To not get why people put their DC to bed early

[RogerThatOver]

...when it's unnecessary?

I get that if you all have to be up and out for 7.30 then they'd need to be in bed early.

But my SIL has 3 DC under 5, none at school and no plans to return to work at any point. Her DC are in bed for 6pm. That means being stuck in the house from 4pm every day which I would hate. They get up at 5/5.30 which she complains about endlessly but what does she expect if they go to bed so early? They can't go on days out because the DC are tired by lunch time and have to be home to nap, they don't do family parties or weddings because the DC cannot travel after 3pm and need to be home to wind down for bed by 4pm.

I also have 3 DC under 5. Mine go to bed at 9 and get up at around 8, sometimes later at the weekend. We can have full days out, if there's a party or wedding they can happily stay up until midnight. We can go to the park til bedtime in the summer and never need to rush home. They have an older sibling at school and are all ready on time to take her at 8.30 so their bedtime won't need major adjustment when they start school.

SIL and MIL are both very judgey about my DC's bedtime with SIL saying at the weekend that my DC must be 'chronically overtired' because they were still dancing at a family party at midnight. The hours of sleep they get are actually no different but IMO a later bedtime means my DC can do more in life. SIL admits she spends every morning drinking coffee with the kids watching tv until 10 because she's so tired, then if they go out they need to be home for naps by 12. She doesn't seem happy with the way things are but so many people seem to think it's just the way things must be with young DC.

AIBU to not understand the obsession with early bedtimes, coupled with complaints about early rises?

I think it's really inappropriate to keep dc up till 9pm.
Day times should focus on the dc and evenings on your partner.
6.30-6.30 I feel is a good routine for under 8's.

Are you for real MyDcAreMarvel?

I have 5 and 7 year old both at school. I fish work at 6pm...
How do I focus on DC daytime?
How do I put them to bed 6:30pm?
They have to have tea, do homework and bath...I’m back at home around 6:30pm or maybe people have magic fairy to pick the kids up from after school and do all above?
BTW my partner works shifts, so his not home in the evenings every other week.

My DC1 used to be a nightmare as a baby - he used to wake up anytime between 3:30am-5am and have first nap at 9am 😜😱
I still don’t know how we survived ( with bedtime routine 7-8pm)
Now he sleeps until 7-8am with 9pm bedtime.

Whatever works for you and other people. I never judged my sister what puts her 4 year old DD sometimes even at 11pm, as her husband works till 8pm and wouldn’t see DD at all with early bedtime.

Roomster, I don't agree! Goodness knows how mine knew the time, but they were larks. There was no shifting it and I promise you I tried. I just ended up with an exhausted child trying to go to bed earlier every night.

Of course they didn't know the time! If they woke up at exactly the same time every day whatever the season and you really did make the effort to change the time gradually then something must have been waking them up every morning e.g. millkman, someone going to work, bin men etc etc

Who* sorry for mistake

Mines in bed anytime from 6:30-9:00 on occasions. Depends what we've been up to. Not sticklers for routines but either way baby will get 12hours straight and a few naps imbetween

I actually cannot believe I am reading this. Why do you think you can comment/judge on anyone else’s routine. I could put my children down anytime between 7-11pm and they’d still wake up at 6. Every child is different, every person is different. Mums have to deal with judgements on a daily basis, it must be horrid when it’s someone so close to you.

My DS is now 6 and we start bedtime routine at 7.30pm to be asleep by 8pm and he gets up at 6-6.30am (or if he’s not so good he’ll sleep a full 12 hrs). This also applies at weekends, school holidays, etc. If he’s not asleep by 8pm, he is crabby, irritable and argumentative.

It’s ideal for me as I am an early riser, generally the same time, 6-6.30am.

However, whether he goes to bed at 7pm or 10pm, he will be up between 6-6.30am.

He is an absolute stickler for routine (always has been from being a baby) and likes to know what the day’s plan of action is.

My DS has always shown his own preference for being in bed earlier than later and being up around an average time (so far) he's asleep usually by 7 and awake by 7 - normally 6:30 and occasionally earlier. He's 13 months and has been like this since he was 8 months old. I don't think I could handle 8/9/10pm bedtimes as I wouldn't get any time to myself, plus we're up and out of the house for work/nursery at 7:30 anyway.

Oh and ETA - who fucking cares on the time they go to bed. So long as they're sleeping and everyone is happy with the status quo, does it really need judgement?

I agree with some of the posts here, stop worrying about what other parents do with their own children! we all have different routines, no one is right or wrong! who cares what time another parent puts their child to flipping bed get a grip love!

LO here practically set her own bedtime from very early on (6pm, gradually moved to 7.30pm) and no matter what we did to get her to sleep later and rise later nothing worked.

On occasion, we did step outside the routine, but it was hell the next day and often not worth it on the event either.

I was a little envious of those with children that seemed to be able to cope with a missed daytime nap or a later bedtime, but saying that it did mean hubby and I could kick back in the evening and have some us time.

I think with parenting it’s whatever works and keeps you sane, no two parents are the same as are no two kids.

When my DS1 was tiny I tried bringing his bedtime forward and remember deciding it didn't work after a couple of days. With hindsight you need to allow at least a couple of weeks for sleep patterns to adjust, otherwise most kids will still wake at the same time.

We also used to go to bed later and get up later, I never had to wake him up, he was still getting enough sleep but I was constantly being judged for it. So I probably didn't have much motivation to change it.

My dd goes to bed between 8.30 and 11 always. She wakes between 8 and 9.30.

The key is doing not only what suits your child but also what suits you.
I would have imploded by now if she was an early riser.

My soon to be 19 year old goes to bed between 11 and 3 am but has asd and stopped sleeping properly around 2 years of age.

When little i couldnt ignore her but since she was 12 or 13, as long of food is hidden, i will ignore her. Its more worrying that she eats packets of biscuits to herself in the night and i mean the whole packet or packets.

My 3 year old has been going to bed at 6.30 but since starting preschool two days a week last month, he is more tired so now goes at 6pm. Yes, asleep in bed by 6pm. He wakes up at 7.30am on normal days and I wake him at 7am on preschool days. Three year olds need about 12-13 hours sleep so this works perfectly for us.
Judge all you like, I’d probably judge anyone with children up late at night. I remember seeing a tv program last year about how brain function in schoolchildren is significantly reduced by just an hour less than the recommended sleep for their age. Plus I know I’m irritable when I’m tired and my son is just the same so it’s a happier household all round when we are well-slept!

I think with so many things, what matters is what suits your family. Don't worry about what other people do, we are all different.

Umm because I need a goddamn break??
No matter what time ds goes to bed he’s up at 5.30. I’ve tried. Until they were 8/9 it was bed at 7pm. Obviously if you’re on a day out that’s not the case. I don’t turn down invites due to their bedtime.
Maybe try judging her a little less? We’re all doing what we can to keep sane.
Wth are you going to do when they start school by the way? Good luck getting three up & out in 40 minutes

I get what your saying and would love to agree but my youngest unfortunately won't go by any other clock than his own body clock.
I can put him to bed at 9/10pm, he's still.up at 6.30 if not earlier.

He goes to bed at 7/7.30 and gets up 6.30/7. Without fail.

We have tried gradual changing times and it didn't help.
Even on holiday we struggle with letting him stay up late as he's still up at 6.30.

It's never stopped us doing things. We just go out early and come home early. Not really an issue.....except I am not a morning person at all 😂

I have 3 dc 6,4 and 2. They all go to bed by 7.30 and wake anytime between 6 and 7am. Whenever they have stayed up ‘late’ for special occasions ( 9pm would def be classed as very late!) they still wake the same time. 9pm is awfully late when they do eventually start school. I found 7.30 to be a nice time- like others have said- gives you time to do ‘jobs’ but also sit and have a hot drink and read/ watch tv in almost peace ( dh is obv still awake and needs attention ;) )

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this but what about adult time, down time without the kids around, time to spend a little time together as a couple. If the kids are up till 9 (presumably not asleep until 930/10) this isn't going to happen and surely relationships will suffer?

@Roomster101, if only it were that easy! I’ve no idea how they do it but I can assure you- and lots of other parents on here agree by the sound of it- we tried everything. My birth children were up like larks no matter what we did. Nothing woke them, they woke themselves. The same way a dog knows when it is dinner t8me, I guess. My foster children all had later clocks and needed to be woken up ready for school.

Some of us are just built that way. Why would you argue against someone else’s experience?

" If the kids are up till 9 (presumably not asleep until 930/10) this isn't going to happen and surely relationships will suffer?"

No matter what I did DD would not go to sleep early. Our relationship didn't suffer at all. We just went with the flow.

I agree with you OP. I always kept bedtime much more flexible and my kids are great at adapting for parties and travelling to different time zones. Now they are in KS2 I do have a loose routine and they are usually asleep by 8.30/9 and awake in the morning 7.00/7.30. Many many friends kids have/ have had a
much stricter bedtime and are probably much more whingy at parties but then possibly more structured and calmer than mine .. however I'm not complaining! I love my kids being as they are and we don't take life terribly seriously in this respect in our house.

I do respect my friends ways though and don't have a problem with how they do things. I'm probably a much less 'routine' person in general anyway and I'm not a morning person so pushed my kids into knowing that a pre 7 o'clock wake up was a NO NO. I reckon some of my friends are much more morning people themselves.

What strikes me about your post is that your SIL and MIL are judgemental about your routine though and passing stupid comments like they are "overly tired" which would definitely make me want to criticise their methods out of pure defensiveness. Their arguments are flawed and they should not judge like this and then complain about being knackered with the early starts!!

I'm afraid that I struggle to believe that a child can't be trained into sleeping later than 5.30am! In the
same way kids can be trained to go to bed before 7.30. If they are knackered enough and the room is dark enough and the house quiet enough they will eventually sleep in later - they need a certain number of hours sleep- they don't have an inbuilt alarm system at 5.30am - it's usually light, they've had enough sleep, noise from parents getting up of habit. I speak from experience here.

I'm afraid that I struggle to believe that a child can't be trained into sleeping later than 5.30am!

Oh Jesus

Yes, yes you’re absolutely right, well done, you’re perfect

Rach,

Sorry if I offended you. I didnt mean to. I just really don't understand why they can't be. Can you explain the reason's you struggled? And I will listen as I'm not trying to act all perfect - I'm far from a perfect parent- I'm a shit one tbh as I just love my lie ins!! x

DS2 (6) has always been an early riser. 6am on the dot each day he's wide awake. Makes no difference what time he goes to bed (at parties and weddings we stay up late and he's never slept in afterwards, though nor is he grumpy so I'm pretty flexible with him) and it makes no difference where we are in the world in hotels, staying with family, in hugely different time zones, he has his own body clock and we roll with it.

It helps that we're all morning people. I wouldn't judge folk who aren't, just as I wouldn't expect to be judged for the fact that one of my DCs simply doesn't 'get' sleeping in late. Everyone's different, everyone's DCs are also probably different so what works for some folks doesn't work for others.

Sorry!!!! I've now just realised why I got this comment from Rach! I only read the original post and a few
Others.. I've seen there has been a lot of other discussion about the 5.30 wake ups and lack of ability to control it...

SORRY folks for my comment making you all squirm! I have obviously been very lucky and you have my sympathies!!! x