To not get why people put their DC to bed early

[RogerThatOver]

...when it's unnecessary?

I get that if you all have to be up and out for 7.30 then they'd need to be in bed early.

But my SIL has 3 DC under 5, none at school and no plans to return to work at any point. Her DC are in bed for 6pm. That means being stuck in the house from 4pm every day which I would hate. They get up at 5/5.30 which she complains about endlessly but what does she expect if they go to bed so early? They can't go on days out because the DC are tired by lunch time and have to be home to nap, they don't do family parties or weddings because the DC cannot travel after 3pm and need to be home to wind down for bed by 4pm.

I also have 3 DC under 5. Mine go to bed at 9 and get up at around 8, sometimes later at the weekend. We can have full days out, if there's a party or wedding they can happily stay up until midnight. We can go to the park til bedtime in the summer and never need to rush home. They have an older sibling at school and are all ready on time to take her at 8.30 so their bedtime won't need major adjustment when they start school.

SIL and MIL are both very judgey about my DC's bedtime with SIL saying at the weekend that my DC must be 'chronically overtired' because they were still dancing at a family party at midnight. The hours of sleep they get are actually no different but IMO a later bedtime means my DC can do more in life. SIL admits she spends every morning drinking coffee with the kids watching tv until 10 because she's so tired, then if they go out they need to be home for naps by 12. She doesn't seem happy with the way things are but so many people seem to think it's just the way things must be with young DC.

AIBU to not understand the obsession with early bedtimes, coupled with complaints about early rises?

My 22 month old goes to bed at 6pm... and I love having time in the evenings! He sleeps until 7 the next morning and if he stays up late his sleep is messed up and he's usually up earlier!

I'm also a teacher and have to work most evenings... I work mornings so afternoon's are our our quality time together.

We still have days out but there's no way id keep my children (No 2 due in a few weeks) up dancing until midnight at a party purely because they'd be a lot of drunken adults there and as a small child drunken people are very scary.

Imo children thrive on routine and whatever that routine is and works best for the family is the right one

Boils down to all kids are different... My eldest was a 12 hour sleeper, down at 7? Up at 7. Up till 9? Up at 9... As long as fed and watered adequately. My dc 2 and 3 however... Up by 530 whatever. If they go down after 8 they are actually more likely to be up BEFORE five and cranky as hell all morning. So 630ish bedtime and 11 hours sleep is what works best for them.

I don’t understand parents putting their children to bed late or letting the children put themselves to bed late and then the children all bleary eyed and dragging themselves through school the next day.

...but, Ploppie, you're assuming that conclusion from your premise. Which isn't necessarily true - at least not for my DCs. They just don't sleep that much. 10 hours absolute max. So bed for 9 = up at 7, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Having brought up 4 I'd say we all do what we have to do. Getting enough sleep for parents and children is a priority so do what you have to do.

When I had dd I would have agreed. She could stay up late and be quite happy to have a lie in the next morning. Generally our days started around 8ish and she was quite happy to snuggle back in my bed and have another half an hour.

Then I had ds. He woke up every morning by 6am, (that would have been a lie in), generally he was up between 5-5.30. So he had to be in bed by 7 at the latest (and he would wake in the night). He’s still the same now and he is 9. He has been awake since 5.45 despite going to bed at 9 last night because it’s the holidays. We have had three arguments so far so will definitely be in bed on time tonight. The amount of evening parties/social events we have been too over the years where ds has fallen asleep and we’ve had to find somewhere for him to sleep, he just doesn’t cope with late nights what ever I do to prepare him.
Don’t judge another until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

There's lots of people telling you to mind your own business and yes it doesn't matter as long as you're both happy with your routines.

But the 'don't judge' thing needs to go both ways and those of us who let our kids go to bed later are generally judged quite harshly whereas those who give their kids dinner at 4pm and have them in bed by 6pm are seen as virtuous, organised parents. I agree it's ridiculous and I'd hate to be stuck having to get home so early.

Fwiw my DS is 2 and goes to sleep about 8pm. He's still up at 6am.

To be fair each each to their own.
I would think 6pm is far too early but also feel regular bedtime of 9pm is far too late.
My children always went to bed around 7.30 at that age which worked perfectly for us and them. We also got about 3 hours adult time off duty each day/night. Kids were up at 7 everyday which worked fine.
Nothing wrong with a later bed time occasionally for a special occasion or holiday but with ours I usually paid the price the next day with whiney grumpy children.

My kids, 6 and 3, can go to bed anywhere between 7.30pm and 9pm depending on day of week etc. It has no effect on 3 year olds waking time. Sometimes it's 6am or earlier and sometimes it's 7am or anywhere in between. Early times do not always link to early bed either.
We never had a schedule though and happily took and take them to things as bedtime has always been flexible for us.

Whatever works. Different strokes for different folks.
You sweep your side of the street, OP and don't give it too much thought.

My oldest four had early bedtimes and afternoon naps because they would be up at the crack of dawn regardless as to when they went to bed. My youngest had a later bedtime because she was never a morning person and still isn't.
Bedtimes didn't decide the time they got up it was the time they got up that decided the bedtimes. So the oldest ones would still have gotten up early even after a late night but would have been miserable and the youngest would still have needed waking for school even if she had gone to bed at 7pm.

Mine were shattered by 7 so wouldn't have been able to string it out any later. They didn't wake especially early and we never went out so events etc weren't really a factor. You may have a point in general although others will have their reasons for an earlier bedtime. Maybe they need the evening to wind down without the kid/s and an early start is a price worth paying.

It sure why you care what othe people do. Mine are 4 and 6 and are in bed by 7 and 7.30 respectively.

They always get up around 7.00am and need 12 hours sleep, which is about the recommended amount for kids of their age. Towards the end of the week they're knackered and may be in bed around 6.30 because they can't keep their eyes open. I don't mind early bed for them because I can have time to myself in the evenings to catch my breath a bit and to spend time with DH.

They can and do stay up later on occasion and there's hell to pay because they're out of their routine and don't feel rested but yes, I'll start keeping them up til 9 because some random on the internet is judgy about early bedtimes.

Actually thinking about your op again - the stuck at home from 4pm thing is not entirely true - wherever time you take your dcs to bed, there is probably a 2 hour window when you need to be thinking about being at home for the routine of food, wind down time, bath, story, sleep.

Before/after that the parents aren't stuck at home, they just need childcare.

If you are only seeing your sil at family events when you don't do childfree things, I can see how you view her as stuck in the house after 4pm. But she's childfree from 6:30pm, she could meet friends for an evening out, she can go watch a movie with lots of swearing and blood spilt without having to wait for the late showing.

Your sil may well look at you and wonder how you cope, having to always drag your dcs along on your social life.

I don't only want to do child-friendly things. If you are happy to make your life child-centred, then you probably don't see the issue with keeping kids up later.

Horses for courses and all that!

I aah, the 'if you just put your children to bed later, they'd wake up later' yes with many children that is true. With many they get up early anyway. I have one of each. The put them to bed later and they wake up later child is indeed easier for family life.

I imagine it's probably so they can have some peace. More power to them if that works for them. I have a friend who's kids (since birth) do not go to bed until 10-11pm. Then when they don't sleep during the night, she gets them up and puts on films in the lounge and then complains about how she never gets any sleep or any time to herself in the evenings. But her dh is a bit hopeless and lazy and unsupportive, so I suspect that's just the best she can do with so little support. Everyone does what they need to do.

But whatever works for you. Mine goes to bed at 8, which I think is probably late rather than early (she's 4). We don't even get home from work and have time to make dinner until 6:30. But I absolutely never have her up later than that. We're both self employed and we need to do some admin work in the evenings. That makes it possible for one of us to always do the school run so we don't have to rely on a childminder and for one of us to always be home with her in the afternoons. And it's nice to have an adult conversation (and beverage) in the evenings too.

Argh this made me so cross! So bloody judgy. I just typed a long response about why my DS goes to bed at the time he does ( a fairly normal 7.30), but it doesn't actually matter - just stop judging!

My 5 year old is asleep by 6:30pm which means I get a good 5 hours of peace and quiet. It’s bliss. Also people don’t mind babysitting her in the evening as she stays asleep so is no hassle.

Judging other peoples lives is never going to end well, so who cares what the bedtime routine is as long as the dc get 10 hours sleep so they can be healthy and function the next day that is all that really counts.

In Spain and Italy the children go to bed very late around midnight in the summer, but have a siesta to make up for it. Sounds great to me.

If you think putting a child to bed earlier makes them wake later then you are bloody naive on top of being judgmental. You may have the magic formula FOR YOUR FAMILY but leave everyone else business to them.

One of mine is an early riser, the other is practicing to be a teenager and has to be pried out of bed.

Totally down to the individual child!

Most people find that no matter what time their children go to bed they get up early.

My son is in bed by 6 every night and up between 5-6 every day.... I could keep him up til 9 but he would still be up between 5-6 and be totally miserable all day.

My ds is only 3 months old and he started getting into a routine himself of wanting to go to bed as wouldn't settle, this started at 8.30pm 1 month ago and now he's generally in bed 5.30-6. If I try to keep him up later he screams and screams so it's just not worth it. It's a pain as means we can't leave the house after 5pm as that's when he gets grizzly, very restricting and if I was able to get him to stay up (have tried just putting down for a nap at 5pm but doesn't work) then I'd aim for a later bedtime.

I knew it was bedtime as a child when the neighbours theme tune came on at 6! My DC have also always been early to bed and early to rise which suits me just fine, I value the hours to myself in the evening. It used to be 6-6:30pm when they were under five. Now it’s closer to 7:30pm. I have tried later bedtimes before in the school holidays especially but they’re absolute ratbags to get to bed, impossible to settle.