Do I bail my DB out?

[threesocksmeghan]

This feels so tricky to me but I feel MN would be able to cut through the bull and call it as it is. I have posted similar before but only now has everything come to light. So there is no intention of drip feeding or trolling on my part.

I lent my DB 2.5k in July for his Masters. I didn't want him to do a Masters as he only got a 2:2 for his degree but he was looking at a loan of the same at 48%. We agreed a loan of 10% over 2 years.

He has been late with every payment but paid it. Got kicked off Masters oved back in with DM rent free until last month so hassle paid 500 rent since July.

I lent my DM 2k as she's shit with money, has bailiffs turn up at the door for council tax regularly etc. Plus it was for sorting out the house after the dog flooded it (because she let the insurance lapse.

I've just found out she lent half of it to my DB and swore him to secrecy. Gave him a ridiculous repayment plan (3 mths) and only now is all this crap coming out because none of them can sort it and it's left to me.

My problem is this:

1. it is not my problem and I've already lent him 2.5k + 1k (unknowingly) since may
2. both DM and DB have gone behind my back. I can't trust them and now I look back they've both been nasty buggers with this on top that I had no idea about.
3. my DM has a naice house with a very small mortgage. She has no income but could in principle remortgage or equity release and sort her son out (considering she's so concerned as to use my money to bail him out). She's flat out told me she would rather let him 'sink' or file for bankruptcy. This puts more pressure on me and I feel like telling them both to fuck off as DM owes me 10k+ and if I pay of DBs crap I will have lent him 5k since may. With no assurance he won't borrow from these companies again and no assurances of him, you know, living within his means like the rest of us do??

I want to help but I'm loathe to.

You were foolish to give them money

You've no realistic chance of ever seeing it again.

You should move out, it'll take longer to save up but not as long as if you keep throwing money at your brother and mother.

And never "lend" either of them so much as a fiver again. They will keep taking as much as you throw at them and it won't change anything, they will keep on being shit with money.

Your DB has no money.
Your DM has no money.
Soon you will have no money.

Where is all the money? Gone.

Move out and secure your future. These two will bleed you dry.

Please move out before they are declared bankrupt. It'll cause you problems forever more if your credit checks are linked for them

Your brother going bankrupt WON'T affect your credit, unless you are already linked financially, eg you share a bank account or mortgage, which you don't. You won't be linked just because you share an address, credit ratings are based on the person, not address.

Loan consolidation is not advised by the debt charities as people often just run up more debt. Your brother and mum should speak to one of the debt charities, like Stepchange or CAP (Christians Against Poverty-you don't need to be a christian to use them). Have a look at the advice on MoneySavingExpert.com. A DMP might be a solution for him instead of bankruptcy.

As for you, I suggest you move out. If bailiffs gain entry, they might take something of yours if you're not there.

And DON'T lend either of them money again. 12.5K is a huge chunk out of your savings. That money could have gone towards a mortgage deposit or the costs of buying a house of your own.

They're being very unkind to you by putting you in this situation, OP. I can understand why you lent them money in the first place, but they're taking the piss now. No more.

So you've Kenny them 12,500? Twelve thousand pounds and they want more?

Seriously? You'll never see this money again, and they'll keep taking. What do you actually get from all this?

Tell them you put all the cash in a savings account that you can’t touch if that helps

They have some warped morals thinking they can spend all your savings. Utterly entitled and disrespectful and uncaring about you. I’d never consider using my siblings like they have used you. And they are using you.

Ugh. I've taken the (very good - thank you) advice on here and said there's no more money to either of them.

Guess what? Muggins here has been kicked out. I've got a week.

It's not the money but it's very clear I've been totally used by the people I should trust most!

Agree your brother is mistaking you for an indulgent mother. He has to learn to live within his means although your mum sounds like she doesn't set a good example.
I wouldn't lend him any more. Tell them both you have no more money and I would try and move away from them both or you will all end up skint. They're both behaving like children. Send them to citizens advice and get away as this won't improve and you'll just end up with a poor credit rating as well. He just wasted the money you lent him for his masters by not finishing it.
If they really valued you they wouldn't have gone behind your back, they just view you as a source of money.

It will be a blessing in disguise.

You don't want to be worrying about your credit rating being fucked over by your mums failure to pay bills.

Oh my god. I'm so sorry for the shock that your own family have been using you

But see this as a positive. New start. No more leeching family. Fuck em. Let them fuck up their own lives.

Is there anyone you can go and stay with? Thinking of practical steps. I'd also try to leave before the week is up. And be careful with your stuff. They've shown their true colours

Just stick any savings you have in property or a pension for god's sake and leave this feckless pair to their own devices.

In some ways that makes things easier as you don't have to feel guilty about it and thy look horrid.
Your mum is being stupid as she'll lose any rent you've been paying her or you wanting to lend her money in the future.

Just stop lending them money.

Yeah I'm okay, thank you. It's just a slap in the face obviously! But they've both shown themselves to be users and my conscience is clear.

Best get on spareroom...

Right now op you just have to be selfish.
Think about your own future. You want to move out and get on with your life, I assume? So plan that. Get your ducks in a row and sort out where you are going to live.
No more money. You aren't going to get anything back and YOU need your money for YOUR future.
The sob stories will get worse. You may even get threats. The thing is, your brother is in a mess if his own making. You didn't do this to him, you do not have to fix it.
I like CauliflowerSqueeze post.

It's not unusual for cash cows to be dropped when the milk runs dry.

I'm so sorry though, I hope you find someone who appreciates you in the future.

They don't deserve you.

Xpost op!
Well they've shown their true colours now. Assholes.

My brother has fritters away his cash and plays the poverty card. My parents have been regularly sucked in despite all his swanky holidays, nice clothes and cushie lifestyle. He simply needs to work harder to finance his nice lifestyle but instead thinks everyone’s owes him. We have scrimped and saved to buy a house, often going without but the fact we actually have a house is a huge bone of contention for my brother.

Well done op. Call it a life lesson. Onwards and upwards.

Clearly they only wanted you for your money

I'm so sorry threesock but at least you know where things stand. They clearly think of you as their personal banker and you are far better off out of the situation. Do you have a friends house you could stay at for a few days while you sort things out? At least that way you can get out today.

Oh op I'm so sorry at least you can use all your money on your own place now.

They've shown you their true colours now, if you can afford to go to small claims court to get all of your money back do it

How did you tell them and what did they say?

The positive thing is that you’ve stopped it now rather then after lending them 40k or 60k