of thing that has been going on since time began.

itshappening · 25/10/2017 13:25

Back in reality, many people in London don't have cars. Tubes are even less child friendly. Taxis are extortionate and walking can't cover everything.

I know this Laurie, I live in London and have disabilities that have made me very aware of the difficulties of public transport, which I rely on myself. I did say that she may have had to use the transport at that time. But where people can wait till say, half nine, it makes sense to do it. I was not saying there is any excuse not to treat people with respect on public transport, I was more saying people shouldn't put themselves through it unless crucial.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 25/10/2017 13:29

Wondered how long it would take someone to ask the question "if this was a man", change the bloody record love

I think you dropped your Daily a Mail, ‘love’

CamelliaSinensis35 · 25/10/2017 13:29

A whole generation of young people are being raised to just not see other people around them and consider the needs of others.
I hear this all the time on here but is it really true?

Err, yes. Research evidence does suggest that this is indeed the case:

"According to the empirical evidence, today’s emerging adults (Millennials/GenY, born after 1980) are more Generation Me than Generation We when compared to previous generations. Five data sets show a generational increase in narcissism, including one that demonstrates significant increases when a confound is controlled. College and child samples increase in self-esteem over the generations. Some high school samples show no change, though high school students increasingly embrace other overly positive self-views. In nationally representative samples of high school and college students, values have shifted toward extrinsic (money, fame, and image) concerns and away from intrinsic (community, affiliation) concerns. These trends have mostly negative consequences, such as lower empathy, less concern for others, and less civic engagement (e.g., interest in social issues, government, and politics). Parents and teachers should focus on teaching children and adolescents the values of hard work and consideration for others instead of an inflated sense of self." - Twenge, 2013

FlowerPot1234 · 25/10/2017 13:30

FormerlyFrikadela01
Nobody seems to want to take responsibility for it though hence why I don't actually believe it. Just look on here.

The perpetrators don't want to take responsibility for it, you are right. This is what poor, weak, lazy parenting is about. If they're not parenting their children decently, they're hardly going to have the character to admit they are responsible are they? They turn away, pretend it's nothing to do with them - and hey presto, we have a generation of the (generally) most selfish children lacking resilience or any emotional strength that this country has ever seen, entering the workplace and having no emotional skills, no etiquette, having tantrums and unable to operate or cope in any normal way. Why? Because of the parents such as on here who have brought them up actually believing the world revolves around them. If one wants to see why we're in the mess we are, just come on MN it seems. Sad